I need...

a vacation on a deserted island. Just me for a few days with some rum.  Then, my family will be allowed to join me for a few weeks. Then, the kids can go stay with family members, and Hubby and I can just have needed couple time. Then he can head back to work, and I might just stay on my island...I need some retreat time. Prayer time. And more rum....

More on my "Lost" Pride.

So, I posted the other day on being sad about my lost pride.

In talking about this, a point was brought up that I probably felt a loss of pride in my husband because others had (my immediate family). This was an excellent point that I could understand this person saw - but it was a rare moment of being wrong for them (*wink!*). It made me realize I had more to blog about to help myself, and others (including my husband who reads this blog and gives me his blessing on each post) understand my battle to be proud of him again.

While it is true I have some very strong extended family influences who don't like my husband currently for what he "did" to us - those influences have ALWAYS felt that way since we were married about 2 years. These family members loved him while we dated, and in the newly wedded stage. But, things started to go downhill after a couple of years of marriage. Some of my family didn't respect him because he didn't seem to be able to want or could provide a life of luxury in the corporate world (this was a joint decision on our parts!). I spent 8 years defending him at family gatherings or private discussions. In those 8 years, their words never had me feel any lack of pride in him, or our choices and goals for our family - be ever so modest as they are. In fact, lately I have spent ALL of the time defending him and the decision to stay married to him to them since the fallout in September. If I have a grievance with him, I don't tell the family members I can't trust or are too close to us to stay level headed. It just is not wise (is it ever?). So, I save it for the family members who can handle it, or our dearest friends.

About our dearest friends  - my husband has not lost any respect with them. I can't tell you the blessing of having so many people stand with him when it all came out. Certain family members made it real clear that  "MY" friends were the ones who came to pack us, shelter us, feed us, and move us. In reality - it was mostly OUR friends and his friends. Our male friends reached out to me to give a male perspective on how this could have happened so I would understand better and perhaps forgive him faster. The men in our lives "got it" - got how this could happen, while many of the females in our lives were left utterly confused and angry. No one excused my husband for it - but they understood how he dropped the ball and hid all his juggling. These people  - our friends, church and community, have never stopped caring or see him as less of a man. They are still proud of him. They are proud we are fighting for marriage. He is highly respected at work. He is an AMAZING hands on dad.

What I was trying to blog about in that post, was the fact that I'm struggling with feeling that romantic pride most wives feel. In some regards we are NOW dedicated, married roommates - trying to find each other attractive and flirty and all that stuff AGAIN. As we struggle (and this is a two was street, I'm sure my lack of pride translates to him and isn't a big turn on in the "dating department") I find myself seeing other people's marriages as pedestal worthy (when, I'm sure that I'm over romanticizing them..lol) and start to covet the actions I see sweet husbands doing for their wives - or how proud the women are around their husbands - witty/sweet banter, PDA, glances, etc. We ARE dating. We had never dated well once the kids were born so we are now making this our first priority -  getting out often for couple time. But we find ourselves very quiet while eating dinner, etc. I will say, this is when dialoguing (the technique from Retrouvaille) comes in REALLY handy, since it opens the door to communicating. I just covet the seemingly effortless marital dynamics from other couples. They just seem to have solid pride in each other....and I feel we (I) lack that. That was what I was trying to say in my last post. No one is coloring my view of Hubby - I just don't know how to word it. Maybe pride is the wrong word?

Maybe I just miss being a uncomplicated newlywed? And since this really broke us open, I miss how easy it is to just fall into his arms? Maybe he's still feeling shame and has a hard time opening his arms to me? Maybe it is less about pride and more about being able to trust?

I hope this clarified...I'm sorry I confused people with that post. It's hard to word complicated and FOREIGN feelings.

Much love, and thanks for the comments and prayers. I'm incredibly blessed - not just being married to a GOOD man, but being supported by an amazing body of Christ out there!

And...to you reading...thanks for loving and being proud of my husband. That carries him, and me. What a delight and a saving grace. THANK YOU!!!

I am better already.

It's amazing...

...how really worshiping in Mass helped my soul restart the journey 'to better' today.

... how writing is a release.

...how writing a letter of gratitude instead of dry humor can clear a foggy mirror.

...how fitting into an outfit for Mass I previously could not made me feel good!

...how flying kites with my family today fed my soul, and the wind helped blow away many of the cobwebs I had inside of it!

...how a four hour (!!!) nap does WONDERS for reclaiming one's emotional compass.

...how having a God given gift take you out for a surprise mani/pedi boosts your self-worth.

...how having your best friends drop everything and pray for you for over 24 hours. Wow. Wow...

...how big you smile you receive a very belated birthday gift that is just hysterically perfect, and came on the perfect day.

...how God's timing is always perfect (why don't I remember that??). Especially in the above happening this weekend.

What's amazing in your life?

Let's go fly a kite!

My surprise mani (pedi pics to come lol)!

Are these glasses not a RIOT??!! Mason Jar wine glasses!

CHEERS with my fancy mani/pedi and wine glasses! Bottoms up!

Thank YOU for your prayers and your patience, and encouragement. Thank you!

Sarcasm

Just a warning - this post may not make sense. I'm just writing to process about something I don't want to be too public about. In essence, it is about the price of sarcasm. When I'm stressed, I jest. It's a coping mechanism. And honestly, it works for me - if you can laugh about a situation, all of the sudden it is not overwhelming anymore. The load is a little lighter.

If you've been reading since Easter, I'm in one of the more stressful spirals again. Things were really "up" since Retrouvaille started in late January. But, since Easter, I'm obviously in a bit of a funk (yes, I'm getting help for that too). I'm trying to use humor and sarcasm to deal with:

A) The HEALING of my marriage.
B) The now current lack of job promotion directions for Hubby.
C) Discernment on moving to someplace in our area versus out of state.
D) Some interesting new neighbors.
E) Who I can talk to about all this, without tiring them out or pushing them away.

Tonight - my sarcasm and coping went awry. I'm not really sure what happened - it happened so fast. But I think I ended up hurting someone else rather than helping myself. And, what is heavy on my heart tonight is I think I've been doing it for months without realizing it. And, now that I do know - I am not in a good place tonight. I feel terrible, and I pray for forgiveness, but I'm afraid to bring it up since (if this makes ANY sense) I think I'm hurting more than the other party is by my actions. What was pointed out was done calmly and probably with little dramatic thought. So, I'm not really wanting to put more focus on it. So, I'm choosing to process some here, and then letting it pass. The bottom line is that it was all meant WELL I believe. In fact, it was a courageous move by one person to protect another from stress. I wish more people were like that in taking care of each other. I found myself, with all the emotions I felt in the moment, a bit jealous of that protection.

I also found myself feeling as much hurt as I felt apologetic for my 'not thinking' for months. I also am feeling confused. Confused in how I should live my life during this test of character and faith. I'm trying to figure out how to deal, how to be authentic, real, and honest when so often I want to build a wall of cheer and faith. Yet...that honesty can be too much for people (perhaps this is why I use humor or sarcasm to smooth things over?). One of my biggest fears is driving loved ones away. While I know I did not do that tonight (what a blessing!!), the method and words chosen to translate their feelings to me stung. I was shocked as much as saddened. I felt guilty for my hot tears of anger as well as my hot tears of shame. In their action to end stress, I got VERY stressed (ironic). It all seemed unfair....here I'm in the most stressful time of my life in the months following September 2011 and I'm told (gently!) that I need to not cause stress! Ouch!! Humbling. But, don't we all need to be humbled?

All of this CAN be a fantastic lesson in the making in that I can make myself more aware of the need to watch what I say, listen more than talk, and work on turning to God more than turning to people. I can't keep leaning on others too much or I could just break them. The only One who can really handle my pain (next to a professional, ha!) is God. I HAVE to remember that. I also need to remember that while I can't help my feelings, I can help my reaction. I can choose to process this learning experience, and then let it go. I am bad about the letting go part - but I am hoping to use this experience to work on improving in that area. I also need to choose to accept the fact that most likely, they have not thought about this for hours like I have, as SURPRISE (sarcasm!), the world just isn't all about me! I think God also wants me to see what amazing, AMAZING, people He has put in my family's life that feel safe enough to be honest towards me, as well as love me. It sometimes feels like a delicate dance, but the dance is a gift. I just have to keep practicing to get my moves right.

Seriously...you know what was the biggest joke tonight? In clicking into Blogger to make this post - I found they changed EVERYTHING. I have no idea if I'm even posting this correctly. The one post where I come to process a joke gone wrong...and I find the joke's on me! Har Har Har.

Did I mention the title of this post is called "Sarcasm"? Cause I could barely find where the title entry bar was. Niiiiiiiiicccceee. Any delusions I had about becoming a published writer one day just went out the window with my technical skills. I need to put the potted plant back in the space on my mantle I emptied for my Pulitzer. Wait, I don't have a mantle anymore because.................  .

Yes, this post isn't sarcastic at all. *Wink*.

Bragging

This should really go on my homeschooling blog (see link on sidebar), but I just felt like bragging.

I just picked up Lovely from art class, and look at what she created this week, and last week. It is a mother mermaid, nursing her baby while her daughter looks on.

I swear, it just flows and has life! I adore it. What a treasure. I teared up. The nursing is just so tender! And I love how the mother and daughter's "eyes" meet...or seem to!

Sorry...I just had to brag!!! :) Much love!!!

Pride

I am SO thankful for Retrouvaille. It really helped to recover our marriage (Like they say, we'll always be in recovery with our marriage) since everything came out to me in September. We have such great tools to rebuild, rediscover, and strengthen our marriage.

But, I'm still missing something. I'm missing pride. I see my friends walking around with such pride of their husbands. I sit at church and judge that so many of the women in my parish have secure and wonderful husbands. I say "judge" because that is a perceived judgement - not a fact! But, it is is interesting how many temptations arise (temptation to leave, separate, or even divorce so you can find someone to be "romantic" with again) when you don't feel proud of your spouse. I realize pretty fast that I have MY work cut out for me so I don't spend my time coveting other people's marriages. This lack of pride in my husband can get dangerous pretty fast if I don't work (and do the work) at rebuilding us, trusting him, and let him know I am proud of him. Men, especially men who are the main providers, need to know we are proud of them. It matches the woman's typical need for security. So, I know my lack of pride in my husband translates to him. I try to be honest and dialogue with him on my feelings. Visa versa. But still, I long for feeling proud of my husband again.

I know pride can quickly become a bad thing or sinful. But, I must admit, I miss being proud of my husband. I miss being proud of our marriage. But - I am proud of the hard work we are doing. I know marital pride will come again. We can do this, and much of the work falls on me - not just my teammate for life.

I should add...

because it was not clear enough:

A) Thank you for so many of the private emails checking on me. I appreciate it so much! Thank you all for the comments too!

B) I definitely am battling moderate/situational depression. I forgot to be more clear on a blog, when people who see me daily already know these things. I'm on medication, and getting therapy. I'm really only down when IN our current residence. When I am out and about, I am free and happy. I'm hoping a better residence can become "home" and I'll be less depressed - but I have no idea. So, I have to do the work too, to overcome it.  But of course I've been depressed since September. I also have battled PPD too. When at home, I'm weighed down, and battle those hopeless feelings. That's why getting out is so important. But I wanted to share just how weighed down I feel when at home and why naps can tempt me as an escape.

C)  I just want to post the good, the bad, and the ugly of this journey - especially if it helps anyone else. So often, we only blog the good in our lives - and I want to document all I am feeling and dealing with as I process this huge life change. I'm sorry for not being more clear....but I'm ever so glad at the comments and personal emails of concern. I feel so much less alone!!! I love you dear friends.

D) A few people worried about me feeling judged by them sharing their concern for me. I'm touched!! NO judgement felt! Please post things below - especially when they can help others! Rebuilding a family, finances, and a marriage is overwhelming. I need my village, and I hope I can create a village too. I moderate all comments, so if I am wary of a comment you want to post, I won't post it. I just want this blog to be a place I can really process, and perhaps, help another reader if they need it. I've gotten so many wonderful perspectives privately today. I thank you all!

Thanks for letting me honest, and thanks for also caring about me beyond this blog page. I have so much to pay forward.

Much appreciation, love, and prayers.

Two really sweet people fell in love...

...sweet, but with little street smarts and loved living under their little rock.

That's how I feel about Hubby and I. We are both really sweet people (I judge, lol) who together have created a really sweet family. We came from broken pasts and small self-confidences and together felt we could heal and create something wonderful.

Blessedly, we are still healing and creating something - something wonderful. It's just feels that lately it is the blind leading the blind. Two really sweet, but blind people. Luckily, blind can mean we trust what we can't see - that means we have a strong faith. I have never doubted God loves, and has, we two very sweet people in His hands. It's just meeting Him halfway in the world these past few years is what I feel we haven't done very well on. I feel we have spiritual smarts, but not street smarts. Apparently, we prefer rocks to paved streets.

I mean, I know what plans we did have in place, I know what we did. I know we lived with purpose an vision. I'm a little lost on how I missed things were not being done as I could see - and that personal blame is hard is move past. And, since I still feel lost since the fallout back in September - I guess I feel stuck. In making new game plans, rescue plans, survival plans I realize how "behind the times" I am.

I am also ashamed to say I miss my little rock I lived under. I miss feeling secure, only focused on home schooling, playing in the backyard, playdates, and co-op. I miss not feeling weighed down, being happy, feeling lighthearted. I miss seeing unicorns and sunbeams praying as I breathe in thanksgiving, and feeling connected to God in my "happy way". Life has become such an effort from the moment I wake. I nap a lot now. I'm sleeping much of the time I'm not solely responsible for the kids. I don't think I've admitted that out loud to any friends. I obviously can still feel joy, laugh and function - so I don't think I'm in some deep dark depression. But, I certainly find myself not pushing myself to do more than basic house work (and before all this, being a neat freak was my life), good home schooling, and sleeping. I'm so behind on laundry! What's exercise outside of family hikes and perhaps a little Zumba on the Wii once a full moon?  I've even gotten lax on tracking what I eat on Weight Watchers. I'm down 15 lbs, but my progress has slowed down.

I feel so comfortable in bed. I feel safe, warm, and oh! I can escape. I can read in bed, or just escape in my dreams. Waking stinks. The knowledge that I'm sleeping away my son's toddler hood instead of playing with him more often than I do makes me more sad. Thank God for home schooling, or my interaction would be far more limited with my 8 year old. I'm so thankful for the extra attention my 3 year old gets at preschool. It's quite sobering. I'm just used to our old life - constant energy, constant joy, constant exploration of our God given world. Somehow, a comfy warm bed has become my fortress.

I also feel trapped by where we live. I have written much about the blessing of the condo we were able to move into. Fall was nice here; winter long. Then spring came, and while that should refresh me with the beauty of the weather (and our lovely back porch) - it hasn't. Apparently, during the cold months, some interesting new neighbors moved in, and now the warm weather is bringing out some interesting people I have noticed - not the kids (the kids are never outside). I'm getting the itch to move. Yet, moving is expensive, and we were hoping this place would be our transition home to a move to a new city for a fresh start. It is looking like God has plans to keep us here in our current location instead. I am hoping to buy us some more time here by adding some protection to our home while we save money for a move and a place that may require 1st month/last month rent and security deposits. Luckily, we know all our immediate neighbors, and they are kind people. Recently, we worked together on some "community watch" issues, and that was good. Still, I know we need to move.

I've been looking at local homes for rent, and they are just more pricey in our area than places we had looked to move away to. So, we could be looking at apartment living. Or...another place I have a lead on. We're going Thursday to look at a home we could "house sit" for up to a year for a family. It would be a furnished home that we would care take for an amount we could afford to pay. I just need to see what they pay in utilities. I like the option of a year lease in a home like this because we could keep our items stored and ready for a move if a job came up Hubby wanted. I could easily stay behind with the kids to honor this lease, and we could move slowly and save moving costs. Sadly, if we accept a possible offer to take this house - we could not move in till August. So, that leaves me putting up with the neighborhood till then. I pray I can do that. I'd appreciate prayers in that regard.

I will say the house/apartment searching have cheered me a little. I guess I feel like I have more control in the choosing where we go, and that feels more like "home" than how we came to be in our current place. And, I feel so terrible saying that - because this place has been a BLESSING. How everything fit, how it was readily available to house us, etc. How selfish am I for feeling this way? God had a plan for us to be here....and I allow it to depress me? Ugh. I think about how worse things could be for us....sick children, a sick husband, cancer, infections, hospital stays - and I realize just how good I have it. I would take this cross over any other. One of my dear friends reminds me constantly that this "is a season" and it will pass. Yet...I want to nap the struggle away? I want to sleep the joy away? I need to slap myself and grab the reins of life again and find the joy, even if I don't "feel" the happiness. I think about my neighbors and how they don't have the choice to move; that this was their daily life before we ever moved here. This is a lesson in solidarity with my fellow human.  The people around us are all God's children. I need to be as respectful as I am cautious.

So, please keep praying for us. Pray for us naive, sweet people. Pray we find the course and plan for it well. Pray we strongly grasp the reins of our worldly lives, while still giving God the ultimate control.

I'll never be able to go back under my rock. I'm not sure that in my search for a new home that it should be a rock to hide under. It might need to be a city on a hill (Matthew 5:14), or just a new roof over our heads with plenty of windows to clearly see out of. And...I wouldn't mind prayers for more self-confidence. I want some sassy with the sweet. ;)

Much love!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

HE IS RISEN! Alleluia! Alleluia!

 

A quick picture on my phone during the Easter Vigil

HAPPY EASTER!!! Both, from our littles...

...and from our whole family to yours!!

God Bless You!!!

Lenten Lights

I have been far too quiet this Lent from really blogging the things that have touched me in my prayer and meditation time. I need to play some catch up, and Spring Break is allowing me that.

I will say, I have felt very much burdened by spiritual warfare this Lent. I have either felt overwhelmed at living my faith (HHS Mandate/discussing with friends who don't understand, March for Life, practicing forgiveness in my family, making time for God in Lent, making time to read and pray, to make it to Mass, to do our Lenten Family goals and sacrifices, offering up our current living conditions and TRYING to be at peace with God's timing and Will on moving) as well as experiencing extreme spiritual dryness - even as I go through the motions of Lent. I have been disheartened that this is my worst Lent ever, and it was the Lent I needed the most EVER. I think I had pretty high expectations, so when I stumbled, I was slow to get up.

I feel myself saying "if we only had more room, I could really do X, or feel X, and be excited, dedicated, or faithful" and then realize that I'm supposed to be joyful in God's presence at all times - not just when my life is where I think it should be to be joyful. I remind myself that joy is not the same as happiness (see my sidebar of favorite quotes for more on joy vs. happiness). My life is 10 times better than Job's was, and I find myself allowing the joy to be sucked away by Satan and "the world". Happiness is fleeting, joy...joy is eternal. Joy is the Holy Spirit.

So, in that spirit of reclaiming joy, as well as sacrificing and finding God more deeply this Lent, I want to share some of the "Lenten Lights" I have gleaned on my best, and worst, days this Lent.

From 3 Minute Retreat and Fr. James Martin, SJ:
 
 "Sometimes it’s hard not to fear. It seems like the reasonable and unavoidable thing to do: for example, if you get a bad diagnosis from the doctor, or lose a job, or hear a piece of terrible news. In these situations, I sometimes find myself trying to trust in God but failing. Fear gets the better of me. That’s when I find comfort in old adage from the Scottish philosopher John McMurray about real religion and false religion.

I’ll paraphrase: False religion says that if you believe in God, nothing bad will ever happen, so don’t worry. Real religion says that even if you believe in God, something bad might happen, but there’s no need to worry. In fearful times we tend to forget that God is right there with us, no matter what happens—through our friends, our families, even our doctors—and that God gives us all sorts of resources to deal with our problems and move through them, and if we’re lucky, past them. The key is remembering all this when the fear starts and focusing on the trust instead."
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"How important it is for us to be present to our blessings and give thanks to God for the opportunities of growth which we are constantly encountering." ~Jesuit Volunteer Corps
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"This Lenten season, how is God calling you to experience your faith in a deeper way? Can you place all your trust in the mystery and ambiguity of our God who cannot be outdone in generosity?" ~ Radmar Agana Jao for 3 Minute Retreat
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From The Little Black Book for Lent:

Reflecting on Mk 2:5 - Today we share in those same gifts of forgiveness and healing and we are invited to be instruments and healing for others. But everything doesn't always fit together like it should...we can be divided by arguments and disagreements...spouses may not be able to forgive each other and heal the divisions that develop in their relationship. Here's an intriguing thought: If I could, I know I would cure people of their physical ailments...anywhere, anytime. So why don't I forgive the people who need my forgiveness?
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Reflection on Mk 2:6-10: "At the time of Jesus, the Jews believed that God alone could forgive sins. However, there were two stipulations. First, you had to deserve the forgiveness. Secondly, God didn't forgive sins until future judgement. Until then, you had to live with your sins in expectation of future forgiveness.

Now Jesus comes along and gives forgiveness as a gift  to people who don't do anything in [articular to earn it, and to some who don't seem to deserve it. And he forgives HERE and NOW. That is why Jesus' statement in this Gospel is so important "...that you may believe the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins." I no longer have to live with sin. Jesus simply offers the gift of forgiveness to all who want it, including me. Am I ready to accept that forgiveness?"
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Reflection on Mk 2:11-12 (the paralytic on the mat): There is a connection between sin and paralysis...I have weaknesses to overcome. For example, perhaps I eat too much, drink too much, procrastinate, gossip, have a short temper. Perhaps I have a broken relationship I should do something about. Maybe I need to simply try to do more than just a mediocre job at my occupation. Maybe I need to get help in dealing with problems in my life.

Why don't I do something about these things? I've got the willpower when it comes to some things, but I can't seem to get anything moving in these other parts of my life.

It's like I am paralyzed.

Maybe I can ask Jesus not only to forgive my sins....but to heal my paralysis so I can do something about the parts of my life I want to change.
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Reflection on Mk 1:10: The heavens have opened up. The Spirit has descended upon Jesus...Through my baptism I've received the same Spirit...but the Spirit isn't in me just to stay there. Like Jesus, I am sent to breathe this Spirit upon the world in order to change the world for the better...

...I can breathe life.

With this Spirit comes the call to greatness. I'm still going to make mistakes. I'm still going to be whoever I am - impetuous, a person who gets angry, whatever. I'm not going to be faultless. But, I am called to be great - a great forgiver, a great life-giver to others. 

This Lent, I need to take another look at my life....and what I am breathing on my family, those around me, on my world. 
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Reflection on Mk 1:11: To have someone say :You are beloved Son, or Daughter" was a huge deal in Jesus' day. There were no paternity tests, no knowledge on reproduction. So, if a father declared, "This is my son," then this person was a member of that family and legally the son of that father.


Without question God has spoken those same words over me in baptism. The Spirit - the same Spirit that came upon Jesus - has come upon me in baptism...I am God's child. I have a God-given destiny. Imagine.
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Reflection on Mk 9:7: Like every life, my life has its ups and downs. The downs usually come without effort. But, that's not the case with going up the mountains of my life. The ups require effort. It's easier to coast down a hill than climb up...

But I need high mountains that take me to great heights and give me an experience of God that stays with me me long after I've come down from the mountain. 

I was never made just for the flat lands of small hills. 
I was made for the mountains.
My prayer is to have the stamina, the courage, the creativity to do what it takes to find the mountains and to climb them.
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Reflection on Mk 9:-8: The Transfiguration, this unplanned moment - even if it was scary at times - turned out to be a graced moment.

Jesus has many (seemingly) unplanned moments in His life. Yet these unplanned experiences turned out to be graced moments.

Maybe I need to change my attitude toward the unplanned things that break into my life - things that are not only unplanned but also interfere with plans I had made. A large number of unplanned events in my life aren't easy or even pleasant. Maybe I should try to see them as graced moments, times when the Lord is specially present to help me do something very good.
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Reflection on Mk 9:9: Peter and the disciples were caught up in the ecstasy of the transfiguration. They wanted to build tents and stay there. But Jesus leads them down the mountain and back to the real world. There would be many trials and much suffering before they would experience that glory once again. This is the progression of every Christian life: Faith, suffering, glory.

You can't have the glory without coming down from the mountain into the real world, where people are hungry and sick and lonely and mistreated. The way to glory is through frustrations, failures, and pain of following Christ in everyday life...and its the progression of my life too. 
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Reflection on Jn 2:19 (Jesus says destroy this temple and I will raise it up in 3 days): Everyone builds temples. Many of our temples are the plans we have made for ourselves and for our children. I build a lot of temples...my temples may also have to come down. This destruction can be difficult because I usually don't know why my plans have to be abandoned. I may not see how God has something much better planned for me.
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Reflection on Jn 3:18: Christianity is the only religion that sees the instrument by which itsfounder was killed as the centerpiece that expresses the heart of what its membership believes. 
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Reflection on Jn 12:24 and 26: When I choose a particular way of life or a specific path in life, I have to "die" to other paths that I might have chosen to follow. But if I choose to walk the path in life that the Lord has called me to walk, then my life will produce the most good...by responding to the Lord, I may have to "die" in some way...but the harvest of goodness will be great.  It's a choice I make every day.

Sometimes being a follower of Jesus means having the courage to die to some way of seeing things, to some ways of acting. But the point is not the dying itself - the point is the passage to something new and better.

It takes a dying, sometimes, of an old way of thinking or feeling in order to come to a new and better attitude in life.
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Reflection on Mk 14:22-25: Jesus is in Jerusalem (his last time) celebrating the feast of the Passover...during Lent [people can reflect on the 'Our Father' ]  when I pray the Our Father slowly, I am given a certain perspective on the kind of life I am supposed to life because of my baptism.

It is God's kingdom that I am trying to bring about.

It is God's will that I am trying to do.

I am asking for daily bread...not riches.

I mention my need to be forgiven...and I acknowledge that it depends on how I forgive others.

Praying the Our Father gives me perspective on how I'm to live my life. Have I allowed this prayer to give a certain perspective to everything I say and do in my life? Holy Week is a great time to think about this.
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Peace be with you this Holy Week. Thanks for praying for me. I am so praying for you!!

Prepare Ye!

Hosannah! Happy Palm Sunday!!

Many people spread their cloaks on the road,
and others spread leafy branches
that they had cut from the fields.
Those preceding him as well as those following kept crying out:
"Hosanna!
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!
Blessed is the kingdom of our father David that is to come!
Hosanna in the highest!"

Mark 11: 1-10

Processing in our church with palms. "Prepare Ye!"

Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord!