A New Year's Do Over

So, it's time for my word. You know, that cool idea floating the blogs and vlogs of choosing one word to focus your year around, not just a bunch of resolutions.

This was my post and word choice from last year. 

Guess what? I've decided to do last year over, and refocus on that word again. I lost focus a few months in. The definition of my word even has 12 descriptors, perfect for breaking down month by month! I never made it a priority. I think it would help me to try again in 2013.

So, along with getting better about a healthy diet and exercise, a healthier mental outlook, and an end to my spiritual dryness - I think I will relump my focus in 2013 with "Redeem" again.

My word is redeem. 

So....let me use some of last year's post to introduce redeem again. I've edited in places for 2013:

...In the midst of the churning waters threatening to overtake us, God's hand started to show up - almost immediately. When Hubby came home from work early (1pm on Sept 16th) to confess we needed to be out of the house by the 19th and he was not himself - a qualified friend answered my stunned phone call for help for my husband to give him someone to talk to. My children were immediately tended to for the next several days, and a place for us to live was offered generously and ready immediately. My sister and next door neighbor started organizing what to do to get us moved while I walked around rather like a zombie, and best friends (including all the before mentioned) started POURING out of the woodwork to pack us up, take down furniture, PACK, wrap, feed, and soothe us. I'm talking about friends driving HOURS to come cover us in love. We were drowning, and were being pulled to safety by everyone. It was overwhelming. 

I could not believe it. I was feeling like a failure - a fooled woman too traditional and blinded by my own vocation to see what was veiled from me - and yet friends poured in to support BOTH Hubby and I - no matter how it happened that the house was lost  - it didn't matter to anyone. We were reminded we were worth far more in this life than as homeowners. I could tell, almost immediately, God was redeeming the situation. I never felt like saying "Why Us?" because God didn't cause this. Instead I felt like saying "Why NOT us?" knowing God had us protected and would keep showing His hand. He redeemed.

Our new little 2 bedroom condo somehow fit all the things we absolutely needed, and the things that made it feel like a home. Furniture just FIT. The crib just FIT in our master bedroom. The girls' stuff just FIT in the other bedroom. Storage for the rest was secured. God redeemed our housing situation. Much was donated or given away to help others (redeem!), much was purged to create more peace in our souls and future space (redeem!) before moving day. Meals came almost every night for 3 weeks (redeem!), and when Hubby was put in the hospital - people did it all again! Can you believe it? More meals, childcare, support, donations....the redeeming went on, and on, and on. I was brought to my knees in humbleness. I started to understand just how hard it was for Mary to say "YES" to Gabriel. I was having to learn to say "yes" to so many people.

Then, as things quieted down - it was just me and my empty feeling marriage. While still in love, I had no idea really who I was married to - since the hiding and trying to shield us from the painful truth had gone on a few years - but deep down I felt God. I knew we had the POTENTIAL for becoming great again as a true partnership sharing the load. I could, and still can, feel God redeeming our marriage and family. That feeling will continue into 2012 (now, 2013). In addition, the end of 2012 found me in a difficult emotional place with my extended family Christmas day, and the week following with out of town family. I am praying for redemption there, even if in my heart only. I can only control me.  

I've grown up my whole life hearing "Christ the Redeemer." I never EVER got the true meaning of the word "Redeem" until we had this loss. It dawned on me that weekend as I stumbled around watching so many people help us that many people of the world assume God will FIX our problems, that Jesus will just FIX our illnesses, situations, flaws, or problems. Fixing is NOT what God is. He is "The Redeemer." He'll take what is broken and reform it, reclaim it, fulfill it.

So, my word for 2013 is:

FROM WEBSTER'S  - THE DEFINITION OF REDEEM :

transitive verb

1

a : to buy back : repurchase b : to get or win back

2

: to free from what distresses or harms: as a : to free from captivity by payment of ransom b : to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental c : to release from blame or debt : clear d : to free from the consequences of sin

3

: to change for the better : reform

4

restore

5

a : to free from a lien by payment of an amount secured thereby b (1) : to remove the obligation of by payment redeems savings bonds on demand> (2) : to exchange for something of value <redeem trading stamps> c : to make good : fulfill

6

a : to atone for : expiate <redeem an error> b (1) : to offset the bad effect of (2) : to make worthwhile : retrieve

Pretty amazing definition, huh? I think this is the PERFECT word for 2012 as I seek do the hard work involved to redeem my marriage, redeem our marital love and trust, redeem my feeling of worthiness, redeem our FEELING of home for our children to feel secure and know that faith is what matters, not the THINGS. My husband and I can also redeem our financial future. It won't be easy...but I will let the Redeemer in.

Amazingly - in my daily life I can use the above definition to my advantage. To redeem 2012, I can use all these verbs to my advantage every day, every step, every breath and whispered prayer. I can also focus on them month by month:

atone
retrieve
fulfill
free
exchange
restore
reform
ransom
clear
win back
offset
repurchase

Jesus did all the above for me. He has shown me the way....

Now, I simply need to try, one step at a time. I need to try and redeem my spiritual dryness that is my making, as God has not forsaken me. I'm just lost. I need to try and redeem the daily struggles to grab joy and really savor the victories and small triumphs in my life, even when it feels like I'm walking thigh deep in water. I need to try and redeem my physical and emotional health.

It is redeemable.

Happy New Year - I wish you freedom too in this wonderful new year. Bring on 2013.

Blessings! Pray for me....I'm praying for you!

In spite of it all...

As I was driving home from our Christmas last night, wounded and hurt...it hit me. I felt I should document it here.

Despite how conflicted I get about my interesting family. Despite the hurt I feel. Despite the sobbing I've cried....it hit me...

I have no desire to see those family members anywhere but with God. 

It is obvious that this earth robbed them of peace. It is obvious that they are more uphill people than down.

But it hit me. I pray that their earthly actions don't hold them back from total healing, peace, love....real unconditional love. It's the missing piece. Something only their Savior can give.

I don't want them judged (I do that plenty, automatically, in my mind too much). I don't want hell, purgatory....I just want them whole. That's not up to me. I won't know where they will go, though they are believers. I just wish they could, when God calls them home (and I pray that is centuries away), be fully home. I'll be praying for that.  It's all I can cling too.

It won't stop me from trying again and again to please, love, and want to celebrate life with my loved ones. It won't protect me from any further disappointment. It doesn't stop my fears that I'm a walking disappointment.  But it helps....it helps to know that maybe one day....we can exist somewhere where we all are healed and in total harmony.

I do love. Very much.

"Be united, but not closed off. Be humble, but not fearful. Be simple, but not naive. Be thoughtful, but not complicated. Enter into dialogue with everyone, but remain yourselves." -  Pope Benedict XVI

While the first part of that quote relates very much to my Christmas situation, the part in italics fits my life well. I have miles to go on improvement there. As for the underlined part? I am trying to figure out who myself is and remain there. I feel I know...but it is so anti-society and normal goals of life that it puts a divide on my family and I waver. It is hard to stomach that knowledge when I think on it too much.

Thanks for the prayers!
Merry Christmas!

A late Festivus

You know, I have ignored the Seinfeld "Festivus" (The Holiday for the rest of us) since it came into being. But, things change...and I want to enter into the spirit of its season so I can fully enter into the Christmas season. Yes, I am aware that celebrating Festivus probably means a trip to the confessional! It's time to air some grievances, the ones that come from many people being together under one roof that normally have not for an extended period of time since adolescence.

See 3:27 above for the airing of grievances.

Before I air my grievances - I want to say I take full responsibility that I was not on my A game the other day on Christmas. I was overtired, fighting a chest cold, and allowed myself to think I was in a safe place to be real and faulty lol. Thanksgiving had gone SO well with my 3 kids (considered a huge family to my extended family) in another loved ones home, that I relaxed too much on Christmas - excited children from Christmas morning, in need of naps, and grumpy themselves made for mistakes made on my parenting and discord in my family. I also will not name names.

* Today is Jesus' day. Why does it become so convoluted and about social norms? 

* While I do have eyes in the back of the head - I have not developed X-Ray vision. Had I known that Valiant, sitting on the ottoman RIGHT in front of me with her back to me, was eating a chocolate Santa in the living room over white carpet, I would have gladly "controlled my child". I'm sure x-ray vision evolves over time. (EDITED to add: No chocolate got on the carpet. She was caught before any messes were had). 

* If the aunt says they can drink in the living room (against my better judgement - I should have overridden the kind aunt offering this special treat), and they spill something - don't come after me for letting it happen. Just chalk it up to a learning experience, that it cleaned easily, and there is no use crying over spilled milk.

* Please don't take it personally if excited kids on Christmas don't want to eat dinner food (even mashed potatoes, green beans, and bread), and I had a reason not making them their own meal (to try to get them to eat their real meal first). Don't worry about their protests. Don't feel you didn't feed them enough, that you treat them badly, or that they didn't get enough. I probably should have one ahead and made mac and cheese instead - but I didn't. I will probably do so this week when we gather again with more family, just to avoid another Festivus. 

* I'm sorry my eldest had some drama over the rolls served. I'm probably more sorry than you for her acting like that at the table - but I promise you her life is not that bad, so don't pity her on Christmas over her roll comments. She is not neglected, she is loved, and yeasty rolls are not symbolic of her hard life. 

* Don't make it so obvious who gave you the best presents, and most thoughtful presents, this year compared to other family members. 

* DON'T support my suggestion to go lay down with the two youngest (one with me, one with daddy) to get them to stay down for a nap after attempts to do it alone failed so they could sleep off their crabbiness when it risks both mom and dad falling asleep with the kids. If you resent them sleeping with the kids, and too much time passes, then come and wake them to help with food, kids, etc. Sleeping adults who sleep through one of the kids waking up and going downstairs obviously are not trying to skip out on family time, cooking, babysitting, or parenting. They are just tired parents of young children who worked the night before. Could it be seen as rude? YES! But, don't "let them sleep because they need it" then make them feel like Christmas was ruined because they were allowed to sleep. I would have loved to cook, play, set the table if I had been awake. So, if I do it again...wake me up!

* When you know that every dollar counts, and playing at Masses at different parishes on Christmas Eve from 6:30pm-1am makes some really good income for us once a year (I was home by 9:30pm with the kids, my husband was out till late) don't throw that in our faces that we are tired the next day, when you have spent most of the year complaining we don't make enough money. Also, don't throw in our faces that one sibling had to deal with the burden of hosting us all because we don't have a house anyone to host people in. That is MOST painful.

* When one's sister and BIL  has cooked a marvelous, formal meal for the family, do not talk about leaving before the meal is served. It breaks my sister's heart that every family get together ends in a rush because someone is done being there. You didn't even have to drive....you were driven there and back so you would not have to worry. The tension shot up 1000xs and became the constant thread of dinner ("Pack up quickly, we need to go after dinner. We need to leave. We need to get on the road soon....").

* If it matters, when we got back home last night - the two littles who needed those naps and were so grumpy had terrible coughs, one had a fever, and one threw up. Maybe the cause of it all?

I'd better stop. I've aired some of the bigger issues. Too real? Should I leave this post up? Probably not. I will say that after the offending party were taken home, that my sister immediately relaxed and we talked about how our family is just a big clash....my "big and young" family clashing with a small family with a teenager, clashing with older family members. But I cried saying why does it have to clash? Why do other families get to just be on Christmas and enjoy? Why is there a time limit on how long we can be together? How long will my husband and I be the family who failed, and keeps failing in certain people's eyes? 

I know the answer is eventually just having Christmas at home alone, THEN joining family....but...

1) My sister makes a magical home on Christmas.
2) My kids expect it - part of the routine. They LOVE it. They count down to it. 

3) There is a thrill of being together with everyone Christmas morning. 

4) It helps us be able to play Christmas Eve Masses with our instruments.

5) I like being together. I just dread the stress. I always hope for the best, and I'm not sure I'll ever stop hoping for that family centered Christmas in this brief and precious life we live.

6) I just need to accept and let go. 

7) What time is confession again?

8) No matter what happened on Christmas day, Christ was with me. It was His day. I just wonder if he was looking at me annoyed with what I let happen on His birthday, or lovingly at me. It's very easy for me to think my heavenly Father, my Savior, and Our Lady to see me differently than my earthly family. I can see how people's faith can be formed by their earthly relationships. But, at the root of it all - I know their unconditional love is just that, unconditional. 

Happy Festivus! The holiday for the rest of us! Now...on to CHRISTMAS!!!! It's not just a day....THANK GOD!!!!!

Emmanuel. 

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!!!

God with us!!

Love and Emmanuel

WOW!! Week Four of Advent wasn't even a week!! So here we go!!

Happy Week of Love:

And now....

WELCOME BABY JESUS!!!! EMMANUEL!!!

Merry Christmas!!

Please Help?

I'm reprinting this, on behalf of our dear friend Mary who wrote the below:

I have permission to share the request below. This was sent to me by a homeschooling friend who knows Father Suarez's sister. Please take a moment and send a card of encouragement to this young priest and his parish. Use it as one of your 26 acts of kindness this week. Feel free to share this with whomever you think would join in and send encouragement. No matter what your faith background, if you believe in God, send some love to Newtown, CT:

"My friends,
All of you, I am sure, have heard so much about the tragedy in Newtown, CT. Many of you have received emails from me about my younger brother, Father Luke Suarez, who is a priest at St. Rose of Lima parish, a Catholic church just down the road from Sandy Hook Elementary. He, and his pastor, Monsignor Weiss, arrived at the school within moments of the shooting, and have been caring for the community ever since. The picture I have included was taken at the school.

Father Luke has an impossible task before him. His diocese is without a bishop right now, and there is very little leadership and assistance from above. Monsignor is older, went through a serious surgery recently, and is personally devastated by the losses. The parish is very large, and parishioners tend to be wealthy and somewhat ill-catechized. The rectory has received serious threats, and as my brother gave the homily Sunday at the noon mass, the church had to be evacuated by SWAT teams. After experiencing identity theft and online hacking incidents, he had to erase all of his internet accounts. After a weekend of endless media requests, notifications and vigils with heartbroken families, and little sleep, he now has two wakes and two funerals every day, until the fourth Sunday of Advent. Father Luke has not even been ordained two years.

My large family has been trying to send Father Luke our love and support from afar, and one of my brothers was able to visit with him briefly a couple times. All he asks for is prayer.

I have been wracking my brain, trying to think of a way that our beautiful, loving community could tangibly reach out to Father Luke, Monsignor Weiss, and the St. Rose parish, to support them in this most awful of times. I have sent many prayer requests, and I am asking for more prayers again. But I also want to ask everyone to search their hearts, and if the Holy Spirit moves you, please consider sending one of your family's Christmas cards to the rectory, with a few words of love and encouragement. Here is his address:

Father Luke Suarez
46 Church Hill Road
Newtown, CT 06470

My brother has said over and over again that without the prayer support he is receiving, he could not keep going. And this week is only the beginning. Everyone there is still in shock. Their peaceful home has been desecrated by violence. They will need to live with this sorrow forever.

But in our weakness is His strength. Grace abounds. Can you help me carry him through this time of trial?
On a hopeful note, Father Luke did say that no media coverage has even touched the deep, beautiful awakening of faith that has occurred there. Their tiny church, where my children have received sacraments and where Luke was ordained, has been full of people in prayer without ceasing since this tragedy happened. Love is stronger than death.

Please feel free to share the address with your family, friends, and community. An outpouring of love will sustain these good priests through their impossible ministry--impossible on their own, but possible with God.

I am so grateful to live in this community. We are all so blessed with one another. Every day, I see you all loving one another as Christ loved. Thank you for letting me reach out to you now.

With humble appreciation,
Tabitha

First Responders

Please pray for our first responders, including the religious leaders of this little town...

We are praying today for the two priests at St. Rose of Lima in Newtown, CT.

Msgr. Robert Weiss and Fr. Luke Suarez have been used by God in an incredible way and we don't want to forget to pray for them. 

Would you join me in offering up prayers for them? Thanks. Photo Credit ??

I can't imagine what the EMTs and police saw, or all the grief the above priests, Msgr. Weiss and Fr. Suarez, and all the community religious leaders have been CARRYING while dealing with their own emotions.

I'm reminded to keep praying for ALL first responders, and all victims of violence around the world - not just the newsworthy ones. Keep the hope in this broken world.

The following was in my Little Blue Book for Advent on Saturday for Advent Meditations on the Gospel, and was so appropriate for today:

In the face of all I see wrong with the world, I have 2 options. One option is to see all these problems as fatal. The world is doomed to be forever unjust and tragic, so I should simply do my best to get the most I can for myself out of the situation. The other option is to see all creation as the recipient of the overwhelming power God's compassion and transforming love. When I look at the the world this way, I believe that every struggle for peace and justice, however small, ultimately have an effect, and whatever energy I spend to relieve suffering is worth the effort. Christian faith calls me to choose the second option - to live my life in this world with hope...not wishful thinking.


Choose Hope today. Pray for those who carry the burden of quietly providing hope to those who feel hopeless. God bless our first responders.

How will you respond today?

Gaudete Joy!

A rainy, rainy, dark, cold, southern Sunday - both outside in the weather, and to the spirit after the last few days. It makes it harder to fully embrace the 3rd Sunday of Lent - "Joy" (Gaudete) Sunday. It first seems to be great irony at the timing - how can we be happy as a nation and large 'village'? Instead, it is God's comfort over the tragic side of free will/struggle of mental illness. Joy is 

something entirely different from happiness. The words of a dying woman who discerned joy as she faced death came to mind today during Mass, and I wish this for myself today, and all I know.

"I had thought joy to be rather synonymous with happiness, but it seems now to be far less vulnerable than happiness. Joy seems to be a part of an unconditional will to live, not holding back because life may not meet our preferences and expectations. Joy seems to be a function of the willingness to accept the whole, and to show up to meet with whatever is there. It has a kind of invincibility that attachment to any particular outcome would deny us. Rather than the warrior who fights toward a specific outcome and therefore is haunted by the specter of failure and disappointment, it is the lover drunk with the opportunity to love despite the possibility of love, the player for whom playing has become more important than winning or losing...Joy seems more closely related to aliveness than to happiness." ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Do not let this life steal your joy. Stay ALIVE. Grab the joy. Light that candle. 

Blessed Joy Sunday to you all....much love. 

Gaudete. 

Holy Innocents

The biblical recounting (and feast day) of the Holy Innocents killed after Jesus' birth by Herod will forever hold new meaning...and I am not a mother in Connecticut. We only have today. We have children, dream up their futures, plan milestones, yet are only promised today. Pray for us, little saints - old and new.

Posted on Facebook:

A Prayer To The Holy Innocents

Holy Innocents, you died before you were old enough to know what life means, pray for all children who die young that God may gather them into His loving arms.

Holy Innocents, you were killed because one man was filled with hatred, pray for those who hate that God may touch their hearts and fill them with love. 

Holy Innocents, you experienced a violent death, pray for all who are affected by violence that they may find peace and love.

Holy Innocents, your parents grieved for you with deep and lasting sorrow, pray for all parents who have lost young children that God may wrap a warm blanket of comfort around them.

Holy Innocents, those around you certainly felt helpless to prevent your deaths, pray for all who feel helpless in their circumstances that they may cling to God for courage and hope.

Holy Innocents, you who are now in Heaven, pray for all of us that one day we may join you there to bask in God's love forever.

Amen.

2:18

18 "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more."

Matthew 2:18.

Bless the innocents slaughtered today.
Bless their parents - hearts pierced.
Bless the mother who looked into the eyes of her son as he slew her and her students.
Bless the staff who are children to someone, had children, and have loved ones now left behind.
Bless the family of the slayer.
Pray for his soul.
Bless his surviving family members.
Pray for the additional loved ones he killed.
Pray for all those lost to and touched by violence all over the world. All loss is senseless.

Be the Body of Christ - believe for those who just can't right now. Serve those you can. Question God as you need - He can take it and WANTS you to turn to Him, even to implore.

Weep and mourn. Comfort will come, even if unwanted and unfathomable.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

+ Eternal rest, grant unto them O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace.

May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.+

FEAST!!!

I adore feast days, especially when they involve a mother figure of mine - Mama Mary. Since becoming a mother, and needing certain things in an earthly mother, I have found myself turning to Mary more and more as I age for intercession and friendship.

Mary confuses many non-Catholics. I can't blame them, when I feel I never can adequately explain to them deeper than we don't worship her, and put her ahead or equal to God. I mean, how do you define air when you simply know it as the means to your existence? How do you define love in words? Actions speak louder than words, and Mary has always demonstrated great faith and grace that witnesses to me. I tell people that you go to your mother for help with something and a listening ear. Maybe she uses her influence to help you, or perhaps she offers comfort. That is Mary. I understand not wanting to worship anyone but our 3-in-1 God, but I do wish my Christian sisters and brothers took a deeper look at this incredible woman as this comforting ear and intercessor (even if all they can do is study her biblically, not just in tradition) When we say "Our Lady" we mean their Lady too. She loves all her children. Use faith filled eyes when looking, and you will see what I see, I KNOW it. You will be uplifted for it.

Nothing could be more perfect than what she says to a troubled Juan Diego - a very poor man who had lost his dear wife. His life was much worse than my life is now. He traveled no less that 15 miles a day on foot to get to where he needed to be, including worship. He lived in a time of little medicine, little money, little food. He was alone, yet she said the following to him (what impacts me personally is in bold):

Here I will show and offer all my love, my compassion and protection to the people. I am your merciful Mother, the Mother of all who love me, of those who cry to me, of those who have confidence in me. Here I will hear their weeping and their sorrows .. their necessities and misfortunes. Listen and let it penetrate your heart.

Do not be troubled or weighed down with grief. Do not fear any illness or vexation, anxiety or pain. Am I not your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and my protection? Am I not your fountain of life? Are you not in the fold of my mantle? In the crossing of my arms? Is there anything else you need?"

So, you can see why I feel like she's talking to me. Our Lady is called many names, and has appeared in many forms, and it's hard to pick a "favorite" - but this one is a sentimental favorite. How I long for these words spoken to me in a certain earthly relationship. They are such comfort, and remind me my home is not on earth, but in heaven. I'm not alone, I am pleasing, I am loved, I am protected, I am HUGGED and ENFOLDED. I need to choose not to fear. 

It's words from the Gospel. She simply points the way to her Son, but reminds me I'm not alone and to not struggle. What an incredible mother Jesus had, and she's my mother, my Queen of Heaven.

Our Mother. Our Queen. 

Tonight we celebrated her feast day with a Mexican style dinner. It was healthy, delicious and SIMPLE. It was just what this no-fuss season of Advent calls for and I don't do enough. 

It was nice to come together as a family in the hustle and bustle of a season that should be quiet and one of preparation. So, a feast day helps freeze time a bit! We ended the day listening to this CD, with the focus on the 2nd story - perfect for the day. 

Want to know more about Mary - check out this great article on her and her place biblically. 

I hope all of you had a wonderful day! Enjoy taking time this Advent to reflect and prepare...even as we all try to get everything done on our lists. Try not to show vexation ;) 

Blessings!!

Peace on Earth????????

I had a really beautiful prayer time with the kids. We lit their playdoh advent wreath, did our children's Advent meditations (Welcome Baby Jesus) by Sarah Reinhard at Snoring Scholar (we are SO loving this resource by the way. The "Thnk/Pray/Act" meditations and prompts are gorgeous and a treasure!! So easy to do!), and ended with a discussion on being generous to others and what that means in many ways. We hurried into to blowing out the candles after this insight from Valiant on repentance, being generous, and forgiving others.:

Valiant: If you were not generous, you were being mean, and mean people go to the tracks and get squished by trains. 


*crickets*. 

All riiiiighty then. 

Amen???

**Valiant's views are not shared in Welcome Baby Jesus, our creed, or by our family!!! LOL!!

Our Advent Wreath

I ADORE this time of year! I adore Advent, and preparing. My soul and spirit needs this so deeply - to prepare for my Lord.

This includes preparing my home, which seems to become a greater challenge each year in getting my symbols of the season out and about to help my mind and heart quiet. This year, while I had my wreath out and ready, it took a few days to light it and bless it. But, we got our home prepared this weekend, and I can tell my spirit and soul feel a difference! I am focusing better! Less noise!

Last week was our first year participating in Snoring Scholar's Advent Wreath Link-Up.  Here was my post last year, as it helps explain the deep meaning behind our particular wreath base.

So, without any further adieu, here is 2012's edition of the Advent Wreath Link-Up!!

As usual, we have it placed on our dinning table. This year, we are excited to have won a copy of Sarah Reinhard's Welcome Baby Jesus  and LOVE using the "Think/Pray/Act" prompts as we reflect on each week's candle. It is a WONDERFUL Advent resource for the whole family. This year, I took a wider angled picture to capture its daily companion - our Jesse Tree. We love these two traditions in our home. We do an ornament a day with the kids over at Advent Adventures!

I so love our wreath. I miss our traditional (my childhood) one...lost in storage from last year's move and illness....BUT, I have fallen in love with its simplicity, the color white - purifying my life, and the etchings on it with the themes of each week. I felt it was made for our home and hearts.

This year, we added new wreath - one for the kids. Lovely made this SO BRILLIANTLY simple homemade green play-dough wreath with votive candles in Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. How cool is this? We light it at night time prayers in their room (and blow it out and put it up high!). What a great, hands on, step by step way to learn about the Advent Wreath?

I hope you are having a blessed Advent 2012. Much love and prayers to you, and THANK YOU for your prayers for us. They are working, day by day. Healing is a blessing!!!

Comfort and Joy

                               

                                                                  Sometimes...it's the little things that bring added comfort and joy.

The treasured doesn't seem so far away after all...

                     ...and they shine just a bit brighter...

                                                                                                                   ...and glows from the inside out.


                                                            Comfort and Joy. I'll take it!

What I Wore Sunday, Vol. 2

Well, I'm humbled by the picture. Not my favorite - but it's the real me! Broom and all (my 2 year old son was pushing leaves off the porch as my husband took the picture).

It's a lovely 2nd week of Advent!!!! Blessed times to you all!!!

I'm a little tired as I write this, so it will be short and sweet. We had a LOVELY Mass, great homily, and wonderful community time afterward. I feel so blessed by my parish.

Today, I threw on a top I've had for over 4 years. It was the top I bought post partum for my now 4 yo's baptism. I'm still working on my weight post partum from my last baby....the 2 year old LOL! The jeans are some of the newest jeans I've gotten on my WW journey. With battling some emotional eating too...I've been up and down on this journey to get more healthy. I'll get there. Thanks for the prayers!

Top - Lerner New York, circa 2008
Jeans - Value Village (thrift...no label survived)
Shoes - black Naturalizer ballet pumps.
Jewelry:  pearl earrings from my 19th birthday, leather and metal cross bracelet

Oh - and I washed and brushed my hair. That's a big deal ;)

Happy Sunday! Can'y wait to be inspired traveling around all those participating at: Fine Linen and Purple.

Blessings!!

Blessed Advent to you!! Week 2!

May you have a blessed, second week of Advent. And, to my dear friends who celebrate Hanukkah - Happy Festival of Lights!

Much love!

Ooops!!

It's not a totally PJ day like I thought, ooops....it's a MAJOR feast day too!!  And, haha, this is totally me on more occasions than I can count:

So, while I was looking forward to a day in my PJs, I think getting a chance to give some praise to the God who gives me my PJ days and gratitude for our Mama Mary would probably be in order!

Blessed Feast Day to you!!!

Blessed Advent!

It's Advent!!! May this be a blessed time of preparation for us all!!!!

Art

Ok, I fell in a hole. I'm so sorry. I was on an upswing where blogging didn't feel like work, and then it felt like work, and I was a bit burdened and stressed...and well....blah blah blah. Hey G - you still checking? HAA!

I have noticed so many bloggers taking a break, posting less, or jumping in with renewed energy after feeling their blog had become "work". I'm shocked I haven't even done an Advent post yet. I LOVE Advent.

Yep...funky town.

But, I'll report some good things real fast I hope to follow with pictures - A great Thanksgiving holiday, fun at the park, fun in the leaves, a KID FREE weekend getaway for my husband and I, a Santa Brunch, A Family Christmas Work Party, and more. I also restarted my WW meeting journey after missing months of meetings when my husband was in another state for months, and then I just fell out of the habit after that...and made excuses...humph. So, we've been living life - just not here, and I'm getting annoyed I'm not recording it, because I LOVE my past blog entries. A bygone, care free era.

I have so much to blog, I feel overwhelmed, so we'll just start with some recent art projects by my girls:


"Mommy" (apparently on a contacts wearing day), by Valiant.

"Pounce" by Lovely.

"My family" by Valiant

I love our happy smiles. Can you see us all crowding like this at your door? HA!

A study on Van Gogh, by Lovely

Much love....blessings!!!!

What I Wore Sunday Meme - Week (Volume?) 1

Hey! I've been noticing this new(?) meme on a few of the blogs I read, and if anything, I love it for the fashion inspiration from looking through the participants. I think this meme is for promoting great fashion that also celebrates modesty. If I'm missing an element...let me know! In any case, I'm trying to dress better (both for my spirit, and for the sake of putting some effort into the beautiful gift God sees me as, no matter my weight).

I first learned of this meme from on of my new favorite blog finds - "Camp Patton" (seriously, Grace is HYSTERICAL and if I could just let myself go, this would be the writing style I'd let lose in! She has such a dry, sarcastic wit about motherhood in the trenches). LOVE it. (Thanks for the rec, Kris!).

I've noticed some participants actually list brands and such and where to find their clothes. I have to chuckle because I am so ignorant of who I'm wearing. But I'll try! Also, I'm not sure how long I can do this meme, because I don't own 52 different outfits. Maybe this meme is supposed to inspire versatility?

Ok...so without further adieu - here's What I wore Sunday. Hosted by Fine Linen and Purple.

Well - here I am on a lovely fall Sunday, Veteran's Day, and also the 60th Wedding Anniversary of my beloved Aunt and Uncle, who are also my Godparents. They are a truly amazing couple. Six living children, one daughter in heaven (their first child, Rosemary, who sadly got sick and passed away before her 1st birthday), 15+ grandchildren, countless nieces and nephews, and GREAT nieces and nephews, a 25 year serving deacon that just retired because my aunt needed more full time care after a stroke (BTW, she is doing really amazing...walking slowly, talking slowly, but doing so well!). They are simply amazing. They renewed their vows at the end of Mass, and it was so inspirational. They were giving a standing ovation. There was a lovely lunch following. Sadly, the children and I had to skip the sit down luncheon. The younger two children were very animated, and had been good for a VERY long Mass (part of the homily was spent showing how to use a new directory database for church records for each family to maintain themselves - REALLY??? MY uncle was about to blow a gasket!! LOL!) I heard I made the right decision when my dad called later to say the food was late to be served. Go mommy instincts!

Anyways - how does this meme work? I talk about my outfit? Ok - so I'm wearing a black sweater dress, with denim leggings (that also have sippers on the calf to the ankle), and zebra striped ballet like slippers. It was perfect for the mild fall weather today. I also wore earrings lol. Life changing.

outfitted in:
sweater dress - a no brand from the PX at the VA Hospital
denim leggings (jeggings?) - by Miley Cyrus (snort) via thrift store
shoes: brand ?? from a thrift store.
earrings - given to me by my sister - long strands of blue buttons. She probably made them from Pinterest. She's gifted that way. 

I may have to totally steal Grace's Mass Report Card, but that doesn't feel right at this time. I will report that my kids did really well. Their dad had to spend the morning at work switching servers, and he attended Mass this evening at the Cathedral - so they did really well in a new church with just me!

....and I guess...that's it? Well, that's what I worse Sunday! Now...do I title these entries as volumes? weeks? LOL!  Come and join me. You know you want to be pressured to try a little harder on Sundays too. You KNOW I needed it! ;) Or - maybe you are always fashionable in your jeans or dress! Blessings!

Haircut!

When you gain about 10 pounds back on your weight loss journey....it'a nice to do something to put some spring back in your step. I'm going to make November my month to reconquer the gluttony! Back to honest tracking, and adding in some workouts. Hopefully the hair takes away the pounds, right? HAHAHA!

Happy Monday! (All Saints Pics to come. Having trouble uploading some).

Halloween 2012 - BOO!

Well, it's not a bad thing I'm posting Halloween pics on All Soul's Day  - ha!! I am aiming to post All Saints pictures soon! We went Trick or Treating with Lovely's Godmother and family (and their oldest child is our Goddaughter). It was a lovely time in a lovely neighborhood!

Gift was scared at first (it was his first independent year to walk door to door) and while he never seemed to master saying "Trick or Treat" or "Thank You (grrr), he mastered walking up and reaching for candy before it was offered. Sigh. Oh - and he wanted to eat each piece as he received it. HA!

So - Happy Halloween 2012 from our family to yours:

We are: Daddy - Flynn Ryder, Valiant - Rapunzel, Mommy - Mother Gothel, Lovely - Black Cat, and Gift - Thomas the Train.

Our three Halloween crazies!!! With smiles!!

I loved Flynn and Rapunzel! 

Me as MEAN Mother Gothel - by Val's request. WHY? Am I mean?

Hope your Halloween was fun!!! The Halloween Switch Witch came and took our candy away and left small tokens of fun. Whew! My waistline didn't need it!!! HA!

Much love!

Oh! For lunch today - we had 3 Mummy Dogs made by my 3 mummy lovers. I love how each mummy reflects the physical abilities of the chef lol! Trick or Treat!

I'm better for posting.

When a door seems shut...God opens a window. 

View from my bed today - even with Sandy hitting the eastern shore.

I was amazed last evening.

When I hit publish on my post, "Stuck", yesterday - I instantly felt better. I even commented on that post how much lighter I felt. I'm not cured, but I don't feel as out of control or panicked as I did writing that post. I feel less numb. Apparently transparency is my MO. I felt less insecure, and less depressed with letting it all out. Talking about similar parenting decisions to mine by my nearest and dearest made me feel more confident. Talking on the phone to a dear blogging pal reminded me to toss out the negative voices as much as I could. All of that is logical, and I'm working on it. My emotions don't always follow suit - but I'm working on it. It is extra aggravating to me that I KNOW what I should be doing, feeling, and dealing - but I can't FIX it. I'm such a fixer.

I do notice I trend towards depression and insecurity when I hold back from sharing my feelings. It's hard, because I do feel the need to share my feelings a lot - which appears self-centered and burdens those I want to talk to. It depends on how heard I feel. I tend to ramble or seek resolution if I don't think I'm making enough sense to be understood (or "heard"). Oh, how I wish I could turn it off. Blessedly, my episodes usually come and go. But, I've been pretty embattled the last year - and couple this past year to the previous 2 years where I was sensing something insecure (I had no idea it was my marriage, but I knew I was in unsteady times, and it lead me to seek a therapist. I had assumed it was post postpartum depression and lack of sleep). So, a few of my relationships have been tested by me...well...being very flawed. Me almost being my own Roman soldier and forcing Simons to help carry my crosses. Then I try to over-fix...and well....I'm exhausted. So, I hold back. I hold in. And....I implode - like yesterday.

(I still feel incredibly frumpy with my weight struggle. But, that is another post. Today I improved...but barely.)

But...transparency works for me. Perhaps, it is how God made me. The perks of my personality are a gift from God. The flip side is just a cross Jesus asks me to carry. I will find balance one day. Until then, I learned yesterday to take my burden to the altar, and to this blog. And keep working on improving. I felt less numb today - I felt God again. It was me being open, since He is always there for me. I was laying in bed during the younger two's nap time and I saw the beauty out my window and the sunlight and just FELT God. I'm still struggling to keep that door open and feel less numb, less searching, but I felt better today than I had in a week. I made sure I scooped up my family and got them outside and IN God's beautiful creation.

We headed to our local community garden, park, and hiking trails.

Today was just a gift from God. The days may be becoming shorter and shorter....

...but it is up to me to find the beauty in the hours of light I'm given.

I'm better. Not perfect. But better.

AMEN! Praying for you! If you have any prayer requests, PLEASE post them in the combox so we can pray for you!!! Thank you for all the comments and prayers. Really.