Been up a while

Argh. Just venting. I've been awake a for a couple of hours, and gave up tossing and turning. I'm still recovering, but maybe this insomnia means I'm getting better to not need rest? HAHA.

I finally got up because darkness/insomnia/tossing and turning turn my cozy bed sanctuary into a breeding ground of anxiety. Oh, the thoughts in my head about homeschooling concerns and planning, family strife, marriage progress, being a check-in mother, finances, future plans...you name it, I thunk it.

It seems my UNPLANNED Christmas day afternoon nap was because I was getting sick. I have been sick since the day after Christmas until/including the day that is breaking as we approach 7am. I got one day at home to rest after my stressful Christmas, then we turned back around and headed back, as extended family was arriving for a 3 day visit.

I was nervous. This side of the family holds some tension. I was so out of gas from the 25th, that I was so nervous. But, Day 1 and most of Day 2 were FANTASTIC. It was so nice to be together. But, oh...was I getting sick - hoarse, throat cold (not sore, more like laryngitis). I was so. tired. I made sure I did not nap. I set my alarm when I would lay down with my younger kids for their nap time so I would rouse when we fell asleep together.

Then, came the evening of Day 2. The men of the house were gone, my parents gone, so the ladies left behind poured some wine for some girl talk. At first the conversation centered around the one family member that stressed us all out and how to deal better with it. It seemed to open the door to some bonding (such needed bonding if we COULD get it). When it was my turn to share, I shared things I had loved, and struggled with growing up. We all had shared stories of our not so great youth moments - and I linked mine (since my sister had joked about my crazy ADHD self as a kid - ooooh, I had some issues!) to how I couldn't fully fault my bullies in school too much if I really had such control issues. I probably made myself an easy target. This lead to questions, and I was excited to share. Up until this time, I always felt my FRIENDS knew me better than my family. That felt wrong to me...I've always dreamed/hoped my family would be closer, would be bonded, like so many families seemed in my circles, or in books, movies, or TV. So, I shared (we all did) but my stories were so surprising to my family that I felt stupid for sharing them. I felt embarrassed finally opening up. My sister was fine...but...anyways...I just regret sharing now.

Maybe that is why I overshare. Looking to be heard? I don't know, I feel I talk too much about myself in the past 2 years. I try not to, but I'll relate something someone said to me, trying to make a connection. But I fear it isn't a good "listening" technique and leaves others feeling I stole the train. Maybe I don't - but I've been told by one I do. I know blogging helps me find a release for my thoughts, blessedly. But I sure felt I did that with my family - even though everyone shared. I just felt so raw and exposed and embarrassed for trying to shorten the age gap and share with them. Their stories were so different because of their ages.

So, the conversation turned to homeschooling. This family member is one I've suspected hasn't loved our family's choice in homeschooling, and even though they assured me that was not so, the conversation turned to more of me defending why we do it. I should have ended it, after my sister chimed in to defend me saying that she knows we check with the national/state standards, etc and homeschooling is such a stronger option than it was 15 years ago. She was AWESOME (and I don't think she fully loves what we do, but she embraces and supports our passion for it)! My sister eventually dosed off in her chair. I should have walked away, but in the moment, I wanted to try to share the experiences that changed my mind on homeschooling (I used to be against it!). Dare I say, I wanted to bond with my family. Wrong move. I was hoarse, tired, and losing the battle to 'their reason'. After I described our schedule, my family member said, "So, basically, you are not really homeschooling, but creating a private school atmosphere with these art classes, Good Shepherd class, and co-oops and LEGO class." Sigh.

I told her she could see it that way, as homeschooling parents tailor education to their kids, which goes beyond what a public school can do....but more than a private school, especially the early years. I went on to tell her how the scene was changing, and if a child chose not to do traditional high school, that there was dual enrollments in local colleges, great ways to learn, save $, etc. But that was reasoned off by them, in a very negative tone. They questioned not letting certified teachers for ANY grade teach children, how did parents know enough, "SOCIALIZATION" and "what about the high school experience?". I told her that she had good points/questions, and every family decides what works best for them, that it was just nice to see the options unfold. It was a down hill discussion. For all their pledges they supported what we were doing....the tone and facts and reasoning they used was very anti-homeschooling. I was glad when I finally realized and could switch topics...with my sister waking up in her chair and that helping me bring up how late it was and we all should get to bed. I wish I had done it sooner, I REALLY was hoping for a light to go off, and some bonding to occur. Instead, I went to bed anxious, worried about our choices, etc. Darn it! And that's on me...how I let words affect me.

Anyways...those events popped up in my mind. Is Lovely really learning and thriving this year? I made big goals to improve 2nd semester...do more writing, reading....enrichment. But I'm battling feeling defeated.Then I thought about our new 2013 budget, marriage stress, how alone I feel lately, etc. Toss and turn, toss and turn. At least I'm not coughing as I have been. I can see big improvement in my healing.

When I started feeling too gloomy, I got up. I read some funny things online, and then thought some prayer time would help. There is nothing better than 3 Minute Retreat.

Ironically...this was today's featured meditation (You can click through the many they have - but one is featured). I'd say God never speaks to us by chance.

So, that meditation speaks for itself. I will rue over Psalm 85:9 and the questions the meditation asks me to consider...where in my life am I most in need of peace? How can I make room in my heart for God's word in my heart? How can I share it with others? 

Pray for me. Please leave any prayer intentions you have. You have no idea how it helps me to focus on something for others. It keeps the Body of Christ more alive in my heart. Much love.

It's a new day dawning. 

Fall Weekend Getaway

This weekend has had GORGEOUS weather. So much so, that we decided to flee town and head back to our favorite escape spot! We spent almost all weekend outside. It was so much fun!

It was a magical two days and the first relaxed days for our family of 5 in a LONG time. Playing by the river, enjoying the market, hiking around the mountain, frolicking with the gnomes in Rock City and petting fish at the aquarium. Seeing the bright colored leaves (little Valiant kept asking "Did God paint the trees? YES!!!!) on our drive there and back while listening to bluegrass completed a phenomenal family bonding time. Did. Not. Want. To. Return. LOVE my FAMILY.

DID. NOT. WANT.  TO. COME. HOME. Phenomenal weekend.

I am now recharged for the week. The only hiccup? Valiant spiked 102 fever tonight. Oh well...life is still GOOD, and she is happy. Love and prayers to all!! 

Happy New Year!! :)

Howdy Howdy!!!

I'm attempting some happy wishes while feeling sick again on a GORGEOUS day. I may have to get the girls and I out despite my swollen sinuses for a walk before the sun sets. But, I'll end this pity party with a hearty "Happy New Year!"

No - I'm not confused from my medication! For any Christian followers who enjoy the season of Advent, today is the first day of Advent and the start of a new Christian year. For Catholics, it's the start of a new liturgical year which includes reading a different new testament book of the bible than the previous year (new cycle). The older I get, the more I think these trivia facts get cooler, and I appreciate them more.

I'm also excited because Advent is the time of preparation for Christmas! We're preparing our hearts, homes, and minds for the coming of Baby Jesus and the Promise! It's a time rich in tradition for so many families. People love their Christmas traditions, and I love hearing about them. As Lovely ages, I've tried to do new traditions that can make this season more enjoyable and meaningful for the whole family. I guess I feel that with each passing year, we rush from Halloween into Christmas in the retail world, and their calendar dictates what we think and feel. Poor Thanksgiving gets skipped over, and then in the countdown to Christmas it seems stressful -rush rush, buy buy, etc. Sure, I can be working on myself to stay calm, but a lot of that pressure can be external. The true reason for the season, and the whole reason Advent is around is to help us quiet down, prepare, have hope, peace, and joy as we await the coming of Hope and Life. It's a time to enjoy Advent and Christmas traditions, family, and friends. It's more than just shopping and presents (though the making of presents can be fun!) and I like that something out there is telling me to slow down, listen, and wait.

Many church denominations share the same traditions (Advent Wreathes, Jesse tree etc), hold Advent Women Teas, focus on scripture, pause and reflect each Sunday and every day - and I love how Christ brings us all together in the hope of this season! Even when we feel the pinch of the economy on our wallets, if we just look to each other we realize just how RICH we are in those around us. My life is so full of blessings, I can hardly list them all. Now that's MY 401K!!

So what are your Advent and Christmas traditions? I wonder what my family could be missing? I love making this liturgical season special, and a time to renew my own faith, and today starts so much of that for my family!!! Here is a starting list to what we'll be doing in our home. Some of these things we've always done, some we're starting this year:

Christmas Tree
Decorations all over the house
Nativity (I love having them everywhere - and the girls have a set to play with)
Advent Wreath
Advent Calendar (I wanted to make one, but ran out of time. We got one of those cute door and chocolate ones from my childhood for Lovely. I LOVED those! See picture - she's holding it!)
Bible Stories
Christmas Stories (many from the books I read as a child!! I still have them!)
The Nutcracker (we have a big music box the girls love watching and hearing, and the story and the ballet music are so wonderful!)
Holiday Music in the house (more sounds of the season - to calm and enjoy. We'll also have less TV )
Jesse Tree (our first one!! This is a new tradition for us, kid led with Lovely making the ornaments. We're using the Advent Adventures as our guide!)
Coloring pages, projects, and games (again, many in thanks to Advent Adventures!)
Special Holiday foods (both traditional and some more symbolic - all tasty hehe!)
3 Gifts on Christmas morning (my parents did this...not sure how old the tradition goes back in the family - but my parents never let us have more than 3 gifts from them and Santa - Santa and my parents only give us the same amount of gifts Baby Jesus got. LOVED this idea...even as a child! It helped me remember Christmas is Jesus' birthday and "the reason for the season.")
Santa/ Ole St. Nick (yes, we love Santa here. I love the magic of the imagination with the blending of the Christmas spirit. My parents always told us Santa/St. Nick was a way to spread that love of the season of giving on Jesus b-day and he was a Saint too! It made that spirit, that magic, STILL fun, even after we were old enough to know who acted on Santa's behalf hehe!! Here is a great post about Santa/St. Nick from Sarah at Snoring Scholar)
Christmas Stockings
CLASSIC holiday movies ( love Rankin Bass classics like Rudolph, Nestor [LOVE Nestor - the story of the donkey who carried Mary], Little Drummer Boy, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, Frosty the Snow Man, etc.)
Christmas Cookies and Reindeer Food!
Reading of the Christmas Story and Twas the Night Before Christmas
Advent Adventures (I LOVE this home program. It helps all of us learn new traditions, understand why we do what we do, craft together, learn liturgy, as well as gather us in prayer)
...and I'm always remembering more....I'd love to hear more!

Here is a New Year's picture from the girls to you :)



This was today after Lovely and I got the Advent wreath ready with greenery (this pottery wreath is from my childhood and growing up years!! I love it for both sentimental reasons and the fact it holds both the candles AND water for the greenery!) and did our lighting blessing and song. She's also holding a tradition of my childhood - the Advent calendar - the chocolate kind - open a door and find a surprise as we countdown to Christmas (maybe next year I'll have made my own...). Little Valiant enjoys the candle, singing, and snacking :) It's a good day to just hang out, ready the house, and be together in this new season, new year.

I hope you all have a great season! Blessings abound if you look hard enough! Fill free to send any traditions you do. I LOVE ideas and hearing other people's stories! This season is SO RICH!

Happy New Year! Happy Advent!!

(Oh! An another cool thing? Once Christmas is here, it REALLY is 12 days long hehe, not just one day like retail says!! FUN!! Bring on the Christmas music!! But I digress....lol)

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Oh - if you didn't click on the above links to those classic movies, below is a clip of Nestor, and Rudolph. I love how both address lovely aspects of faith, the season, and the magic - along with overcoming obstacles with some grace (Nestor trips over his ears and is made fun of, but yet is chosen to carry the Holy Family, and Rudolph has to overcome teasing to save the day (Hermie too, and the misfit toys...lol!)





and just for fun - I have this book based on the art of this lovely version of the 40s Rudolph:

"You give me Fever..."

I've been humming that Eva Cassidy song "Fever" the last few days, as Lovely has had this fever (sounds like her class has it) and now Baby Val does too. Luckily, they sleep well, and are happy as long as fever reducers work. I've canceled our plans for dinner tonight, and with our niece (she would have been our babysitter) and we'll settle in for a quiet weekend. The girls and I will stay home from church tomorrow too and hopefully rest this virus away!

I'm up early this morning, enjoying the sounds of a sleepy, quiet house, and doing some internet reading. I'd better get off to it before the little ones tell me it is time for them, hehe!

Stay Well!

I now know who my forever friends are....

GERMS!!!

Hahaha! You thought I was going to say someone else. ;)

Maybe part of my "blahness" was the fact I was coming down with a NASTY stomach/intestinal bug. Fever and all. I JUST got over walking pneumonia, and then got saddled with this bug. I can see some improvement today fever wise, but *ahem* I'm still BFF with the bathroom lol. Germs and infections LOVE me. I can't get a break.

But, I'm blessed beyond measure, and I've gotten numerous calls to check on me, offers for medicine, and Lovely even spent much of the afternoon at my neighbors while I took care of the baby and myself till Hubby miraculously got home. It stinks being sick while being a parent. You still have to be "on". Humbling. He's home today bless him (this isn't fun for anyone) and has taken Lovely to school, gone on errands, and taken over baby care. I feel surrounded by love, and truly my friends are my family. I love you!!!! I'm here for you when you need me.

I'll check in some other time. I'm hoping today will end this (these usually are 24/48 hour bugs, right?) My doctor even checked on me this morning (I love her) and told me to fast for tomorrow's appointment and she'll do blood work. LOVE her!

Take Care.

The Joke's on Me!

Yo Yo!! Wuz up??

Let's see, lots to post, but lack of energy to do so. Lovely gets better, then fever, then better, etc. The joke's on me! So, we're taking a rest day tomorrow. She will also spend some time at her grandparents because Val is now feverish (but I suspect more teething....) but is glued to momma who is also worn down from being "sick". My mom was in a generous mood when I was updating her and volunteered to help me divide and conquer the kids so I can get some rest and kick this cough. THANKS MOM!!! I got a doc appt in for me today, and was told the cough was allergy related (when did I get allergies??) and due to nursing, I can't take much. So, I'll take what I can (a spray and some version of Clarit*n) every 12 hours, and try to rest tomorrow. But, I have someplace to be in the afternoon, so I'll rest up until then. I'm just plum worn out!

So - to come - more recordings of our daily activities, including a trip to the carnival on a "well" day for us all, and me taking some time to show off some of my blog roll for the "sisterhood blog" awards! A sister to me thought I somehow earned this award, and now I'm in charge of finding 10 more fantastic women to share. A hard act to follow from the originator! ;)

Until then, I'd better take advantage of sleep!!! Sweet dreams ya'll!

PAX out!

Gotta love our pediatrician!

Well, Lovely's fever returned yesterday. We were told this past Tues to call again if it came back, because without other symptoms, a spiking fever needs to be checked if it does not go away within 5 days. Our ped has great hours, including Saturdays - but her fever came back after the office closed. He is closed on Sundays, but when we called to update her condition - he said he'd meet us at his office for a checkup at 2pm today...on his day off, instead of waiting till tomorrow!! We love this guy, and he really knows Lovely well and gives her hugs, knows her by name, and welcomes her always. I hope he never retires and is around for both our girls!

Here's to hoping we all get better this week. I need to get my cough checked out too this week. The caregiver needs care too!!

Take Care!