A New Year's Do Over

So, it's time for my word. You know, that cool idea floating the blogs and vlogs of choosing one word to focus your year around, not just a bunch of resolutions.

This was my post and word choice from last year. 

Guess what? I've decided to do last year over, and refocus on that word again. I lost focus a few months in. The definition of my word even has 12 descriptors, perfect for breaking down month by month! I never made it a priority. I think it would help me to try again in 2013.

So, along with getting better about a healthy diet and exercise, a healthier mental outlook, and an end to my spiritual dryness - I think I will relump my focus in 2013 with "Redeem" again.

My word is redeem. 

So....let me use some of last year's post to introduce redeem again. I've edited in places for 2013:

...In the midst of the churning waters threatening to overtake us, God's hand started to show up - almost immediately. When Hubby came home from work early (1pm on Sept 16th) to confess we needed to be out of the house by the 19th and he was not himself - a qualified friend answered my stunned phone call for help for my husband to give him someone to talk to. My children were immediately tended to for the next several days, and a place for us to live was offered generously and ready immediately. My sister and next door neighbor started organizing what to do to get us moved while I walked around rather like a zombie, and best friends (including all the before mentioned) started POURING out of the woodwork to pack us up, take down furniture, PACK, wrap, feed, and soothe us. I'm talking about friends driving HOURS to come cover us in love. We were drowning, and were being pulled to safety by everyone. It was overwhelming. 

I could not believe it. I was feeling like a failure - a fooled woman too traditional and blinded by my own vocation to see what was veiled from me - and yet friends poured in to support BOTH Hubby and I - no matter how it happened that the house was lost  - it didn't matter to anyone. We were reminded we were worth far more in this life than as homeowners. I could tell, almost immediately, God was redeeming the situation. I never felt like saying "Why Us?" because God didn't cause this. Instead I felt like saying "Why NOT us?" knowing God had us protected and would keep showing His hand. He redeemed.

Our new little 2 bedroom condo somehow fit all the things we absolutely needed, and the things that made it feel like a home. Furniture just FIT. The crib just FIT in our master bedroom. The girls' stuff just FIT in the other bedroom. Storage for the rest was secured. God redeemed our housing situation. Much was donated or given away to help others (redeem!), much was purged to create more peace in our souls and future space (redeem!) before moving day. Meals came almost every night for 3 weeks (redeem!), and when Hubby was put in the hospital - people did it all again! Can you believe it? More meals, childcare, support, donations....the redeeming went on, and on, and on. I was brought to my knees in humbleness. I started to understand just how hard it was for Mary to say "YES" to Gabriel. I was having to learn to say "yes" to so many people.

Then, as things quieted down - it was just me and my empty feeling marriage. While still in love, I had no idea really who I was married to - since the hiding and trying to shield us from the painful truth had gone on a few years - but deep down I felt God. I knew we had the POTENTIAL for becoming great again as a true partnership sharing the load. I could, and still can, feel God redeeming our marriage and family. That feeling will continue into 2012 (now, 2013). In addition, the end of 2012 found me in a difficult emotional place with my extended family Christmas day, and the week following with out of town family. I am praying for redemption there, even if in my heart only. I can only control me.  

I've grown up my whole life hearing "Christ the Redeemer." I never EVER got the true meaning of the word "Redeem" until we had this loss. It dawned on me that weekend as I stumbled around watching so many people help us that many people of the world assume God will FIX our problems, that Jesus will just FIX our illnesses, situations, flaws, or problems. Fixing is NOT what God is. He is "The Redeemer." He'll take what is broken and reform it, reclaim it, fulfill it.

So, my word for 2013 is:

FROM WEBSTER'S  - THE DEFINITION OF REDEEM :

transitive verb

1

a : to buy back : repurchase b : to get or win back

2

: to free from what distresses or harms: as a : to free from captivity by payment of ransom b : to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental c : to release from blame or debt : clear d : to free from the consequences of sin

3

: to change for the better : reform

4

restore

5

a : to free from a lien by payment of an amount secured thereby b (1) : to remove the obligation of by payment redeems savings bonds on demand> (2) : to exchange for something of value <redeem trading stamps> c : to make good : fulfill

6

a : to atone for : expiate <redeem an error> b (1) : to offset the bad effect of (2) : to make worthwhile : retrieve

Pretty amazing definition, huh? I think this is the PERFECT word for 2012 as I seek do the hard work involved to redeem my marriage, redeem our marital love and trust, redeem my feeling of worthiness, redeem our FEELING of home for our children to feel secure and know that faith is what matters, not the THINGS. My husband and I can also redeem our financial future. It won't be easy...but I will let the Redeemer in.

Amazingly - in my daily life I can use the above definition to my advantage. To redeem 2012, I can use all these verbs to my advantage every day, every step, every breath and whispered prayer. I can also focus on them month by month:

atone
retrieve
fulfill
free
exchange
restore
reform
ransom
clear
win back
offset
repurchase

Jesus did all the above for me. He has shown me the way....

Now, I simply need to try, one step at a time. I need to try and redeem my spiritual dryness that is my making, as God has not forsaken me. I'm just lost. I need to try and redeem the daily struggles to grab joy and really savor the victories and small triumphs in my life, even when it feels like I'm walking thigh deep in water. I need to try and redeem my physical and emotional health.

It is redeemable.

Happy New Year - I wish you freedom too in this wonderful new year. Bring on 2013.

Blessings! Pray for me....I'm praying for you!