Checking in, thanks to insomnia...

Tonight I went to bed at 8:30pm. I then got a massive sinus headache, and tossed and turned for a few hours. I read blogs for the FIRST time in months. Then, I finally gave up, gotten out of bed, and I've come blurry eyed to my blog to check in.

So...pull up a cup of tea perhaps?

Picture from right after I got home from work. One of my "new" thrift store china cups.

Face it, tea or coffee or hot cocoa just taste better in some sort of delicate china! Right? You know it.

First - Happy Advent to you!!!! 

Next...STOP reading. Go RIGHT now to the comment section. UPDATE ME PLEASE on yourselves. Are you still there? Am I still on a blog roll? I will be honest, I have not read any blogs since July until a quick skim tonight. My last post was in September. Who is pregnant? Who had a baby? Who faced a crisis I didn't pray for you through? Who has celebrations? Connect with me over that tea.

Ok, now that you've done that....what have I been doing?

1. I have been teaching middle school. I will start with the fact that I love it. I will add that I also struggle with it. 
2. Middle school is a much better fit for me than high school - at least with the time I have with my family to devote to the vocation that it is. The school is a fabulous fit for me. My classes are TINY, the school is TINY, and for a girl who thrives on personal connection with the people around her to a FAULT, God has me in the right place. God is good ALL the time.
3. I'm inspired by the school and my students. I want to do an amazing job for them.
4. I'm amazed this school was started by 2 moms with no experience in schooling aside from homeschooling a little when their county let them down in public school.
5. It's a privilege to work there. I'm very much a 1st year teacher again, making mistakes, feeling pressure to be better...but it is not the same stress of perfectionism I had at my high school post. I struggle with feeling like I'm not the person they interviewed. Being a 1st year teaching again at the middle school level and its learning curve has thrown me. 
6. I miss that I'm not at a Catholic school.
7. I'm grateful for a school of REALLY good and moral people. We're diverse, but the same in many ways. It's a safe place for my kids to be, and we just carry Jesus every where we go ourselves.
8. I am so grateful to sleep at night again with the peace of bringing in some extra income/savings.
9. I'm still not sleeping enough because of lesson planning, ha! But, the quality of sleep is better than the quantity I had before in naps and sleep before with my anxiety and depression.
10. That said, I've shed many a tear this semester - at school, and at home over teaching. It's been better since September/October.
11. This school, if we have to attend school and me work to help our family, is a great match for Lovely so far in 4th grade, and the school next door is FANTASTIC for the younger kids. A blessing!
12. I miss homeschooling.
13. I detest homework. 
14. Hubby misses homeschooling.
15. But, I'm not a depressed mom, only doing the basics outside of co-op on our school days. So...my kids are getting a better education currently. 3rd grade for Lovely was ROUGH. 
16. I'm still battling depression and anxiety. 
17. I have yo-yo-ed in my weight loss. Recently I've gained back to where I was when I started. Awesome. It sucks. But, I'm getting back on track this week.
18. I'm working on getting the right dosage AND the right therapy for me. Still, I'm really tired of the duality I live - when with loved ones or friends - I am happy. When not distracted - I'm anxious, down, and get tempted to think "When we move, I'll be better. Next weekend I'll be a better mom. Next summer will be better. I'll do more faith traditions and crafts next year/feast/season." Damn it....why am I living in the future? God has been so faithful. We all are HEALTHY. My children are HEALTHY. We're stable. When I catch myself procrastinating motherhood, wifehood, bedtime stories, bedtime prayers, family nights, feast days etc, I want to slap my cheek and say "When one of the kids gets very sick, or Hubby, and you are constantly 24/7 in caretaking mode, you will rue the day you took the present for granted." It works for a little while...till I slide. My battles rise and fall with my cycle for sure. It's a balance to take the right herbs or vitamins at the right time, or the right medication for my hormones. But...we're getting there. I'm learning to "turn the other cheek" on myself and be more forgiving instead of slapping myself. It's a process, when I feel the last 2 years has been a fog and I wonder what price my family is paying. 
19. One of the best cures for me, is cleaning my condo. When it is clean, I am sane. It got bad the 12 weeks of school before break. But, last week provided some major purging time. AMEN!! I LOVE Pinterest, and I feel intimidated and weighed down by Pinterest too. Then, I remember I'm the one who lets it inspire or drown me. So, I choose to mostly succeed at letting it inspire. 
20. I miss running. I'm good if I get out 2-3 times a week. Working on more. I did a 5k race a few weeks back - and I ran it in 38 mins! Not too shabby for poor training! Lovely needs more running too.
21. I have started weekly Adoration. In the last few weeks when I go on Tuesday evenings, it is a powerful balm for my soul. I've been going for a month or more, and everything is better with work, marriage, my struggles, etc. That's no coincidence. I know Jesus is everywhere, and I breathe my conversations to him 18 hours a day it feels like, but the opportunity of Adoration? Physically centered on Him? Powerful. 
22. The kids are thriving. Lovely will mention she misses homeschooling because it is harder, but doesn't want to leave her school. It's been great for her confidence and social skills. Gift and Valiant are vibrant and amazing. Like I said...God has us where He wants us for now. The peace I have from that clarity is priceless and about the only peace I have these days aside from a nice break from financial strains.
23. I miss our church co-op and friends. I need a night out with them soon. 
24. Working has sadly limited us from seeing our extended family more, but there is an odd peace that comes with that. Still some stress - but, we'll take the bigger gaps in between drama. If I think too much, I get sad because I think for one member of my family, they see the school Lovely and I attend and work in as a step up from homeschooling, and a status symbol with its zipcode. But, one can't dwell on that.
25. My father turned 90 in October. My mother is almost 77. I try to savor how healthy and active they are, and how much they love their grandchildren and still offer sleep overs, carpools, and come to any event at either school. How many parents do that for their family? I am so blessed. 
26. My marriage is always strengthening. Some days there are steps back, but we make a few forward as well. The Holy Spirit provides the nourishing air we need, God provides direction, and Jesus exemplifies the sacrifice and redemption that comes with sticking to our vows. I'm so grateful for where we are. 
27. I am thankful for my "Christ Renews His Parish" woman's group. It is a blessing to my week with its weekly meetings, scripture, and prayer. 
28. Since I last posted, Lovely turned 10 (WHAT??!), my father turned 90 (see #25), we had family pictures done (not posted yet lol - and I'm sad to say it took so long to get pic done, because I had made them a weight loss goal. A goal never met - but I could not keep putting off pictures!), gone used van shopping (nothing purchased yet), and wore PJs through the whole of Thanksgiving break. We've done hiking, we've gone to museums, we are blessed to be together.
29. No new baby yet. Praying, always praying....but...that leads me to #30...
30. Did you update me about your life in the comments? Yes, you. Any new babies? Successes? Stumbles? How is homeschooling going? How is school going? 

Ok...I should try to sleep. I'm hoping to do some Advent season posts in the future. Maybe I'll start blogging again in list form? I stopped blogging because I felt like I was being too honest here (so it was depressing and narcissistic) AND that it started to feel like a burden. Writing should be freeing. But, I miss my diary...our daily family record. I hope to get back to being here again. Maybe I'll do some memes and meet some new readers? Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. DAMN...enough with the chocolates. That's my problem....unhealthy food focus...BAHAHAH!

God Bless!!  

P.S. Everyone has been posting about Advent traditions. Here is one of mine - embracing the liturgical color of the season. Totally appropriate, right? I did this Saturday, for the 1st Sunday of Advent - HOPE!

And as always...the statue I love, every Advent in our sanctuary on the altar....

How laughter is my best medicine...

How God has blessed me with this spouse....

Hubby and I before a wedding last week.

 And together this family blesses me daily....

Thanksgiving Day - before dinner with the whole family.

Happy Advent!!!!

Hiking from Woods on a Fall-ish Evening

Tonight, at the end of a VERY long week (have I blogged yet I returned to teaching professionally full-time outside the home?), I went for a needed hike.

Or, perhaps, I just started my week with an incredible hike. 

Life is totally based on perception, isn't it? Sometimes it's the little things that add up to revealing beauty, or back breaking stress. A little goes a long way.

I needed this hike. I needed to just get out and be alone a while and refill my soul-lar batteries. The 16th of September is rapidly approaching, and that day is a personal and private anniversary for me. While the period of time and the subject it marks is personal, its effects are not. It is one of those defining days in life - much like a birth is a new promise for parent and child, or a wedding day is full of promise, sealed with vows. Anniversaries are a day to reflect. They are a decision too. Do you decide to choose love and commitment for another year? Do you celebrate the life you have? Do you mourn where you are on that particular remembrance, or do you recommit to the what the anniversary marks despite how the day finds you? Life, so often, is a decision on how it is lived despite our current circumstances living it. 

As I climbed from the woods to the mountain side, the trail opened up. The path became unclear, and I had to put one foot in front of the other to push onward. I had so many directions in which to head!

But, oh the view! The journey upwards is challenging, yet when I can let myself look around, fighting gravity's temptation to fall backwards, it is so glorious!

I could not escape the beauty of the Yellow Daisies all around me. Stone Mountain's species of yellow daisy is pretty amazing. They grow on the mountain side, and only have a season of about a month. Thirty days of living out their purpose before they are gone. I saw many daisies already aging and fading, yet, they still glowed in the sun's light. They were weather worn, solar bleached, and were still radiant and graceful. It also impressed me how they bloomed where they were planted. They grew despite the granite rock their seeds landed upon. 

  

It looked lonely. Yet, there was a rustic beauty and bravery to these particular plants. They stood tall despite their surroundings, despite the rocks or deep cracks. They inspired me with a glimpse of brightness along my trek, while seemingly so alone in their micro-oasis. Yet, were they really alone? Not at all. They stood tall in the Light, reaching for the Sun, turning their faces to the nourishing rays. If you pulled back on the viewfinder in my camera lens, then you would find something more:

Community. They were a part of a community. A group who were setting their roots deep despite their own rocks, pebbles, gravel, and grit in the way. 

We all have our own story. We all have grit and granite in our lives. Everyone we meet is struggling to put down roots, to have purpose, and commit to something each moment. This world is FULL of struggle, but when you stand back and watch the communal spirit - it becomes living art to inspire us onward. 

 

So, as my quiet, personal, anniversary comes and goes, I wanted to thank "you" for being a part of my mountain side biome. We all may be weathered and bleached at times, but we live the life of Ecclesiastes 3, which means we also have a season to shine on that same mountain side. We'll be exposed to all types of anniversaries, and we get to choose how to live them. Thank you for being there, even when I mess up, overreact, or overcompensate. Forgive me if I forget you have a story too. It's no accident we are living together in THIS life, at THIS time. It is to be the hands and feet of Christ to each other.

As the sun started to set, I needed to get back down the trail. At one point, I was at a loss for where to go, since I was on the granite face with many directions to choose from. I am NO Moses, and this was not Mt. Sinai. I was not expecting a burning bush or loud event to show me the path I needed to take. Yet, why doesn't God do those big acts anymore? Where is the pillar of fire, the burning bush, the wrestling angel, the lighting strikes, cures or mass miracles? Then a thought hit me.

It is because we are too loud. We are too busy, too plugged in, too informed. So, sometimes He comes in the quiet and the small, waiting for us to hear or see Him. Then He waits for us to follow. 

Sometimes His "signs" are nothing more than a brief mark on the path. Can you find it? 

Psalm 119: 105

And, that mark leads us to more.

In the small, He leads us to safety as the night falls....

...and I feel renewed to mark the passing of another anniversay, wait on my God, and love those around me. I feel like a 2 Corinthians 12:9 gal most days, so hopefully I'm contributing to God getting mighty powerful for us all, haha. But, I know I'm called to be a Romans 12:12 warrior, and thanks to "you", I can be that most days, and know on the days I am weak - God is still strong, especially through "you." 

Ain't life grand? 

Much love, and many thanks. Goodnight!

Blessed Candlemas and Feast of the Presentation of our Lord!

So today is the feast of the Presentation of our Lord, also known as Candlemas for the purification of Mary. Yesterday, the co-op class I'm helping organize and lead with the other moms of preK through 1st grade children put on a liturgical feast based on Luke 2: 22-35.

Jesus Presented in the Temple

²² When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord ^{23 2}as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”, ²⁴ and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”

dove shaped peanut butter sandwiches, candle shaped treats (Candlemas), crepes (like a bundled baby), fruit, and white hot chocolate (white for Mary). Kids also folded napkins into a candle shape for today (Candlemas).

²⁵ Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. ²⁶ It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah.²⁷ Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, ²⁸ Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

²⁹ “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
    you may now dismiss^[c] your servant in peace.
³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation,
³¹     which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
    and the glory of your people Israel.”

³³ The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, ³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

Swords piercing cheese, for Luke 2:35

New International Version (NIV)

I am LOVING this Liturgical Teas and Feast class. I have always wanted to make it a better habit to celebrate the feast days and this class has helped me be more responsible about it. When we last me, we celebrated the Feast of Our Lady of Altagracia. As a class, we work on table setting, table manners, and serving each other. This week the children also made their own sandwiches, cut out the dove shapes, made the candle treats, set the table, folded the napkins this way: Folded Candles. Happy Feast Day! This is a great weekend for bringing faith to life! Yesterday was the Feast of St. Brigid of Ireland (Irish foods!), today is Candlemas/Presentation, and tomorrow is the Feast of St. Blaize - and a good time to be blessed for health - especially if you suffer from colds, sore throats, and other throat ailments! Blessings to you!!!

Comfort and Joy

                               

                                                                  Sometimes...it's the little things that bring added comfort and joy.

The treasured doesn't seem so far away after all...

                     ...and they shine just a bit brighter...

                                                                                                                   ...and glows from the inside out.


                                                            Comfort and Joy. I'll take it!

Summer 2012

 Where we have been when we have not been blogging...

  

Drinking with one of my bestie's via FB miles apart! 

I am SO in trouble.....wow....

LegoLand!

You can do time out ANYWHERE!!!

Sister Love at LegoLand

Date Night!