Recaping our Therapist Change

So, let me process a bit on what happened with our Catholic therapist.

 

Each time we met, while we initially liked her, I was wondering what her process was. I felt like the 3 times we went, she wasn't clear on why this foreclosure situation was different than most, even though we had told her it was the betrayal of hiding so much. Her assignments were very good about bringing us intimacy – but they didn't focus on the trust issues we have resulting from the foreclosure. It’s like she hadn't really heard or read my words I did on the paperwork that I am a betrayed and scared woman who still doesn’t know what is really going on or how to plan to save us. I finally broke under the latest assignment (dating and cuddling more 15 mins a day) and let her and Hubby know together in an email it was too much for me with all the issues churning underneath. To be fair to her, maybe I did not make it as clear as I did in my emails. But, I know I’ve said them calmly in our 1st and second sessions, and they are in our chart/notes from the FIRST session. She made us list 6 things we were most worried about, and I wrote volumes on those 6 lines. 

 

She questioned my repeated comments each session that we are talking to a certified financial counselor (that we know by first name), and that I’ve been talking to a military officer at our parish that alerted me to some other missed areas we need to work on for Hubby to keep his job contracting with the military. I can see why she was worried or had concerns when she said I was leaning on “other men outside the marriage when Hubby and I need to do our own finances” when she said that direct quote, but it threw me and I addressed it immediately. I did not want her to think I was turning to other men to save me that could lead me to some attraction, or something. 

 

I said she didn’t seem to understand me when I said it was obvious we needed help getting new budget help, payment options, career advice, and starting our lives over and people get paid to be financial advisers. I told her that if women were offering these services, I would use them – gender was not my focus point. I totally can see why she said that...and a woman in my position doesn’t need to get wrapped up with other “men” – but she seemed unclear why we needed financial mentoring because budgeting was so "simple" to her. I told her I felt God was putting people or conversations in my life to educate me on things I have no idea about. Gender never even came into my mind! 

 

Instead of focusing the next 30 minutes on our relationship - she proceeded to teach us about budgeting  - which we know how to do in a basic way. It's the rebuilding and making a payback plan in our budget that we need the help with. It's so overwhelming that professional guidance is needed. I would think if one loses a house, they need real help, right? Or, on a individual couple basis - right? I doubt there is one rule to follow in this complex situation. I thought we would see a therapist for help mending our relationship, spiritually and physically, etc, and also get financial help with other professionals at the same time. I know that our relationship and finances are a bit tangled at this point, but I needed more time spent on WHY has Hubby not shown me these things yet. What am I doing to him to shut him down...what is he doing to himself? Not "how to budget" with a marriage therapist. I would try and point this out (probably not well enough) and things got heated with the therapist. I am shocked at how heated I could get at someone. I'm usually polite to a fault. Oh, I had hot tears of frustration too! I didn't know if I was impeding myself and making up these issues with our therapist, or really seeing an issue that professionaly meant we needed a new therapist. People do try to place blame on other people than themselves in therapy! I was driving myself nuts trying to discern my feelings in that meeting. 

Interestingly, even she (the therapist) was trying to keep composure. She's an older, professional woman. She's very nice, and we went to the same college! So, I was shocked when little things started growing disconcertingly. We had a limited time to work, and issues were just exploding. When I shared my struggle about what to tell my family to keep them from asking/saying too much that could impede our process, etc and she said “I should stop telling them all the bad things about Hubby like I have been doing for years.” I am not sure where she got or assumed this, since at our first meeting I told her I have a very "strong" family that I have had to defend ANY in-law to, and try to create boundaries with - so I've never shared any marital struggle we had. I’m really sensitive about that (trigger!) and I got upset at that, trying to tell her I DON’T tell my extended family anything negative about Hubby. I understand though many women do tell their families too much, so she probably just assumed I did. But, she should know from my paperwork and previous meetings that I don’t tell my extended family much to a fault. But, maybe I assume way too much! I do that! So, this is my fault I am sure.

The last issue that had been popping up at each of our 3 sessions also rubbed me the wrong way. When we lost the house, I assumed it meant that homeschooling was over and I needed to be back to work FULL time as of 'yesterday'. We were surprised when our professional financial person saw a different picture - one that was less grim. Apparently, our basic living plan helped us - paid off cars, no desires for boats or fancy vacations/dinners, a modest home versus a fancy one, or loans to do certain things. We're really simple people. Now, I learned when I lost the house that I should have worked longer if we wanted to stay in that house - but Hubby hid that from me. We bought our house to live on one income - it just happened that with the economy, more children being born to us etc - this was not the house to do the one income in after all, sadly. Had I known that - we could have discerned together whether I should continue working, or MOVE to keep on homeschooling or staying home longer with our children in a home that was really a one income home. Now that we are renters, we are now living way below our means (like I thought we were doing before, but now I can verify it all!). Our financial guy shares our common values and with his knowledge told us while me getting a part time job or tutoring would be smart - we could still homeschool and do what we want to do because we were living so cheaply, while paying back the cards Hubby used in 2-3 years. He said for our situation, we were doing better than many in this situation.  He also said if we wanted to rent a larger space than we are now, he would help us discern if I need to work more to make that happen, but to stay put for now and let the dust settle and re-save money. Childcare is expensive.  

That said, while I am prepared to work if I need to full time, I honestly am hoping to avoid it - but not at the cost to our family! But, I got very burned out at my job before being away from our one child at the time. We have 3 now. Now - if I do work full time, I now know how to ask for help and therapy now as needed (I should have sought out help when I was so overwhelmed working years ago), so I know I could make it work - but it would be something I would morn - but eventually find joy in providing for my family. I just want to be truthful in how I wold feel about it. People have to do things they don't want to do for their family all the time. It is called sacrifice. But being home with my children the last 3 1/2 years has been a GIFT. I PRAY it can continue, and I'm grateful for the chance to still be home and time to discern. 

So, knowing how I feel about it all - I was confused when listening to our therapist. I wondered if I was as delusional as she made me feel. She really insisted I should be working. I get that would make me sad or stressed because we all know I want to work IN the home, not outside of it, but we all know if I need to, I will...as sad as it would make me. From Session One, I told her my feelings, but even with us both telling her our financial guy said we were on track to still homeschool FOR NOW, she has said I need to be working because “it is too risky in this economy for only one person to be working.” She asked me in session two about it again, Hubby even said that our financial guy still had us on that track and he was glad and we've discussed this already. The way she speaks these words trigger me, as they make me one of my family members talking down to me again (MY issue, not my therapist obviously. My flaw, not hers!) She said again basically while we think that, we really should not be as “it is too risky in this economy for families to have one working member, because what if they lose that job?” While that is VERY valid, we told her it was a decision and sacrifice we had made to try, and when we lost the house we assumed I would have to work full time – and we surprised to learn from our financial planner we could keep living small and live that dream for the time being. I’ve told her many times I’ll work – tutor, work part time, full time etc  but, do what our guy advises us. If he says WORK - I'm working. If he says wait and do what you are doing - then by all means, I am so grateful to stay home with my children for now. I have plenty to figure out - like working to add to our retirement too one day!

Anyways, at Session 3 (our last session) - it came up again (mostly because I had learned a new twist with Hubby's job certifications that had me more worried, in a healthy way, to take action to prepare to go back to work). She said regardless of what our financial guy was telling us, times are just different now, that this "isn’t the past when women stayed home. The economy is too risky.” She also said - sarcastically I’m sure – we should just “throw the kids into public school and me get to work.” I didn’t call her on that...and maybe I should. I was just shocked. Again, I don't think she meant that as it came out!

I got really upset and said that as long as we were being truly clear on our finances, that living on one income is a sacrifice many make, and is a calculated risk. She told me again I needed to be working, and “many people work that don’t want to be working.” I said I get that, that I have dear friends who do that, and I have done that and would do it and have told Hubby I would, no matter how miserable I would be - where she jumped in very sarcastic saying “Wow...what pressure to put on Hubby, knowing you would be so upset working.” That HURT me, because that is not my intent. But, I can see her point in pointing that out – so again, I don’t want to deflect blame. The way she said it though took me aback. I said back to her “shouldn’t I be honest with him about my feelings, AND the fact I would work and do what I had to do? I may be miserable, but I would do it, and find things to be positive about it. It is just a grief process for me, on top of losing my home and trust in my husband."

 

Then I asked her was she just talking about Hubby and I, or all couples that choose one incomes? She said again times are just too risky for one person to be home. So I said “What does that mean for our common friends who stay home with their kids while their husbands work?” She did not answer me. So, I’m left with wondering, am I deflecting her advice for ME and need to be responsible, or do she and I have conflict on OPINIONS on working and family choice we are butting heads on that won't really help in marriage therapy? 

 

Ultimately, in praying about it, and talking to some therapist friends of ours, we decided this therapist was not a match for us. It was professional, not personal - and switching to someone else shouldn't be a personal issue - we just focus on what we need in a professional and what we need to challenge us and heal us. I just felt her ways of helping us were getting lost in things that were not really what needed to be addressed first in our marriage therapy sessions.  I could be wrong though, and admit that, very heartily. It helps Hubby agreed too. He felt he was not getting enough challenge, or questions on why he let this happen (and me too!) for his own healing. He wants to figure out why things became like they are. 

So, we start in the new year with a new, recommended, therapist. I am praying this won't happen again, and that it isn't me impeding my process of healing by deflecting anything. I'm so scared it is me. But, I'll trust my gut too - and give it a shot. I just want this to WORK and for this new woman to be our therapist for the long haul so we can really get to work on our relationship, faith, and spiritual connections. 

So...that was my VERY bad Friday. I'm trying to remember it is professional, not personal. I'm also trying to pray that I was not deflecting the process. I also need more from myself, and from Hubby - and someone to bring that out of both of us. There is so much I don't know about Hubby's thoughts in all this, and reasons for his actions - and I'm so scared. 

Please keep praying for us. Any thoughts or advice you have, I would appreciate it!!

Blessings!!!!!!

On the 2nd day of Christmas....Feast of...something?? HAHA!

* I read on one of my online planners that today was Feast of the Holy Family  - but I think it was a misprint. Joy let me know it was Feast St. Stephen lol. Well...today is a Feast of something. It was a special day regardless!

Happy TWELVE Days of Christmas!

Today is the 2nd Day of Christmas, and the Feast of the Holy Family! A perfect day to celebrate one's own family. We started last night, the eve of the feast, with watching a family TV Special - "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

Lovely cuddled up with her dolls in the chair, Daddy on floor with Valiant. Baby Gift sleeping. Me grateful.

Today we've just relaxed as a family. We've made more Christmas crafts, played together, and had lunch together. In a bit, the girls head to my parents to have MORE special family time and a sleep over! I'll pick up Valiant tomorrow to work on potty training the next few days, and Lovely will get to stay and play at the grandparents. Another motivation for her few days there - Hubby and I can work on things more in detail with her 'older set of ears' gone when he is home. Sigh. Back to reality.

But for now I will enjoy our family time. So, I will close and go back to them :) . Blessings!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

For to us a child is born...Isaiah 9:6

* Drawing by Lovely, December 2011

Another Sneak Peak

Oh my!! I can't stop sneaking pictures! I am loving this!!

Sneak Peak

Lovely is giving me quite a look in this picture, as she told me that "It is NOT done yet, Mommy!"

Here is a sneak peak of our Christmas card cover Lovely is currently drawing, and eventually coloring, for us. She really amazes me!!

She has already added more animals and details since I took the picture. I can't wait to see it when she is done!!! I love my girl!

I am ok.

Thank you for your prayers, all the emails and kind comments. For now I am ok.

I am spending the week at my sister's house. My brother is in town with his family too. It has been wonderful to just relax, laugh, and have a great time with family.

Hubby is not here with us. He is back at home hopefully doing a very long list of needed things that need to get done for us (me) to feel a little safer. Things are definitely rough between us. I think he is understanding of that tension from me. I think he understands I have to micromanage for now. He doesn't seem to be in a place where he can really do it all on his own, so I will have to. I have been spending a lot of my vacation with my family texting with him, checking off important bullet points with him and making sure he gets things done that helps our financial situation. (Things that I can't do or the calls I can't make.)

Thank you for the prayers and thank you for the support. Thank you for the compassion that you have shown Hubby. We are getting a new therapist. Friday was simply terrible and not in a constructive way. The person we had was good, but it was not a good match. We are also working on getting individual therapists.

God has us. I am in a bit of a numb stage, and very sad and tired, but I know God has us. I need to try, as a dear friend suggested, to rest in God.

With that...off to bed. Much love. Thanks!

Our session yesterday.

It did not go well. It was a very hard session.

I KNOW God is with me, but I am very depressed today. The kids and Hubby are gone this morning to give me lots of Christmas prep time (I am SO behind) and it's very hard to focus.

Thanks for the prayers.

Sigh.

Feeling VERY depleted today. I pray our appointment is AMAZING today. I am very tired climbing this mountain. That includes doing MY part in improving things.

Sigh.

...at least the wine and company were great...

because even my "escape night" lead to more revelations I need to be on top of. But, I choose to believe God is taking care of me and leading me to the information, wisdom, and people He wants to help us to help ourselves with.

But even with that. I would like to raise my wine glass and sing to the tune of "Mamas, Don't Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys!"

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be financially clueless cowboys.
Don't let 'em not count every receipt pick guitars or not itemize every bill drive them old trucks.
Let them be careful and skillful doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be too traditional cowboys.
Cause if they want to stay home they need an actual home to live in they'll never stay home,
and this way they'll avoid feeling so alone they're always alone.
Even with someone they love.

Sing it with feeling!! A little sarcasm is good for the soul!

Beauty is...

...Advent.

This is our Advent Wreath this year. It is new to our family, as my childhood base is "lost" in storage. I will admit I love it.

My husband saved the day finding this wreath as a replacement. The children and I needed this wreath more than ever after the past two months. (My husband and I too, very much). I love that it is a simple, white wreath with holly carved on it, with the words Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace - the weeks of Advent!

Advent is the season of Preparation. I can't imagine one can prepare for anyone special coming without hope, love, joy, and peace. There is one act of preparation that I know can bring a person all four of those themes of Advent. That is Penance.

Beauty is...

...children humbling themselves before their Father, and each other, in mass penance.

Tonight's Advent Penance service at our church - 20 priests to hear confessions

...is a dulcimer playing as you pray and reflect silently - hearing the breezy whispers of penitence and GRACE.

...is being able to pray in the quiet corner of my simple room at home near my lit advent wreath, or in this soaring space.

Look closely at this VERY special statue of Mary

...pondering the amazing gift Mary carried in her womb. How a simple "yes" defined what IS truly beautiful. Her Hope. Her Love. Her Joy. Her Peace.

...is forgiveness.

...being saved.

...me - as God's beloved child.

...Hubby - as God's beloved child.


...Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace.

Beauty is eternal - like a never ending, circular wreath....

O come, O Come...

With Joyful (Gaudete) Sunday leading us into this week of Advent, I felt real peace focusing on family time tonight. This included fixing a simple Mexican meal to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe and the Dec 9th Feast of St. Juan Diego. The girls really loved watching a video online about both feasts, the country and culture of Mexico, and listening to one of our Glory Story cds. We also did our Advent Adventures and made our Jesse tree ornament. We did most of this in either low lighting, Advent candlelight and tree lights, or the light from our our new...

...fireplace, compliments of Netflix streaming - haha! From this position it almost seems real! It's new to our queue. It really burns about an hour, the fire devourers the wood, and crackles and pops. Another "episode" plays Christmas carols as it burns away. It is really peaceful!

It makes for a good evening to cuddle on the couch and think about my blessings rather than my stress, and capture some needed Advent moments and meditations. It is also good for our assigned "couch time".

O come, O Come...______ (fill in the blank)

Good Night!!

Blessed (and JOYFUL!) Gaudete Sunday!!

Just a quick post, as it is late - and I'm only up because we were trimming the tree we got today. I think Gaudete Sunday is a great day to get one's Christmas tree!

JOY to you reading!!! :)

Gaudete? Really?

Tonight I find myself on the eve of Gaudete Sunday. It is means Joyful Sunday.

Joy.

Really?

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling much different from yesterday - when I was filled with joy, hope, and excitement. Fridays are our new marriage therapy days (in fact, pray for us every Friday at 3pm EST please - we would grateful appreciate the prayers and strength). It was a good starting appointment (our first real one). And she mostly talked about how to renew ourselves as a couple - how to start communicating again. In the meeting - it all sounded good. We talked about starting quarterly pow wows to review how we were doing in our:

~ new goals for our marriage
~ new goals for our finances
~ updating wills
~ other estate docs
~ use this time to make sure we were carving out weekly dates each quarter.

To stay on track between these meetings, we should have 15 mins a day of kid free "couch time." Where we snuggle (without leading to anything else) and hold each other, touching hands/arms, etc. Comfort postures basically  - and while doing so talk about our day, us, goals, how we feel, what we are mad about etc and PRAY. We should also make sure weekly dates are planned. She really wants us to be kid free someplace once a week and preferably out of the house - it doesn't have to be an expensive thing...just an escape - hike, dinner, or dinner. Coffee shops work too. With all the separation and walls built up on Hubby's side in the panic he faced, and the ones I have now, coupled with the cooling that can come with a 10+ year marriage and 3 young children, she said we really need this to rebuild. She wants Hubby to start courting me again and making me feel like a wife and partner again or cherished worth.

I won't lie. I loved this idea. I already felt perked up! I keep saying how lonely I feel in all this. To know we were being assigned to date like we did when we first started dating was exciting and cheerful and hopeful  - especially with knowing we were getting started in therapy. It felt like reward in a way, and the start of a new journey toward "us." We left our session light in our steps, stopping for ice cream (on a cold day!) at a cute little parlor and we just smiled and talked, and felt "normal".

Then, this morning I woke up from a night of thinking too hard, dreaming, etc. I woke up angry that I get caught up in these happy emotions when so much still has not been done since we had to move. We still need to have another finance meeting now that just this week we got regular pay again. I’ve been asking him for the last 2 weeks to show me the credit card bills to see what was charged there – still nothing. I’ve been asking him to sit down with me to make a new budget – he made one without me I have not seen yet! My fault is that I’ll yell at him about it, and say I want to see everything tomorrow – then have a good day with the kids or something, and not ask him again – so he gets away with it. I'm not consistent. I don't want to nag and ruin my good day that is being my band aid. With all this pondering, this morning I woke up thinking I don't want to date him until the list is crossed off! I want to know whom I am dating and rely on him! I don't want to be in denial, or procrastinate!

Then...I know I’m messing up here too. I obviously love homeschooling and being home with our kids so much and make that “my job” that I too get comfortable not taking on more roles in planning our estate, etc. We make enough for me to be home for home for now – but we still need to plan for the future since we lost so much of that in our loss! I want us to be partners on that - not just me doing it, but it looks like it will be me if he unable because it needs to get done. But, I don’t want him dating me either if it means I’m just as messed up and need to be told where I’m too idealistic, or trusting or create bad habits in us as a couple. I'm also angry, prideful, and emotional.

Again, I wish these issues had come up yesterday – but they bubbled over in me overnight. I am just so angry, yet in love, and really believe in our faith and in forgiveness, but then get so angry again because I feel like I'm the only one feeling all this. When I share all the above with him he says he agrees, yet...no action. I end up staying up at night trying to answer my own questions. Men and women are so different! I do have faith that time will show improvement in us BOTH though!

Another issue popped into my head today too. My family. Oh, how this affected my family. Nothing kills me more than seeing a good man (my husband) lose the respect my siblings and parents had in him. It will make rebuilding doubly hard, because I think they can see my Hubby is a QUIET guy, and you can't tell if a fire is "lit under" him or not - so they are in constant worry for me and the kids thinking what they think. For the most part, I am very good now about telling them "we are handling it, thank you! Keep praying!" - but now, this "dating angle" we are doing?  What do I tell our family members that see us dating again, etc, when they are angry at him and blame him (I’ve told them to blame me too. Two way street – but they see how he just lied and betrayed) and they think I’m being too naïve or forgiving.

I have been told numerous time that for the sake of us improving and taking care of our kids I need to be “lighting fires under him” to do what he needs to do in this aftermath. He has no respect in our family now, and they are hurt by all this too. What do I need to do to deal with them, and our family? It hurts they can tell he is a guy with little drive too (for years they have said this, I saw him more kindly). They obviously knew he would have a hard time doing what he needs to do after this, and I believed in him the whole time. Still, I know his is good, a I just want him to be respected!! I worry the pressure of my family in "succeeding" also affected his decision making. He is a good guy that made a big mistake - but one to our immediate family. Let us deal with it. I try to be in their shoes - if this were Lovely, or Valiant, or Gift who had this done to them, or did it to their family, I know I would be so hurt for them, and have questions and assumptions but how far do I go with that for them? How does one deal with it all?

Well, I decided to do something with all the above feelings. I left Dr. S both a voicemail and sent an email - saying on both to NOT rush (it is a weekend!) but that I just had to air these feelings I had, and see if that changes her process - or if she is aware of what this will dig up and would be discussing it next session. Both calling and e-mailing made me feel SO much better. I copied Hubby to the email, and we talked about things off and on all day around the kids and shopping, etc. I also prayed about it, and took a nap, which helped.  I'm running on very little sleep these days with the little kids having sleeping issues. I'm sure everything is affecting me.

And so...my joy came back. We got lots of errands done today, and then spent the evening hosting 3 additional children over for a slumber party so their parents could go to an office party. Our 2 families attend the same church, so we will just dress them for Mass and save their parents the time. And, surprising as it sounds - knowing they are kid free and on a date and I'm at home (with Hubby being such a great teammate) with an 8 year old, 4.5 year old, two 3 year olds, an 18 month old and 15 month old all night - I am feeling so joyful! Children bring the magic of the season with them in their excitement of baking cookies....

Ha! you can tell I worked hard with the kids on the dough...har har har!

...dressing up, eating in the candlelight of the Advent wreath, reading about the Jesse tree, and...

...watching TV specials like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer together on an air mattress for their slumber party together (babies not included, bedtime for them came before the show lol!)...

...with Baby Brother # 1...

...and Baby Brother #2 (bottom right corner)...

...and happy kids snuggled in between for the movie and slumber party!

As I read this week in my Advent meditation book reflecting on John in the desert (on Mk 1:3), "The Christian life is like a desert...sometimes beautiful....sometimes severe...a mixture of sweetness and pain...a place gentle, quiet and peaceful...and sometimes difficult. It can be a life of great, great testing." Hm...sounds like my marriage! My desert today tasted of both - but there was far more promise and joy in it than wasteland.

Bring on Gaudete Sunday!


Really.

Our First Liturgical/ Seasonal Tea!!!!!

Madeline and Kate's hard work in their gorgeous home!!!

 
Yesterday we were able to celebrate Advent and the Feast of St. Nicholas with a very special Advent Tea, hosted by Madeline Wicker and Kate Wicker - dear friends of Lovely and I (and same with our other children - I can see our sons one day tackling each other becoming little men). It was a truly memorable and beautiful day.

Isn't Kate the CUTEST??!! Look out Hallie!

Not only did Madeline and her mother feed our bodies with the most delicious, fun, and meaningful foods - they most importantly fed our spirits. I wonder if either of them (and their WONDERFUL friends who joined us all) knew how much they fed this one mother's weary soul? I know Lovely and Valiant's hearts were fuller than their stomachs ever felt. I know they were touched too - by a house full of the sweetest girls and mothers, and the rich traditions of our faith!

Hostess Maddie with Lovely

It was a day that brought out the 'girly girl' in all of us - the one who longs to dress in pretty things, touch pretty things, eat dainty things, and feel grownup without all the stress that comes with growing up. Even the most tomboy of girls feels the way the Spirit makes her - and it is just a beautiful thing to cherish in the moment. I totally enjoyed walking into their home and feeling whisked away. I think this is what tea times are about - savoring the time God has given us, and restoring ourselves with enough Spirit to carry on until the next tea time. Why do I not do this enough with my children? That will change!

Concert time! How I WISH I had taken Maddie's picture - she played!

When we arrived, the group of girls pictured above (both pictures) started with an Advent story. Then, Maddie played her first sheet music (read!) piece - Jingle Bells (how did I not get a picture?! Sorry sweetie!). We then blessed our abundant table with prayer and served our plates with the bounty of love the Wickers made for us all and I could not believe how our sweet girls enjoyed the beauty around them (and inside them!) in the sweet moments that followed. Such gentleness! Such manners!

I was so proud of Lovely - this was a big deal for her!

Little Gift crashed the girly tea :)

Valiant and her friend C. with Little Gift at their table :)

Even the smallest girls had their own table (and high chair!). Gift was the only boy on two legs at the party and he had to learn how to be a gentleman. He could not quite figure out why he did not have C's seat. He kept trying to oust her - Sorry sweet C! Every time I went to take pictures, he was trying to foreclose move in on her space (har har!).

Kate and Maddie asking their guests to share Advent traditions

Kate and Maddie were fabulous hosts. They led a discussion about Advent, and the girls' favorite family and liturgical traditions for Advent. It was so neat to hear how all these families made this time of preparation special. Lovely mentioned how we do the Jesse Tree (thanks to Holy Heroes Advent Adventures), fill the manger with yarn to sacrifice to do good deeds for Jesus, and light the Advent Wreath and sing around it. I have to admit, I think this Advent Tea may have to become a tradition too...

After our FABULOUS tea - the girls retired to the library to make crafts - ornaments of the Baby Jesus in the manger.  What a cute idea!

The finished ornaments.

Afterwards, the girls enjoyed time with each other, and MY girls enjoyed loving on Baby Thomas Wicker - so much so, that I had numerous requests on our ride home for a fourth baby who MUST be a boy...and HIS name will be Thomas (according to Valiant). Just look at how much they LOVED this precious boy:

Thomas is SMILING at Valiant!!! Oh, she LOVED Thomas!

Lovely too! She wanted to hold him so much...

He's smiling for ME here...

After the tea was over (which, before everyone left, I had the pleasure of meeting the mothers of these incredible girls we spent the morning with, and they were so nice - my soul kept feeling lighter and lighter - one sweet mother had stayed the whole party like me, "W" was her name, and she was such a sweetheart). I was so happy for Kate to have these lovely women to inspire her. It made our community's loss at her move a little sweeter to take - hehe. I was told once that 'a place should bless you, and you bless the place' and the Wicker's have blessed, and I know are being blessed too!

When everyone left, I had the pleasure of being invited to stay a little longer (oh how that can be redefined by children - especially 7 young children of similar ages and no older helpers between Kate and I - which just made me love the chaos God has blessed us both with and LONG for a nap at the same time). But, it was so wonderful sharing time and souls for a little bit before returning back to my reality.

I love this picture of us, taken by Maddie, as it shows what it is like for two moms of many (plus SWEET dog) to try and get a 'mommy friend moment' with little feet around! Hehe!

 

Before we left the driveway for home - the girls had a blast running around the yard, getting in lots of hugs, chases, and love before buckling in the car. Rachel, Maddie, and Lovely were having such fun together, and Valiant and M.E. had become little twins stuck at the hip all day. Look at these shining faces and tight embraces:

Isn't God just SO GOOD??! WOW!

Sigh. I did NOT want to leave for home. But I felt so light on my feet and in my heart from a day that did more to refill the well of my soul, that has been thirsting for Advent, than the past few days of prayer and preparation. I genuinely smiled, felt SO happy watching all these girls, and felt the riches of the season. I was reminded today it isn't always the traditions that bring us closer to God, or the motions, when one is feeling like grace is the only thing making her smile and get through the day - it is being together, a community of saints (little saints!) and believers that shouts to us that God is WITH us. Thank you sweet girls, and Wickers, for reminding me of this.

My life and soul are feeling a lot like a feed box of late. Worn. Lonely. Cold. Scratchy. POOR. But, yesterday reminded me what can possibly come from something so lowly. God wants to turn my meager manger of a soul into a vessel for his Son! WHAT? He thinks these current crosses of mine are that glorious? How? I can't quite grasp it, but yesterday I FELT it. Like Mary, I said "yes" to what can be if I just trust. I hope I can remember to say "yes" each day. I know I will fall some days and just want to scream "no" so PLEASE pray for me to remember to hold on and just be open to becoming more.

It is definitely something that a cup of tea can renew and remind me of.

Eucharisto.


Thank you SO MUCH Kate. I love you and your family and friends. Thank you for sharing your (gorgeous!!) home for an incredible day!!  Blessings!!!

*Update: See Kate's post for more pictures and memories of the day!!

Feast of St. Nicholas!!!

Saint Nicholas: Patron Saint of Children, Sailors, and the Innocent

He Came! He Came!

** For this special day, we celebrated early with our dear friends, The Wicker's, at their home. A post and pictures of our special St. Nicholas/Advent Tea can be found here.**

While, usually in our house St. Nick brings a chocolate image of himself (a foiled covered Santa Clause that I convert into a St. Nick) and a candy cane - this year with all the lack of prep time, St. Nick saw fit to give the girls two quarters each  - which fits his story well! The girls were grateful!

The above image came from a prayer card given all the girls at our Advent Tea yesterday at the home of our dear friends, The Wicker's . The back holds this sweet prayer:

Loving God,

    Thank you for St. Nicholas who shows us a good way to live.

    He fed the hungry,

    freed the imprisoned,

   cared for those in need,

   and told people about Jesus.

Make us brave, loving, and strong, so that, like St. Nicholas,

   we may love and serve you

   as we help those in need,

   through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

AMEN. Much love!!

2nd Week of Advent

 

We finally have our (new) advent wreath up and running. My childhood one is packed in storage, but this one was a lovely wreath found by Hubby (he scored some great points!) as it has delicate features, and the words Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love carved by each candle. As a replacement/'stand in' wreath - it is VERY special. I think it is the perfect focal point not only during this Advent season, but THIS season of my life - our lives.

We said a family blessing for the wreath, and sang two verses of "O Come, O Come Emmanuel."

Now, if this doesn't remind you what is REALLY important, what makes a home, and one DOES have blessings from above - than what possibly can as a parent?

 

We wish you another blessed week of preparation!! God Bless!!!