A late Festivus

You know, I have ignored the Seinfeld "Festivus" (The Holiday for the rest of us) since it came into being. But, things change...and I want to enter into the spirit of its season so I can fully enter into the Christmas season. Yes, I am aware that celebrating Festivus probably means a trip to the confessional! It's time to air some grievances, the ones that come from many people being together under one roof that normally have not for an extended period of time since adolescence.

See 3:27 above for the airing of grievances.

Before I air my grievances - I want to say I take full responsibility that I was not on my A game the other day on Christmas. I was overtired, fighting a chest cold, and allowed myself to think I was in a safe place to be real and faulty lol. Thanksgiving had gone SO well with my 3 kids (considered a huge family to my extended family) in another loved ones home, that I relaxed too much on Christmas - excited children from Christmas morning, in need of naps, and grumpy themselves made for mistakes made on my parenting and discord in my family. I also will not name names.

* Today is Jesus' day. Why does it become so convoluted and about social norms? 

* While I do have eyes in the back of the head - I have not developed X-Ray vision. Had I known that Valiant, sitting on the ottoman RIGHT in front of me with her back to me, was eating a chocolate Santa in the living room over white carpet, I would have gladly "controlled my child". I'm sure x-ray vision evolves over time. (EDITED to add: No chocolate got on the carpet. She was caught before any messes were had). 

* If the aunt says they can drink in the living room (against my better judgement - I should have overridden the kind aunt offering this special treat), and they spill something - don't come after me for letting it happen. Just chalk it up to a learning experience, that it cleaned easily, and there is no use crying over spilled milk.

* Please don't take it personally if excited kids on Christmas don't want to eat dinner food (even mashed potatoes, green beans, and bread), and I had a reason not making them their own meal (to try to get them to eat their real meal first). Don't worry about their protests. Don't feel you didn't feed them enough, that you treat them badly, or that they didn't get enough. I probably should have one ahead and made mac and cheese instead - but I didn't. I will probably do so this week when we gather again with more family, just to avoid another Festivus. 

* I'm sorry my eldest had some drama over the rolls served. I'm probably more sorry than you for her acting like that at the table - but I promise you her life is not that bad, so don't pity her on Christmas over her roll comments. She is not neglected, she is loved, and yeasty rolls are not symbolic of her hard life. 

* Don't make it so obvious who gave you the best presents, and most thoughtful presents, this year compared to other family members. 

* DON'T support my suggestion to go lay down with the two youngest (one with me, one with daddy) to get them to stay down for a nap after attempts to do it alone failed so they could sleep off their crabbiness when it risks both mom and dad falling asleep with the kids. If you resent them sleeping with the kids, and too much time passes, then come and wake them to help with food, kids, etc. Sleeping adults who sleep through one of the kids waking up and going downstairs obviously are not trying to skip out on family time, cooking, babysitting, or parenting. They are just tired parents of young children who worked the night before. Could it be seen as rude? YES! But, don't "let them sleep because they need it" then make them feel like Christmas was ruined because they were allowed to sleep. I would have loved to cook, play, set the table if I had been awake. So, if I do it again...wake me up!

* When you know that every dollar counts, and playing at Masses at different parishes on Christmas Eve from 6:30pm-1am makes some really good income for us once a year (I was home by 9:30pm with the kids, my husband was out till late) don't throw that in our faces that we are tired the next day, when you have spent most of the year complaining we don't make enough money. Also, don't throw in our faces that one sibling had to deal with the burden of hosting us all because we don't have a house anyone to host people in. That is MOST painful.

* When one's sister and BIL  has cooked a marvelous, formal meal for the family, do not talk about leaving before the meal is served. It breaks my sister's heart that every family get together ends in a rush because someone is done being there. You didn't even have to drive....you were driven there and back so you would not have to worry. The tension shot up 1000xs and became the constant thread of dinner ("Pack up quickly, we need to go after dinner. We need to leave. We need to get on the road soon....").

* If it matters, when we got back home last night - the two littles who needed those naps and were so grumpy had terrible coughs, one had a fever, and one threw up. Maybe the cause of it all?

I'd better stop. I've aired some of the bigger issues. Too real? Should I leave this post up? Probably not. I will say that after the offending party were taken home, that my sister immediately relaxed and we talked about how our family is just a big clash....my "big and young" family clashing with a small family with a teenager, clashing with older family members. But I cried saying why does it have to clash? Why do other families get to just be on Christmas and enjoy? Why is there a time limit on how long we can be together? How long will my husband and I be the family who failed, and keeps failing in certain people's eyes? 

I know the answer is eventually just having Christmas at home alone, THEN joining family....but...

1) My sister makes a magical home on Christmas.
2) My kids expect it - part of the routine. They LOVE it. They count down to it. 

3) There is a thrill of being together with everyone Christmas morning. 

4) It helps us be able to play Christmas Eve Masses with our instruments.

5) I like being together. I just dread the stress. I always hope for the best, and I'm not sure I'll ever stop hoping for that family centered Christmas in this brief and precious life we live.

6) I just need to accept and let go. 

7) What time is confession again?

8) No matter what happened on Christmas day, Christ was with me. It was His day. I just wonder if he was looking at me annoyed with what I let happen on His birthday, or lovingly at me. It's very easy for me to think my heavenly Father, my Savior, and Our Lady to see me differently than my earthly family. I can see how people's faith can be formed by their earthly relationships. But, at the root of it all - I know their unconditional love is just that, unconditional. 

Happy Festivus! The holiday for the rest of us! Now...on to CHRISTMAS!!!! It's not just a day....THANK GOD!!!!!

Emmanuel.