Also, I should note...these are our feelings, my feelings and perspective. Where I'm about to ramble can make people say "she's saying WHAT?!"
And EDITED to add to something Blair said....if it sounds like I'm trying to explain/rationalize/justify myself...I am. I have had some doubters in my family question, and I just feel like I need to explain - though I should not - but I'm always seeking affirmation in my family (I shouldn't) so yeah....this was me vs the voices in my head....(plus being a former teacher, knowing so many teachers, I feel guilty (!!!??) in a way thinking what I feel.
So tonight was "Curriculum Night" at Lovely's school. As nice as it was (it is a nice neighborhood school), Hubby and I kept making comments about nice homeschooling would be next year. Yes, faith is a HUGE factor for me...it's as natural as breathing to me, and I'd love to infuse it into our daily routine instead of just before and after school as it is currently. That goes without saying. It's also the fact that we (Hubby too) were feeling nudged just in things we were seeing and hearing academically. Again - great school, incredible staff, and we're enjoying the experience so far (her teacher is a dream and I could see our other kids doing K there, and boy do we LOVE walking there), and I have incredible friends who are and were teachers and made their classrooms incredible places (please don't ever think I'm not supporting their passion, I was a teacher too! My sister is an award winning public school teacher and a person I aspire to be - she's that awesome) - it was more in hearing music is one week a month, art is one week a month, recess is whenever they can squeeze it in, Lovely's too young for choir or the running club (she's mentioned wanting both). I should add, of course in her K class they do art and music everyday....I'm talking about a focused class with its own teacher; time to be creative in movement, music, and hands on art and where PE does not replace recess. Also, we just kept commenting how fabulous it would be for us to see her do it all these discoveries and creations. The K program seems pretty well rounded, but where we got the nudges was from grade 1 and up - the standards get strict for math and reading, and science and social studies get alternated - they just are not done as much so they can focus on other things...HELLO!! How is that molding minds ready for the future? How is music one week a month, or art one week a month helpful? I mean, really, helpful, to older kids. Children need more. How is skipping recess remotely good? I started seeing us making music in our living room, and art with our friends, taking a break from a frustrating lesson with a break to the backyard swing...and it just kept flowing...
I want more.
When they talked in the meeting about us coming for lunch - I was thinking of how she and I could MAKE lunch - along with all the fun in setting the table, (very Montessori) etc. Maybe even share with other friends co-oping the journey with us! When they talked about using touch boards and technology to explore geography - I thought about how nice a nature walk could simply be, seeing and touching and then taking what we EXPERIENCED to the computer and make something technological to practice those skills....but keeping in mind we FELT it first, SAW it first, SMELLED it first. Same as a museum - being there makes it POP! I LOVE technology. I taught high school for 7 years and loved having projectors (LCD) and the use of labs and the internet....it brought learning in the classroom alive, and yet, I loved escaping the florescent lights at the end of the day, walking to my car and feeling life outside. If given the choice, does one want to watch a lesson or experience it? Why make my lessons "come alive" if I can see them BE alive. I loved where I taught. I went there too...and I'd love it if my kids wanted to go there too - but to have a few years of learning with them, feeling the learning happen...wow. I pray I can do it next year.
Why? Even though it can be good....I just desire more.
And to top it all off...the freedom to just experience daily prayer, daily mass, or children bible stories in our day? That's awesome to me! That's awesome to Hubby. We get to do what we already do at home, and keep grooving with it. I love our teachers and schools, public and private, but I am saddened that the only time God enters Lovely's school day is one word in the Pledge. I'm sure someone could say - "send her to a Catholic school" and that is great, but then we're back to the whole nudging I feel to experience schooling more full bodied in faith, diversity, and one on one learning than in a classroom with a school bell in her childhood. Also something for us to consider - cost. Paying for it and me still being able to work less so I can spend time with our family more doesn't work either for me personally or economically. I about lost it trying to teach and be a mom. For me, it was too hard. Keep in mind...I taught in a Catholic High School and loved it. Incredible...I had the FREEDOM to pray, talk about the world and topics of all faiths and cultures that can't be mentioned in the public setting. I felt free to open doors in their minds all while ending the day with a Life Teen Mass. I'd go back there to teach in a heartbeat if I had to. I'd send my kids there if we could afford it, or I felt I could handle working and being a mom emotionally again. Great community, but I'm talking about the childhood years now and potentially beyond.
That said, I do love where Lovely is now (see, I'm complicated!). I simply feel called to take the reins (if I can...a whole other post would be my worries about pulling this off for my family) for the primary grades more so than preK and K. I have friends who have done amazing things in the public school realm. I also think in public school there is a richness of diversity that more matches the world our kids live in. Things that could be more fully experienced if the focus was not test scores, reading levels, and math achievements. Lovely doesn't even get handwriting lessons anymore, so where is the time to enjoy the beauty of what's around us, who's learning with us, what makes us the same, what makes us different and that we are together for a reason? The pressure on teachers to get them "ready" for a short term goal outweighs the bigger picture. My sister and friends who teach, or taught, public school I know were and are incredible! I think I did a great job the year I taught in the public realm and I wish I had done more years in the public realm for myself. Teaching is a vocation, an incredible, underestimated, and undervalued vocation. We're planted where we are needed and called for a greater purpose, so I'm not debating public vs private in terms of teachers - I'm just embracing the freedom I had when faith was allowed in the equation for so many discussions, topics, history, questioning, embracing the last 6 years I taught than the first. I'm also embracing the call to be the primary teacher for my children - which we are ALL called to be as parents, at a public or private school, and home school.
I just want more.
I just AM - I'm who I am, one who thinks about faith, loves spirituality in so many forms, delights in the innocence of the young and their blossoming faith as something so pure, something to be cherished, and I want to see those moments more. So we feel called to home school. I want to be there for the academic, and the spiritual. Plus, I want to be able to say Halloween, or all Soul's day, and not just "Fall Festival" while learning! I want What (Who) inspires us to be a part of our day.
That said, I love Pre K's, I love Kindergarten. I'm glad Lovely has had them and I want our future kids to enjoy them too. Moms need to trust that inner voice and follow the path that they are called to. I don't feel called right now for the early years (maybe cause of my background?) I think my friend Kris said, "you take it year by year, child by child." I know we'll do book based learning - probably a curriculum to help me out as well. I'd love to co-op! I want to blend Montessori (Lovely will be starting one aspect of that that I want to adapt at home as well by starting our parish's Montessori program, the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, in a few weeks) and Suzuki learning (both are incredible). It's just that having the opportunity to give it a try and be there for their learning - and the freedom to infuse our day with our faith - is my dream. And that dream was bolstered even more tonight.
I like what is, I like the different choices to learn, I like where I've taught and where Lovely currently is. I just want MORE.
Now, if I can just get past my worries about pulling it all off...hmmmmmmm. I need to put my $ (and *cough* a little faith) where my rambling blog typing fingers are. I just want to do and give MORE. I can't figure out how to say it succinctly and more clearly than that.
**********************************************
These stars are for new additions to this post, especially as I read comments. Melanie had two thoughts that rang with me, and I wanted to say 3 things:1) I agree - when one hears their teachers say "you have a great kid" or "we love having them in the classroom" or "they are the class motivator" it makes me want to be the one who sees that on a daily basis. Lovely is not usually grumpy after school, but I hear comments like this a lot and I wish I could see them unfold. Also, when she and I have done one on one learning before, she shows a whole new side with me...and really loves it. It makes me feel good about aiming to do this. That and the fact she asks to do it every other day or so. Her best friend does it, and she has seen it in action, and even at almost 6 - she can state it. We'll see what she says closer to 1st grade, but right now, she does love the idea even as she loves going to K.
2) I do hope my teacher friends know that I am totally supportive of the work they do. One day I may even go back to teaching high school. When trying to organize thoughts it can look like I'm dissing a system, or them. I'm trying to say that each part (public, private, Catholic) contributes to an incredible "big picture". I just want to have a shot at bringing all that together and having the big picture at home. And of course, schooling at home can seem like just another part of the big picture - and I'm trying to figure out how to word my feelings and goals to show how I see homeschooling bridging a lot of those areas and creating a lot of freedom and faith growing and incredible moments for us both.
3) I do have fears. I want to balance out her social experiences, I want to keep our relationship safe (not fighting each other when we learn). I just want to give it a try and see where it goes.....year by year...step by step.
.jpg)
+-+Copy.jpg)
.jpg)
+-+Copy.jpg)
.JPG)
.jpg)
Wow! I can totally relate to you your conflicted feelings about HSing. I flip-flopped for a year on this issue. My kids have had some great teachers, and there is a lot I've loved about public school. It was difficult for me to leave.
ReplyDeleteI had written a post a while back and then took it down for a bit b/c I was afraid of offending some of my good friends who teach in PS. I just put it back up so you can see some of the reasons why we ultimately made the choice we did. Here's a link:
http://otherwiseeducating.blogspot.com/2009/08/big-question.html
One thing I haven't written about on the blog that really played into my decision to HS our younger children is that I would hear the teachers talk about what fun, cool, interesting children we had. I felt like I didn't get to experience that part of them once they were in school and I wanted to. By the time they got home in the afternoon, they were tired and cranky. Sadly, we weren't enjoying each other that much. I had been reduced to the chauffeur, cook and referee. I just wanted more than that. Selfish? Maybe. But you know, God gave these children to my husband and me. Why should I feel compelled to send them away 7 hours a day so someone else could experience the amazing little people they are?
My good friend and neighbor shared a quote with me when I was so conflicted about this. It really made an impact. I think it's from Mark Twain.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn' t do than by the ones you did do."
Follow your heart. :-)
I totally get where you are coming from. I would LOVE to HS my oldest daughter, but my husband is firmly against it because the family we knew who did HS their kids was "weird" in his opinion. I know that my children could learn more and have an academic experience that is more enriching at home. It's really hard to teach a child the things you feel she's missing at school after she's spent 6 1/2 hours in a classroom constricted by tons of rules.
ReplyDeleteOh, Becca - I have SOOOO much to say about this!! So, I'll sum it up by saying - listen, listen, listen to God's call in your heart!! It's so strong right now, and he's clearly telling you something! As a mom who has run the gamit of schooling and homeschooling, and as much as we can have a really frustrating day sometimes, I would not change this time with them for anything. As I'm looking at Josh getting ready to go off to Pius (potentially) next year, it's breaking my heart a little to let him go!! I have had time with him and experiences with him that I would never have had if he had been in school for middle school. I feel so much more connected to him than I would have otherwise. You know you can always come here and have a LONG chat about all of this and take a look at what we do, so you can decide if it's the right thing for you, too.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that if you do it RIGHT - follow a curriculum plan, keep Lovely involved with lots of other kids (some who are also HS & some who are traditionally schooled), PRAY, and pray more - you can pull it off. You are already a teacher, so you know the foundations of Best Practices. You could do an amazing job. Imagine our children growing up without the stress of bells telling them when to change a class or move to the next subject. Imagine teaching a unit on Great American Landmarks & then planning a trip to the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone. The possibilities are endless & exciting.
ReplyDeleteI'll continue to pray for you while you discern the best course - though it seems that God is talking to you very clearly and giving you a plan & a dream.
As a former Catholic School K & first grade teacher, I have a lot of resources. They are all at your disposal as long as you need them!
big steps, mama. i don't have nearly as much to say as your earlier commenters... for me, homeschooling is not an option. i don't know if i would consider it even if it was an option. i have seen, however, my s-i-l get very frustrated when the public schools could not meet the needs of her daughter. i think we need to do what is best for our children. if we pray, analyze, research, and talk about our ideas then come to educated decisions, then we are doing right by our children.
ReplyDeletegood luck on your journey. and know that i do know a *little* about educating elementary children, if you ever need some suggestions.
big hugs!
Wow! How amazing! I have given some thought to homeschooling, I just don't know that I am meant to be a teacher. Not to Brendan in that way. He does much better for others than for me. I think he and I are too much alike.
ReplyDeleteI think about the faith issues, too. I wish we could afford Catholic school, but unless I go back to work full-time, it's not in the cards right now. He is doing the Good Shepherd class and LOVES IT! We'll be there on Thursdays this fall!
I really admire those who can homeschool and I think you'd be amazing at it.
What I wonder is how does one homeschool and keep house and do anything else that is required of you? I guess you have to be very disciplined.
I feel the same way! That's why we are h/s through at least elementary school-- even though my husband is a wonderful teacher at a wonderful Christian, private school here in town. We do get odd looks when people hear that S is not going to "his" school, but it's just our thing. It's who we are. We Home School.
ReplyDeleteI highly recommend the Classical Schooling Method, when you start looking into curriculum. As a fellow Suzuki Teacher, it really rang a bell with me. We use several different Classical curriculum in several subjects. I've got a post coming up about this :)
Wow, it truly seems like it's on your heart to homeschool! Just remember that you can always pull her out and try it. I know as a former teacher and with family members and friends who teach, we sometimes feel like we have to justify our decisions and have it "all-together". But in the end, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone! God will bless your efforts.
ReplyDeleteHomeschooling isn't perfect. We have our bad days and it's a lot of work for mom without many breaks. But in the end, we know we're where God wants us to be, at home learning together. And really for kindergarten, direct instruction was only 30-45 minutes a day! Oh, and check this sweet post for a link to a great little simple program idea for teaching your little ones (I'm going to try it starting on Monday)!
http://showerofroses.com/2009/08/highlights-from-week.html
I'd suggest joining your local homeschool group and attending some activities when you're able. I have a friend who spent all last year preparing for homeschooling this year (she'd already paid Catholic school tuition), they came to our nature/park days and sometimes she pulled her kids out to attend homeschool events. Then you can get to know the other families and get some great ideas for what things you'd like to do!
Praying for you on this journey. It's an exciting one!
Thank you all - wow, I have so much to write about and respond to in the weeks to come. I so appreciate ALL these comments. Thank you. Even if homeschool isn't your bag, you took the time to say something of great value, and I appreciate the wisdom and food for thought (My "Edited to Add" is not directed at anyone here, that's for sure).
ReplyDeleteI am really listening...I feel and hear the call to this. Will I follow? I pray so. I want to. It has been so freeing to lay all my strangled thoughts on the blog and set them free.
Thanks for your prayers, ideas, resources, and offers of help. I can say two amazing teacher friends posted to me...and they do incredible, award winning work. I hope you know you always have my support....
Much love. Can't wait to read and write more!
Kris....are there words to thank you? I so appreciate your perspective (for both types of learning), encouragement, and patience with me. I look forward to our talk!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. As a homeschooling mom, I can tell you I started out with many of the same feelings. I think that your friend said it best when she said that you take it child by child year by year. The nice thing is that no matter what you choice you make (homeschool or school) your child will be learning, creating and growing. It is all good.
ReplyDeleteI do love homeschooling. I often think about how much I would miss my children if they were in school for most of the day. They are only little for so long and it goes by so quickly. For us, homeschooling is the best.
Sending you much encouragement for your journey into the great and wonderful world of learning.
Hey, I'm catching up with my blog reading...
ReplyDeleteAs with so many heartfelt things, we're feeling so much of the same things. Even though I am doing HS, I still doubt myself. I worry that even though we are doing some things beyond kindergarten, that we'll skip something important. I know it's not likely, but I still worry about it, just as I still have dreams about being late for school or that I didn't really graduate etc. And it is hard. AT has always resisted writing practice, even though she started writing letters on her own at age 2, I found myself saying to her today "If you can't do your school work when you're at home with me, then I'll have to send you to school" but really that was only a suitable threat because of her personality. She's simply not ready to be in that environment. But it's also great when you discover they already know something or see the light on their face when they figure something out. If we can make it through the few lines of writing each morning - we're good to go! And yes, the actual schooling doesn't take very long. It's amazingly short when you cut out all the group time spent switching subjects, walking in halls, passing out materials, checking on all the other students etc.
I could say more but I'm being called to Mom duty!