Sorry to be Vague

Hey Friends,

When did my blog stop capturing my life, and become more about me trying to capture life? It is such a chore these days to decide to find joy, live positively (especially for the children looking to me) , laugh, and focus on my needed daily tasks without being reminded about the tightness in my chest. But, I am choosing joy, and I can feel the blessings of living "the glass is half full" life.

We're still waiting. Waiting for news on our big "thanksgiving". It's a nail biter, and I have to say - losing my home last year almost was worse. I really, oddly, think it was worse. Let me explain.

Last year, when we lost our house and Hubby got terribly ill, I could see blessings from God left and right. He doesn't allow things to happen, He is WITH YOU as they happen. I truly know this, and have experienced this. Our world is flawed. This time, during this season, I have NO doubt He has with me, I just seem too stressed to see His works of love and mercy as constantly as I did. Thankfully, I see it in obvious bursts, and feel it when I calm my heart in prayer. Today was one of those days, and I'm headed to bed with a soothed heart. I pray I wake up with one as that is not always the case. I also pray I sleep all night too. So, because of the distraction of this particular stress, I'm standing in my own way of seeing the constant signs from God He is with me at EVERY turn - so this trial feels worse. Maybe also because we are nearing the 1st Anniversary of "the terrible awful"  (what is that from? It is totally on the tip of my tongue!!) we were SO close to rebuilding. Now, that is in question. Maybe that is it?

But, I close this in thanksgiving for your prayers, your generous hearts in letting my blog go in this direction, for uplifting me, and for you just being you. I've been able to now meet TWO of you readers by chance or by plan - and how COOL is that?

God is good ALL the time. Are we just good enough to see it?

LOVE!!

Third Grade, really??

Today was our first day of third grade. We eased in and will pick up steam this week. I still can't get over my girl.

Here are the pics we took for family - but to be honest, we love PJ's and play clothes for learning LOL!! But, isn't she "Lovely"....

This will be a fun year. I'm really excited to have the focus again. I hope we can make use of our homeschooling blog soon to record our precious days together!!

Welcome back to school for all of you!!!!

My Theme Song For The Coming Days...

Today we got mixed news in the prayer department of late. I wish I could be more "real" here about it, but I just can't...yet. I thank you all for the prayers. We should hear something definitive by next Friday in terms of our prayers. At this point, my prayers have changed a bit. I'm asking that prayers said for us are ones that ask that we simply stay within God's Will for us. It's time for us to simply ride the rollercoaster, not try to drive it.

I've had a favorite song I've loved that hasn't been playing as much on the radio, so I've almost forgotten it. When I heard it today I knew I wanted to share it and make it this week's theme song. When I went to YouTube it to share, I was shocked that not only is it a great song about waiting on the Lord, the song and video were for the move "Fireproof" (I knew it was used in the movie, but not written FOR the movie).  It has been amazing how so much of our situation has affected our marriage of late - either positive, or negative (hence the rollercoaster image). So, now I find this song VERY appropriate. It also reminds me of a past blog post where I confessed I have not been choosing joy as I wait on the Lord and instead just get by. This song reminds me to still run the race while waiting on God. I can't just shut down while I wait.

Maybe you need this song too.

Thanks for the prayers!!! Wait on the Lord joyfully!! Tears are allowed (today was the first time I've cried in a while) but once cleansed, be joyful!! You are in His Hands!! God Bless!!!!

**Thanks for the help in my post below. Your advice was perfect. How easy to not see the forest for the trees when you are mired down. Thank you!!!




I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

How much info?

So, let's take a quick break from my big, but "first world" problems of late. I have a question for any readers out there who want to jump in and comment.

Where is the line between lying and sharing - and I mean too much info about what happened with our house and the fall out from all that? 

As we pray about moving to a more long term home and we look around, I'm finding that as we meet people (some, potential new friends in these new areas) and tell them we are looking for a home, so many are asking "So, did you sell your home already?"

Now, I'm a "heart on my sleeve" type of girl, and most IRLers would tell you readers I probably overshare about my life - I'm just too ready to connect, be honest, and don't lie well (I still sin by lying though! Argh!) . This happened to me fresh out of our move and when I was in the turbulent waters of confusion - how did I lose my home, who was I married to, etc. I went to the library for a baby program, and a new mom I met there heard me mention we had just moved, and she asked where, etc. Then she was like "how did you sell your home so fast?" I guess I was just too vague with my answers (she kept pressing) and instead of being able to change the subject or just end it well - I quietly muttered "forclosure" - which she still couldn't hear, so I had to say it louder. Oh - I felt shame. I think she did too for having pressed so hard. I really do. I doubt she ever  does that again. I harbor no ill will to her.

I have not had a situation like that since where I have to explain anything. I HAVE run into people or professionals in our community (doctors/dentists/businesses all my family shares around town) that have known because a close family member(s) told them we were foreclosed on. One family member went into detail about what my husband did (NOT ok at all. That is "by permission" only. We don't need the community to hold a grudge!), another one told a professional we were foreclosed on. Not really what I wanted either (I would have happily moved and not shared with the world why we moved to a new home - is that lying for now?). I tend to think I'm sensitive about who talks about the foreclosure because how it happened, not that it did happen. I wonder if I'd be much more open talking about losing our home if I had known a year or two before, liked most normal owners? I feel much more protective of the truth because of being protective of my husband, I know that for a fact!

Anyways, back to the present. As I've mentioned, we are discerning and preparing for a possible move to a more permanent home finally, after almost a year of recovery. And, in doing so, we are in new communities, and meeting new people who we will potentially see on a daily basis - even becoming friends. I found myself being asked over and over by these people this week alone about our house, and how did we sell it so quickly. I should have been more prepared. I found myself saying "we've sold it over a year ago, and have been renting ever since." Other times I said we "got rid of it a year ago, and renting." or "We were able to move out and start renting about a year ago." That last one is the best answer to avoid lying, but it gets the more probing questions. In this market, everyone wants to know "how we did it" without renting it out. Sigh.
Lies. All lies.


I just don't want to give the real story until we really know and trust these potential new friends (and I sure hope they will be!). But, how do I do it without lying?

Oh - amazingly, one of these new friends is a fellow blogger and reader of my blog - WHAT A SMALL WORLD. She completely recognized me and laughed about knowing "Gift, Valiant, and Lovely!" (how thankful am I now that I do code names, and so does this new blogger friend. We both like knowing people can't call our kids by their real names). I won't reveal her until later, but this sweet woman has not said a word to me, or anyone I was around, about the real story. She must be reading this post. She probably has been this whole time. What a generous heart she (you, you know who you are) has. My husband and I have been totally happy with blogging our journey to healing - not many IRL friends know this blog exists, because it is so personal, but we want to share our journey somehow to heal. I normally know who reads though, but she and I had not commented on each others' blogs in months, so I was caught by surprise she knew me.  I was wildly excited though, and she is totally amazing. I'm really hoping I can see her more often now. But, she probably heard me being vague/lying to the new friends around us (HER friends). She may even wonder why I'm doing it. I feel so torn up inside! I'm a liar. I promise I'm just trying to protect my husband most. And yes, there is shame in it too. I'm scared of being judged if we simply say "we lost our home to foreclosure, and now we're looking into being your neighbors."

So, do you have any advice on how to navigate what to say, how much to say, and how to avoid saying things that could be hurtful to my husband? I know one day, if I grow closer to the people we have been meeting, I may share many details of losing our home (not all, and I'm sure you ca guess which parts I'll leave out), but I'll want to come "clean". I welcome all comments - even my more quiet readers and new friends, LOL!

How much info should be shared? How can I do it well and honorably? I should have asked this months ago.

Thanks! Blessings!!

P.S. I am praying that one day, we will be able to share all of the details, maybe as a sharing couple in Retrouvaille, etc. I just don't know if we are there yet. We are getting there. Pray for us!!!

Peace?

I really hope the peace I am feeling is really peace from all the prayers you are saying for me/us, and God whispering on my heart. Because, I am feeling more hopeful than I have in weeks since our news of thanksgiving. Before, it was like I just knew something was not right. It weighed me down. I think that was also God preparing me and keeping me on my toes for this week's shock. Trust those instincts people! The Holy Spirit whispers!

It is going to be a very interesting 30 days though. PLEASE keep praying!

Choosing joy!

I have 3 feet!

And apparently all three shoes have dropped.

Yeah....about the last post I wrote....nothing is rumored anymore. Yep, you read that right.

We have 30 days. Let's pray for a miracle, shall we? And, this will glorify God. It will.