Looking back at 2009 - Looking ahead to 2010

I love this time of year....New Year's Eve. It isn't about the annual party we throw which thrills us with a house full of loved ones (kids too!) to ring in a new year - though that is awesome. It's usually all the reflecting I hear and read about that makes me want to also strive in goal making for the fresh new year. It also makes me reflect back to see if I met any of the goals/resolutions I made the previous Eve.

I used to just make resolutions - but I found I broke them. I used to do this college. Now I "resolve" to make goals...and for some reason - this helps!

In early 2009, I started blogging in a way to help me have a place to focus on the 2009 goals I made. I'll copy and paste a few things here from those early entries and goal making:

1st- about me...
Wanna join me for the journey? Well than, welcome to your (hopefully) daily dose of a Rose-y (hehe) Outlook on Life. The name fits, for many reasons, the obvious and not so obvious. It fits our family unit, as well as my view on the world. I'm an optimist, spiritual "God's got me even if I struggle with letting go" happy go lucky, life is good and what you make of it, sunshiny gal. Life IS good, and I'd rather look at things happily, and have an er, ahem...rosy outlook on the life I've been given. Even though the flip side of me is a worrier, and I struggle at embracing a pure confidence in many things, I still prefer at the end of the day to embrace the good, because life is too short. I'm reminded every day. We need to find the joy - work at it if we have to. And, I have to use my brain, heart, and soul to do this - with a lot of help and faith.

So - there was my intro on me. When 2008 was passing away, and it was the Eve of 2009 - I made a goal. I wanted to work on that more worrisome side of me. I wanted to try to become a stronger, more confidant person. The person I felt 95% of the time. The person who was infused with faith and PEACE and optimism after a day with family, time with God, uplifting Mass, fun with friends, or even with a cross that I bear KNOWING God carried me, or waking up and knowing I was taken care of; that worrying was pointless because it lead to fear and doubt, and that isn't what life is about. Life is about living without taking things for granted and how precious our gifts are, because life is short!

People who know me know I'm an optimist, happy, and God trusting. I've been tested many times and I know God is there for me. I actually feel Him most during those "drop to my knees" times and I'm so grateful for those times. Yet...one thing I wanted to work on in 2009 was dealing with the "smaller crosses" of life and letting go of my fears and letting God make me the confidant woman He wants me to be! How is it I do so well with big crosses (illness, job loss, strife) but the daily little ones sink me? I was hurt a ton in my past, and currently deal with some harsh but caring extended family members. The result is I battle insecurities daily - even when I know God can just take those from me if I let Him. I felt in 2008 (and maybe because in 2008 I was pregnant or nursing - thus more emotional, hormonal, post partum, and tired) I was giving in to my worries on a daily basis. I questioned what I said to people, did, thought, or what others did or said towards me. I worried about my family, I let negative family comments get to me and affect how I felt about myself and parenting. I felt all I vented to trusted friends was just "me me me me me" (I still battle that - friends reading this...I love you and thank you for being that listening ear - I'm going to keep working on it for 2010!). I wanted to let that go in my life and be open to the GOOD. Be whole!

So, New Year's Eve, before 2009, I resolved these goals:

1. Work more on letting go, letting God with my daily worries, small crosses, and insecurities.
2. Embracing each day.
3. Focus on quality time with my girls and husband.
4. Becoming more prayerful and doing more "quiet time" and reflective reading.

I know journaling helps people stay focused on their goals, as well as create an outlet for their feelings so they can process, release, and find a way to move forward. I decided to blog in Feb of this year to help me find that focus, and feel like I had a place to vent that wasn't always a friend whose valuable time I was using up LOL! Also, blogging was great for me because I could post the POSITIVES in my life - pictures, family events, my kids, etc and know that during my day I DID do something good for my family. My anxiety would make me think I had wasted the day, or didn't spend time with my girls or husband. Blogging these great moments and seeing them add up helped me see I was living out my calling. I think most bloggers do that. It's why sometimes we as readers think a blogger's life is perfect - and it is not....they are just capturing the good moments and memories. They struggle with all the stresses we do - they just try and remember the good times. So blogging helped me greatly with those goals of seeing my life more clearly and blessed. A true gift where each day is precious and short.

When I look over the blog, I see where I quoted from my readings, or from other inspirational places, the bible, friends, family, or famous quotes and they have helped me so much. I see the pictures of our family moments, or Daybooks capturing my little moments, or venting entries that gave me emotional release. I've felt I've stayed accountable to that 2009 goal list. Sure, I've fallen a few times, but I have made it a constant focus of improvement.

When I talk to my husband and friends (well, BEFORE getting pregnant with #3) I ask them if I seem better, talking less about my worries etc. Did they see me as a little more peaceful than in 2008? Most reactions seemed positive - though I was warned to not expect to CHANGE myself - God made me who I am - the parts that make me a worrier or a prey to anxiety also make me a great listener, empathic to others, accepting and loving of others - maybe even a challenge to others with my perspective. I just need to keep working on finding that balance. I really think I was/am doing better job at letting go. Now, getting pregnant (YAY!!) has brought back some of those hormones that mess with me, brought out some "great" (sarcasm) extended family comments lol, and some of those inner voices that make me worry about everything...but I feel stronger! I feel more empowered to take on those anxieties. I may freak a little, but if I reflect, pray, write, or call someone - I can release faster than I did before. I take that as a step in the right direction. I'm letting Go, Letting God a little more every day.

One New Year's reflection I got a lot out of and made me write this post was Jennifer's entry. She lists 7 lessons from 2009. Most of them were really great for me. I'll do MY take on her list - paraphrasing her titles:

1. Taking Care of oneself physically helps everything else...I have found this year that working out more, or walking, has helped me deal with all those inner voices. When I am stronger in body, I find I can be more focused on my spirit. Endorphins or energy help one focus 'Above'. I lost about 23 pounds (before getting pregnant) that really renewed me. Mind, spirit, and body DO work together to help us hear God and feel Him. It's empowering!

2. Rethinking Gratitude...Jennifer is so right - if you lose the "If only's" and try to be grateful for what comes your way (or a HIDDEN blessing from a hard road or cross) it is easier to be happy. I also try to adopt a "Why NOT me" attitude when things (good OR bad) happen instead "why me?." It really helps the spirit!

3. Trusting God does make things work out! HAHA - That is TOTALLY what I've been working on this year, and when I can do it...it is SO true!

4. Avoiding snacks and toys in church....Well, lol...we do use those things in small quiet doses, so I can't really relate to what she wrote, aside from the fact we don't take in many toys, and when I had a baby shower for Lovely, someone told me to adopt the "shopping cart" mentality with church. "You NEVER want to let your kids out of the shopping cart or you'll never get them back in - same goes for the pew. Keep crawlers and walkers in your lap or the pew chairs because if they learn they can move around in the pews, then they'll really push your buttons in getting you to take them out, or distract others from welcoming your kids in church." It has worked for both my girls (who knows why!) and both are pretty calm church goers. If I have needed to stand up with a fussy little one - I usually don't have to go far, and I don't let them down. I just hold them, then come back and sit down. Our new pastor actually prefers us to STAY in the sanctuary. He doesn't like us being separated from Mass and welcomes the noises of children. How else will little ones learn if they can't be a part of the community (toys, snacks, books, and all). I LOVE that!!!!!!

5. Expecting others to fill you up....As a girl who battles this.....her #5 rule is SO true!!! Sometimes I look for affirmation from family members over and over and don't and get crushed. Only God is perfect and always there for you...so why do I stress? HAHA - easier for me to say than for me to do. I value others so much because of my past LOL! A new goal for 2010.....

6. "The root of stress is usually fear...." AMEN!!! That is a lesson I have figured out this year!!! I'm taking it with me to work on in 2010!

7. The Poop Fates...HAHA - this one was just too funny. And, a lesson I already learned. Poop, and anything else, can happen to you and the kids ANYTIME...hehehe! That REALLY goes for stomach bugs too! Never say never!

So thanks Jennifer for the reflection!!

Ok - so what am I resolving for 2010? Here are my goals (in no particular order):

1. To continue working on letting go, and trusting. If those anxieties take hold, I need to acknowledge them, then let them go somehow to God. That is true empowerment to me. I know I can do more growth here. Blogging, praying, and knowing who to talk to and challenge me helps as well.

2. Continue to put health on the list - cook better, eat better, exercise and encourage my family to do the same. 2009 was our best year yet for this - I know 2010 can rock this too!

3. Keep working on my prayer life, and praying with my Hubby and girls. It will help us all stay fresh and renewed.

4. THIS IS MY BIG ONE - last year, I worked on me dealing with the little crosses and letting go, letting God more. This year, I want also turn my focus of self improvement outward towards my spouse and family. I want to work on building up my family. So often I find myself treating others with more respect than my Hubby. I want to work on how I respond to my children's needs. I want to be secure in how they are being raised. I want to point out their talents as much as I point out their little friends' talents. I also want to make my extended family more of a priority with family time - even with the undercurrents of strive at times. Life is just TOO short. Sometimes the people we know love us unconditionally are the people we don't put 1st enough because they love us unconditionally. I want to improve that this coming year.

5. I want to continue making family traditions, discoveries, and values. 2009 has been such a blast exploring what worked for us and next year will be just as great, especially with a little newborn boy in the mix!

6. Looking to God to affirm me, not others. My love language is "words of affirmation" so this will be HARD to do (one of my hardest)....but I can't let those harsh comments get me down, or live for others. I need to blaze the trail I'm called to carve!

So there you have it....looking back to 2009, and looking ahead to 2010. I feel SO blessed! We never know how long we have, so today is all we can aim for...and I strive that each day we're given in 2010 will be a day I'm not taking for granted, and where I see all the rich blessings I've been given even in the small and big crosses which WILL come.

Much love and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Enjoy this fresh new start!!!

Small Successes and Thankful Thursday - "New Year's Edition"

I can't believe this is the last one of the year! WOW!!!

Happy Almost New Year! I almost forgot about the small successes today. I'm trying to work on a post/entry/reflection on the end of 2009 and the goals I had for it, and then looking forward to 2010 with new goals. I also do resolutions, but usually it works out better for me if I "resolve" to do goals. But, we've been so busy with small and big successes that that post might not get done! The kids are down for a nap (I should take one) so maybe I'll get it done before resting!

For now...here are some successes from the past week!

1. By far my biggest one - making it to 20 weeks with our baby.....(click HERE to see the big ultrasound reveal!!)

2. We've spent almost every day purging items from our house to either donate, or to just clean out our home (yesterday alone we had 6 boxes of clothes and items to donate!). It feels good to get so much done. The days off from school enable me to do this, and it feels really good. I've been wanting to do it for a while, but needed the time off AND the generosity of family with gifts, etc for the kids made it a need! So, now everything has a place. Lovely even picked out HERSELF...4 bags of childhood toys to give to needy children. I was SO proud of her. To me, that is another side of Christmas - for kids to really get what's important.

3. We had a FANTASTIC Christmas. We spent it with family at my sister's, and it was wonderful. It was nice to come back home and be a family and do Christmas traditions (we got our lights put up, etc) and really focused on the reason for the season. We're playing carols in the house, doing crafts....welcoming friends in town to spend time with us...it is great. I've been trying to make up for a more busy advent than I had planned, so this has been nice. Please click here, here, and here to see what we've been up to. It's been really fulfilling!

Our Family wishes yours a wonderful Christmas Season!!!!

Thankful Thursday
This week I am thankful for...

1. being able to look back over a year (2009) that has been safe, healthy, fruitful, and challenging for our family. We're really blessed!
2. My God - who gave us 2009, and each single day we have to live to the fullest!
3. For our baby Savior and all the fulfilled promises.
4. my husband - who is ever patient and loving to me and our family.
5. my precious daughters and son on the way - they are everyday miracles.
6. my family - even in the craziness of the roller coasters our lives take us, that there is glue holding us together.
7. my amazing friends....each a gift...each part of my family, I'm indebted.
8. being so rich in what matters - not my bank account :)
9. being grateful for our home, able-ness to be there for others, a loving church community, and helping God take care of our family.
10. for the opportunity to embrace 2010 and see where it leads us, God willing!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

By far, the BEST kid gift of Christmas morn? EDITED

(and yes, Baby Jesus is the BESTEST Gift....as Lovely would correct me lol)

But, by far, the best gift for a growing girl on Christmas morn? The below video captures it (and yes, for mommy, the other best gift has been Lovely's kid camera, because mine is dying and so I have use her's to capture all the pics I've posted this week LOL!).

The video has no sound - thanks to the camera being a kid camera, but it reminds me nostalgically of the silent home movies of my childhood. I like it!

I'm so glad this toy is making a comeback! Lovely has NOT STOPPED playing with it since the 25th. AWESOME!

Enjoy!





And not to leave Val out....here she is (if these videos are working...) with her favorite toy!

one way to celebrate Christmas for 12 days...

is to FINALLY get lights up on the exterior of one's house - even if it is just the windows! LOL!!!

Hopefully we can get out a lawn light display or 2 before New Years :) The outside just escaped us this year, even at Christmas Eve.

Hey - this is just another way to keep the 12 days fresh and special and exciting, right? :)

I need Fat!!!

LOL! That got your attention, huh?

I need fat, but not for me (I have plenty, hehe), but I really want to plump up little Val. At 18 months she's 18.5 pounds (my scale) and I think at 15 months at her appt she was still around 18 pounds. I really want to fatten her up - but in a healthy way. Any suggestions? I'll take recipes too....

THANKS Cyberworld!

Our Christmas Season thus far, and our 18 month old!

Hello!!

I've been enjoying a little bloggity break. I've been enjoying our time with family, and embracing the season (as well as the extra rest and break from routine) and all the traditions this past Advent and now Christmas season are inviting us to enjoy or try.

I have so many pics I want to share - but our camera has been on the fritz. I can't upload pics from Christmas Eve (Lovely was an Angel in the Nativity) but it was so wonderful. Hubby is trying to get them off, but my camera has been dying a slow death, so we'll see what we can get and when. Christmas Day my sister let me use her camera for pics, but there was no time to e-mail copies to myself. Today, being the feast of the Holy Family and St. John (and my new quest this year to embrace more of these seasons and feasts with our family to try new traditions - they've been around for so long, I'd love to experience them for ourselves!) we did some fun activities, and I had to use Lovely's new "kid" digital camera (kidproof and basic for little kids) from Christmas morning to take the pics from today LOL! You'll be able to tell what camera took what pics to follow :) Her camera is very.....basic. But, GREAT for a kid! She's having a blast. I need to post pics she takes to see life from her perspective, literally!

So, I'll wait and recap Christmas Eve and Christmas day when and if I have pics. They help tell the story (and help me remember lol) and I'm so tired tonight I won't do it justice. I really want to recapture our Christmas Eve because I especially felt the most peace Christmas Eve with 4pm Mass (our pastor again ROCKS with kids). I think doing two more Masses that evening (7pm and midnight) wore me out, as incredible as they were too, and I was a bit more tired and hormonal on Christmas Day at my sister's house. Coming home was a help, as was a LONG nap in my own bed Saturday.

The day after Christmas we woke to find ourselves living with an 18 MONTH OLD!! When did my baby become a year and a half?

Little Val is working on her walking skills....


Always a gentle love with her hugs, snuggles, kisses, and smiles....


and her free-standing without support skills:


Highlights of this age?
~ She's already very musical and in tune - family and friends comment on hearing her sing Twinkle Twinkle/ABC's, Where is Thumbkin?, and O Come O Come Emmanuel very clearly without us telling them what she is singing.
~ She WAVES at everyone - with a big toothy grin. She got a little fussy at Christmas Eve Mass and I took her to the back to give her a break and the little goofball stopped fussing as I started walking and she waved to the entire church all the way up the aisle. People were waving back and chuckling - it was hysterical! I took that as a sign we could go back and sit down HAHA!
~ She can crawl up and downstairs VERY well. I still want Hubby to install gates ("do you hear me buddy?" lol)
~ She says "Mommy, Momma, Dada, nana, BuBye, doggie, uh oh, wow.." and as I said, waves hi and bye!
~ She's walking with assistance or with walking toys. It won't be much longer till the scoot she does is history :(
~ She loves to explore...inside, outside, on grass, gravel...nothing slows her down!
~ She LOVES going through bags, purses, anything that she can pull things out of.
~ She loves all her toys that make her think and problem solve. It is so neat to watch.
~ She loves texture!
~ She hasn't learned to say "no" yet, which might explain her new temper that broils up at times. She can get quite the squeal and scream on her (covering ears, lol). This has started in the last week. Maybe it is the holiday "off schedule" too?
~ She usually sleeps from 7pm to 7-7:30am. She was not doing this at a year, and it's been slowly improving every month. I love it!!! I'll be getting up all night again in a few more months....
~ She still naps twice a day, but is flexible when, or if, we have to skip a nap. Her morning nap is about 3 hours, with her afternoon 1-2 hours.
~ She's a great eater. She used to eat anything with her own hands, but now is more picky unless one of us feeds her - but she eats MUCH better than Lovely ever did, and better foods!
~ Still petite for an 18 month old (She weighs the same as her 9 month old Godsister)...but such a cutie! She is a very loving, gentle soul.

She's a joy in our lives just like her big sister!!

Today was a great family day. Last night we cleaned out the girls rooms (they were given so much at Christmas by family that we needed to do a total purge and donate....but it felt so good to re-organize and have fresh toys, and fresh baby/toddler toys instead of 6 year old ones) and Lovely helped pick FOUR BAGS of her toys to give to needy children and donation centers. I was really proud of her. So today, in honor of the Feast of the Holy Family...we had a family day. We went to afternoon Mass as a family, but Hubby also had to play at 9am Mass, so while he was gone, Lovely helped me make a big feast for when he got home for us to eat together as a family and surprise him. We had eggs, pancakes, veggie sausage, fruit, and toast. To tie in the Feast of St. John (who I learned is symbolized by the Eagle) , we made the toast look like eagles (another mom's idea). We've NEVER done this before, but I have to admit in 2009, I found myself all year, from Lent to this Christmas season, wanting to really research our Church's history with all these celebrations. Lovely also LOVES all faith related things, so I think she's led our family to want to experience things more deeply - including foods, crafts, traditions, etc. I love seeing what our family really loves doing and it feels really fulfilling to try and learn things together. It is getting me ready for homeschooling too! With Hubby's support, everything we do feels exciting and I love what we're learning too. I feel a little more peace in my life when it comes to our family unit. I need to cling to that when life can get me anxious!

Here are some pics from this morning's activities. And yes, they were taken with Lovely's new camera :) Actually, they are not that bad with a steady hand....

waiting for daddy....(we have put back the Advent Wreath and moved the Jesse Tree to the center of our table - I actually miss Advent!)


Our Eagle toast! Made with bread, raisins, and clementines!



Lovely digging into her toast!


And here Lovely took these pics herself!! The budding photographer!


It's been a fabulous day for family time - and I'm ready for bed! I hope I can get my camera to work, or Lovely and I get to share her purple and pink camera the rest of the year :)

Much love! And, in honor of today - Hubby and I celebrate your marriages! Thanks for always inspiring others with your light, and dedication in good times and in bad!

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

A VERY Merry Christmas to you all!!!! Our love to you!!!

(We hope Santa is good to you too! hehe)



"For unto us a Son is born...."

Our family would like to introduce you to.....

Our miracle....

and precious gift....

of a Baby......

BOY!!!!! (if you couldn't tell....oh goodness)

We're so excited to introduce our SON. We can't believe it. Even though I was secretly hoping for a shy baby and finally be forced to have a surprise baby until delivery, I love knowing that this squirmy mover inside me is my SON. Hubby was astounded, Lovely WANTED a brother and has called it a boy the whole time, and even though we would have been thrilled (Hubby even hoped for another girl) with a girl, it is a whole new world opening to us. Amazing. And, how cool at Advent and Christmas to be awaiting a son, as the world waits a Son. :)

We went as a family, so both girls were there and Lovely was so excited. It was a neat memory to cherish!

So, now we travel on to May 11th (EDD) and all the new discoveries ahead. What a miracle!!! We feel very humbled. Oh....and....what the heck will we do with a boy after 6 years of knowing girls?!! hehehe!

Much love!

4th week of Advent and Ultrasound tomorrow!!!

Whew!!!! I'm writing this post, when I should be in bed, but I'm so pumped that so many of our "to do" lists for Christmas just got completed today. I'm not behind anymore, what's left is so doable, and I feel I can be more "Advent-y" in the last 2 days before Christmas.

Not that we haven't done a lot of focus and activities....I just felt distracted by the prep for Christmas day and beyond (and not things that could wait and be done during the Christmas season). It brought me down a lot. I guess I wanted more quiet, more peace and "waiting" - not running!

Lovely and I have loved doing something every day for the Advent Season with the Jesse tree ornaments, Advent Calendar, etc. I just didn't get to more of the feast days and cooking tie-ins as I wanted. But as a family we loved lighting the wreath every night, singing "O Come O Come Emmanuel" together as we lit the candles and eating in the candle light, and reading stories and bible stories to enrich the experience. We've also had lots of fun at a live Nativity, watching Christmas specials, and Lovely running around with her blinking red nose and antlers :) She has quite the imagination. I'll also find her dressed up as Mary with a doll as baby Jesus (or Valiant) and it is too cute!!!!!!!

We just got the tree up with lights (no decorations yet) and today had a mega day with cooking and concocting some edible gifts (I hope???) for dear friends next door, seeing dear family friends off and exchanging some lovely "happies," painting, creative writing, crafting, and other handmade gifting for the family for the big day. We got so much done. Lovely painted and painted for family and friends! Checking things off the list felt so good! It also felt good to enjoy it, not just feel stressed and taken away from the season. Today felt GOOD.

Here are some pictures from our past week. The pictures range from Lovely making cookies with my sister at her house, to some of Lovely's crafting for Christmas gifts, to her making her Jesse Tree ornaments and filling up her tree (countdown to Christmas!!), our Advent Wreath lighting, Advent Adventures, Valiant and Lovely hanging out watching our Nutcracker music box, the girls at the Live Nativity, Goddaughter E with her Godsisters (she's gotten so big), Lovely helping me cook rolls for dinner tonight, our humble tree lol, etc. I'll just post them:





















It's been an incredible week - full of the season, busy, but blessed. I'm glad tomorrow brings some time to reflect and be :) I look forward to living these last 2 days before Christmas with growing joy, and preparation for the reason for the season :)

Oh - before I go to bed (it's soooo late!) I almost forgot - the ultrasound is tomorrow!!! If we can, we will find out the gender (but we're always up for a surprise!), and seeing about how the baby is growing. What a blessing this baby is, no matter what tomorrow brings!

Ok...sleep....sleep.....much love.....

1st Hot Cocoa

Tonight we went to a live Nativity at a local church (we took lots of pics, I'll share them hopefully another post). It was a good night to both bundle up warm, experience a live rendition of the true meaning of Christmas, then come home to hot cocoa!

Lovely has always refused to try hot cocoa. She's basically a white milk and water girl (yep - no juice either - her choice!). But, I think the cold weather, spirit of the season, and us talking it up as a fun memory got her excited to try it. And of course, she looked VERY festive trying it.

See below...what do you think - did she like it?

It's a winner!! Let it be recorded - 1st Hot Cocoa, age 6 (dressed as Rudolph) - Advent 2009!

hehe - I love the spirit of this season!!!

Small Successes and Thankful Thursday - ""FOCUS" Edition

Busy, BUSY day today! I'm not sure if I'll have the time to make the rounds like I like doing on Thursdays for this - but we'll see. It always makes my day! But recapping my week always helps me see something helpful - especially when I'm trying to make this a more meaningful season for my family and I still feel rushed and overwhelmed with prepping, instead of waiting and anticipating joy!

1. My house is pretty much kept up with!! I still have some laundry - but I've kept the house straight, orderly, and more peaceful so we feel more peaceful.

2. Lovely and I have LOVED doing more Advent traditions this week and this season. We're doing the Advent Adventures still, doing a craft every night, making the Jesse ornaments, talking, listening, bonding, and growing in understanding and faith. She teaches me way more than I can ever teach her. I love this time, and can't wait for Val to be able to join in! I still feel I'm not doing enough (I had not planned on being this busy with prep work for next week...ugh!) so I still feel distracted....but...wait...this is only for SUCCESSES...so I'll stop babbling...

3. THIS explains in words and pictures some of my other successes this week, including getting over myself with Someone's help. :) That might be the best success of them all - hehe.

Other plans for today? BUSY! Lunch with Lovely at her school for their Christmas celebration before the holiday break with my parents, Val, and my sister! Then, this afternoon will be dinner and visiting with my old college roommate whom I have not seen in years because of current locations. It should be a day full of loving people - which is a win/win!!

Oh - for my own personal memories...I'm starting to really feel the baby move (I'm 18 weeks today!) and next Wednesday is the big ultrasound!!! I can't wait to see what precious blessing is inside!!!! I got to hear the heartbeat yesterday, and wow....so gratifying!!

Thankful Thursday
Today I'm thankful for....

1. a visit with an amazing girlfriend yesterday morning.
2. the healing power of forgiveness.
3. the kind words of acceptance from an amazing friend.
4. my faith.
5. my family.
6. the blessings I've been given that affirm me more than words ever can (if I can just remember that fact)!!!

Have a great day!!!

The Core (with pics for "Wordless Wednesday")

*** I started this before this Tuesday evening before I attended an Advent reflection and penance service.....*****

Ok - so I've had a blah day. I sometimes get too externally focused and care giving (or annoying). I'm blessed with people who love and accept me for me - but even when I try to change, sometimes I can't. I really need to stop worrying about details and plans, and just relax. I'm bummed at myself - no one else today. Maybe it is the bleak weather? Maybe it is baby hormones (I definitely have noticed a trend when watching my moods this year - pregnancy and breastfeeding seem correspond with my heightened anxieties. I had enjoyed such a strong summer and early fall and felt so strong....or maybe I'm just more tired and distracted from a more upward focus. Hmmmmm)? I need to get to the core again - get my focus back!

Anyways - I need a pick me up - so I think I'll post pics from our past few days! Nothing perks me up than seeing what really matters - and what I'm blessed with. I'm so rich!!!

Look who is starting to stand!! :) Almost 18 months old...

Lovely singing "O Come O Come Emmanuel" as we lit the 3rd candle on Sunday (she's SO into Advent!!!)

(Lovely and I)

(Valiant enjoying the candle light)

(Daddy and Lovely)

(Lovely decided she loved the part of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" where "Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap..." and noticed the "cap" in the book looked like her Santa hat. I found her yesterday morning asleep in her hat - she slept in it all night - soooo cute!)

(and of course, before we ate breakfast, she had to be a little elfish)

(and that smile reminds me what gifts God has given me!)

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Ok - so I wrote the top half in my more blah state. That evening (yesterday) was supposed to be a girl's night out at 8pm. It kinda fell apart - with some friends not being able to go, and everyone feeling the stress of prepping for Christmas. But, the falling through opened the door to something I needed more than I realized - the Advent Reflection and Penance service at my church.

I do love the ability I have to go to my church for Adoration and also Reconciliation. I admit I don't do either enough - I let "life" get in the way (excuses!) but when it becomes the priority like it should be - I go and get such peace!!! It feeds me even more than my personal reflection and prayer times that I do daily. So, why do I seem surprised when I walk out from that special time feeling whole and renewed? Time and forgiveness with the 'bestest' friend I'll ever have? Well, DUH!!! Of course I come out better!

That happened Tuesday (last) night, the night I needed it. The service was so nice, but of course the best part was the ability to examine my inner world, my secrets, my fallibility, and my need (whether I can fully admit it or not sometimes) for a Savior. While the dulcimer played on (go ahead, click the link, listen to the instrument and lovely music, and get an idea of what it was like to kneel, pray, sit, "be," ponder, do penance, and feel refreshed as it played quietly in the background) I stood in line with so many, confessed my sins and struggles (many repeated failings) and received guidance and absolution. I'm always especially moved at the Advent and Lenten Penance and Reflection services as I feel connected to my brothers and sisters in Christ as we all gather for the same cure for our thirst and hunger. I walked away lighter, freer, and prayed and did penance. I then sat for a good hour and listened. Not just to the music and gentle whispered murmurs of burdens and forgiveness filling the sanctuary - but to God in the core of my being. I was able to let my anxiety and worrying go, and was rearmed to continue fighting my inner voices and insecurities another day. I hope to carry that with me, and remember to refill more frequently than I've been letting myself. Sure I fall, but I need to forgive (or get over) myself and rearm and keep going. I have a greater purpose here with the time I'm given.

Now to keep remembering that :) hehe!

I'd love to say more, but, oye - it is late! Much love! Night!

Daybook Monday: Late Night Edition

Outside my window... dark and silent.

I am thinking…of how much I got done today, savored, and still need to do...

I am thankful for…for feeling so healthy again!!

From the kitchen… brown rice and "black of beans" (inside joke) for dinner!

I am wearing…socks, workout pants, t-shirt.

I am going...to bed soon.

I am reading...great blogs!!!

I am hoping…that I can get all I need to get done crafting and shopping wise while ENJOYING this time of preparation, penance, and waiting.

I am hearing...Joy Williams' Here With Us. So beautiful!!! I love this time of year!

I am creating…Christmas presents and crafts.

I am praying… for the intentions of MANY friends. I hope they know they have my love.

Around the house…trying to keep it clean! Organized! De-stressed. Not really working...lol!

One of my favorite things…just listening to seasonal music around the house...no TV, no news....just some peace that comes if you look for it this time of year. I need it - I'm fighting being anxious about Christmas preparation.

I am pondering... why am I still up? Oh yeah...I worked out late...3 mile walking DVD with upper body workout :) I needed it though hehe!

A few plans for the rest of the week…Mom's Night "In" at a friend's house with great friends, an Advent Reflection and Penance service, a playdate with our friends from our trip this summer on Wed, and Supper Club this Friday night. Oh yeah...and crafting, and doing Advent-y things with Lovely and Valiant to capture this season better!


A “picture thought” I’m sharing…

Lovely processing in for her school's Christmas Concert. The kids all did so well - and of course she is soooooo lovely :) hehe!!

Ok! Goodnight!