Lenten Lights

I have been far too quiet this Lent from really blogging the things that have touched me in my prayer and meditation time. I need to play some catch up, and Spring Break is allowing me that.

I will say, I have felt very much burdened by spiritual warfare this Lent. I have either felt overwhelmed at living my faith (HHS Mandate/discussing with friends who don't understand, March for Life, practicing forgiveness in my family, making time for God in Lent, making time to read and pray, to make it to Mass, to do our Lenten Family goals and sacrifices, offering up our current living conditions and TRYING to be at peace with God's timing and Will on moving) as well as experiencing extreme spiritual dryness - even as I go through the motions of Lent. I have been disheartened that this is my worst Lent ever, and it was the Lent I needed the most EVER. I think I had pretty high expectations, so when I stumbled, I was slow to get up.

I feel myself saying "if we only had more room, I could really do X, or feel X, and be excited, dedicated, or faithful" and then realize that I'm supposed to be joyful in God's presence at all times - not just when my life is where I think it should be to be joyful. I remind myself that joy is not the same as happiness (see my sidebar of favorite quotes for more on joy vs. happiness). My life is 10 times better than Job's was, and I find myself allowing the joy to be sucked away by Satan and "the world". Happiness is fleeting, joy...joy is eternal. Joy is the Holy Spirit.

So, in that spirit of reclaiming joy, as well as sacrificing and finding God more deeply this Lent, I want to share some of the "Lenten Lights" I have gleaned on my best, and worst, days this Lent.

From 3 Minute Retreat and Fr. James Martin, SJ:
 
 "Sometimes it’s hard not to fear. It seems like the reasonable and unavoidable thing to do: for example, if you get a bad diagnosis from the doctor, or lose a job, or hear a piece of terrible news. In these situations, I sometimes find myself trying to trust in God but failing. Fear gets the better of me. That’s when I find comfort in old adage from the Scottish philosopher John McMurray about real religion and false religion.

I’ll paraphrase: False religion says that if you believe in God, nothing bad will ever happen, so don’t worry. Real religion says that even if you believe in God, something bad might happen, but there’s no need to worry. In fearful times we tend to forget that God is right there with us, no matter what happens—through our friends, our families, even our doctors—and that God gives us all sorts of resources to deal with our problems and move through them, and if we’re lucky, past them. The key is remembering all this when the fear starts and focusing on the trust instead."
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"How important it is for us to be present to our blessings and give thanks to God for the opportunities of growth which we are constantly encountering." ~Jesuit Volunteer Corps
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"This Lenten season, how is God calling you to experience your faith in a deeper way? Can you place all your trust in the mystery and ambiguity of our God who cannot be outdone in generosity?" ~ Radmar Agana Jao for 3 Minute Retreat
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From The Little Black Book for Lent:

Reflecting on Mk 2:5 - Today we share in those same gifts of forgiveness and healing and we are invited to be instruments and healing for others. But everything doesn't always fit together like it should...we can be divided by arguments and disagreements...spouses may not be able to forgive each other and heal the divisions that develop in their relationship. Here's an intriguing thought: If I could, I know I would cure people of their physical ailments...anywhere, anytime. So why don't I forgive the people who need my forgiveness?
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Reflection on Mk 2:6-10: "At the time of Jesus, the Jews believed that God alone could forgive sins. However, there were two stipulations. First, you had to deserve the forgiveness. Secondly, God didn't forgive sins until future judgement. Until then, you had to live with your sins in expectation of future forgiveness.

Now Jesus comes along and gives forgiveness as a gift  to people who don't do anything in [articular to earn it, and to some who don't seem to deserve it. And he forgives HERE and NOW. That is why Jesus' statement in this Gospel is so important "...that you may believe the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins." I no longer have to live with sin. Jesus simply offers the gift of forgiveness to all who want it, including me. Am I ready to accept that forgiveness?"
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Reflection on Mk 2:11-12 (the paralytic on the mat): There is a connection between sin and paralysis...I have weaknesses to overcome. For example, perhaps I eat too much, drink too much, procrastinate, gossip, have a short temper. Perhaps I have a broken relationship I should do something about. Maybe I need to simply try to do more than just a mediocre job at my occupation. Maybe I need to get help in dealing with problems in my life.

Why don't I do something about these things? I've got the willpower when it comes to some things, but I can't seem to get anything moving in these other parts of my life.

It's like I am paralyzed.

Maybe I can ask Jesus not only to forgive my sins....but to heal my paralysis so I can do something about the parts of my life I want to change.
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Reflection on Mk 1:10: The heavens have opened up. The Spirit has descended upon Jesus...Through my baptism I've received the same Spirit...but the Spirit isn't in me just to stay there. Like Jesus, I am sent to breathe this Spirit upon the world in order to change the world for the better...

...I can breathe life.

With this Spirit comes the call to greatness. I'm still going to make mistakes. I'm still going to be whoever I am - impetuous, a person who gets angry, whatever. I'm not going to be faultless. But, I am called to be great - a great forgiver, a great life-giver to others. 

This Lent, I need to take another look at my life....and what I am breathing on my family, those around me, on my world. 
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Reflection on Mk 1:11: To have someone say :You are beloved Son, or Daughter" was a huge deal in Jesus' day. There were no paternity tests, no knowledge on reproduction. So, if a father declared, "This is my son," then this person was a member of that family and legally the son of that father.


Without question God has spoken those same words over me in baptism. The Spirit - the same Spirit that came upon Jesus - has come upon me in baptism...I am God's child. I have a God-given destiny. Imagine.
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Reflection on Mk 9:7: Like every life, my life has its ups and downs. The downs usually come without effort. But, that's not the case with going up the mountains of my life. The ups require effort. It's easier to coast down a hill than climb up...

But I need high mountains that take me to great heights and give me an experience of God that stays with me me long after I've come down from the mountain. 

I was never made just for the flat lands of small hills. 
I was made for the mountains.
My prayer is to have the stamina, the courage, the creativity to do what it takes to find the mountains and to climb them.
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Reflection on Mk 9:-8: The Transfiguration, this unplanned moment - even if it was scary at times - turned out to be a graced moment.

Jesus has many (seemingly) unplanned moments in His life. Yet these unplanned experiences turned out to be graced moments.

Maybe I need to change my attitude toward the unplanned things that break into my life - things that are not only unplanned but also interfere with plans I had made. A large number of unplanned events in my life aren't easy or even pleasant. Maybe I should try to see them as graced moments, times when the Lord is specially present to help me do something very good.
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Reflection on Mk 9:9: Peter and the disciples were caught up in the ecstasy of the transfiguration. They wanted to build tents and stay there. But Jesus leads them down the mountain and back to the real world. There would be many trials and much suffering before they would experience that glory once again. This is the progression of every Christian life: Faith, suffering, glory.

You can't have the glory without coming down from the mountain into the real world, where people are hungry and sick and lonely and mistreated. The way to glory is through frustrations, failures, and pain of following Christ in everyday life...and its the progression of my life too. 
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Reflection on Jn 2:19 (Jesus says destroy this temple and I will raise it up in 3 days): Everyone builds temples. Many of our temples are the plans we have made for ourselves and for our children. I build a lot of temples...my temples may also have to come down. This destruction can be difficult because I usually don't know why my plans have to be abandoned. I may not see how God has something much better planned for me.
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Reflection on Jn 3:18: Christianity is the only religion that sees the instrument by which itsfounder was killed as the centerpiece that expresses the heart of what its membership believes. 
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Reflection on Jn 12:24 and 26: When I choose a particular way of life or a specific path in life, I have to "die" to other paths that I might have chosen to follow. But if I choose to walk the path in life that the Lord has called me to walk, then my life will produce the most good...by responding to the Lord, I may have to "die" in some way...but the harvest of goodness will be great.  It's a choice I make every day.

Sometimes being a follower of Jesus means having the courage to die to some way of seeing things, to some ways of acting. But the point is not the dying itself - the point is the passage to something new and better.

It takes a dying, sometimes, of an old way of thinking or feeling in order to come to a new and better attitude in life.
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Reflection on Mk 14:22-25: Jesus is in Jerusalem (his last time) celebrating the feast of the Passover...during Lent [people can reflect on the 'Our Father' ]  when I pray the Our Father slowly, I am given a certain perspective on the kind of life I am supposed to life because of my baptism.

It is God's kingdom that I am trying to bring about.

It is God's will that I am trying to do.

I am asking for daily bread...not riches.

I mention my need to be forgiven...and I acknowledge that it depends on how I forgive others.

Praying the Our Father gives me perspective on how I'm to live my life. Have I allowed this prayer to give a certain perspective to everything I say and do in my life? Holy Week is a great time to think about this.
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Peace be with you this Holy Week. Thanks for praying for me. I am so praying for you!!