Another...

...update is posted here. I am trying to play catch up with our last week, and this past school year. Blogging our pictures and stuff keeps me inspired when other days are more hard.

In looking for pictures, I'm reminded how behind I am here with birthday pics, holidays, etc. I need to get better at recording our lives here!

Thanks for reading!

Updates on the Homeschool Front...

Hey! Well, in the last week, I've updated my homeschool blog (2 posts worth - I am SO BEHIND there. I have so many things to document!). Come check it out! Here is a sneak peak to make you come see!

HINT: Look at Gift's arm!!

View From The Top

Visiting one of our favorite places today...

 

It was the type of day you savor you and your family being healthy, having good eyesight, hearing, and gratitude for this life - and not taking it for granted. We are so very blessed.

Interesting Song, Interesting Lyrics

I have someone in my life that this song reminds me of. And NO, this song is NOT about my husband or any ex-boyfriend or man in my life!!! It is about someone who I have known for years. It is pretty telling. I have to pray about these lyrics (well, not the "kissing" ones, lol), my feelings inside, and the situation. I'm not so sure I've grown, as the song says, "strong enough" to avoid getting scarred by this person. Pray along with me for this intention?



Jar of Hearts

Songwriters: LAWRENCE, DREW C. / PERRI, CHRISTINA JUDITH / YERETSIAN, BARRETT NOUBAR

No, I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half a life
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

[Chorus: x2]
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Grab the Grace...and the Dream...

So, I posted on my house grief yesterday. And, while I'm still acknowledging the sting and pain of that loss - it is always amazing how God redeems my situation - even for a moment. It refreshes me when I can grab some grace!

If you read my post, and saw my reflections of my house - you know how much I LOVED and was refreshed by our backyard. Nature just feeds my family. With spring arriving, I mourn the lack of  green space for my children outside our door.

We don't really have green space at our complex. But, today...God revealed His beauty is everywhere...

...if you just are open to seeing it...

...and you can take a few moments to savor it as you head out dressed for an Irish Step dance event...

....to just STOP. Take a moment.....

 

...to grab some grace...

...and simply BE exuberant... 

~~~

....and try to remember not to judge the person, place, or thing your grace and beauty comes in...

Yes...this is where my daughter was blowing dandelions in those pictures. Amazing what you can overlook if you allow yourself. Surprised?

...because it just may be a narrow patch of green space dotted by dandelions, by a parking lot, and a smelly trash dumpster, and an old fence, and by a an old tire heap by your resident building...

...and it is still beautiful because God made it that way for his beloved children to see...

~~~

...the grace is there...just grab it...

I think, for a few minutes, after-dropping-off-the-trash-bags-at-the-dumpster-on-our-way-to-Irish-Step-that-made-me-notice-the patch-of-dandelions-by-the-tree, my heart not only not only came back "home" - it helped me see my real home, my home with God. For a moment, I saw beauty among the muck and trash of man's flawed earth. Grace came, and I grabbed it.

For a moment, I saw that I'm still a thing of beauty amid the trash, muck, stress, and messes of our life following what society sees as a failure. A big financial and personal failure.  A family destroying failure. I'm not as marked by that scandalous failure as I feel I am. It's just up to me to grab the Grace and dream again.

I'll falter. I'll fall in recovering - but like my daughter did today, I'll make a wish and dream again, and remember beauty is everywhere if we are just open to it for one small moment. Especially as we take out the trash in our homes...and our hearts.

House Dreams

I have been having crazy dreams the last few nights.

Before I tell you about them, I want to let you know that our old house sold. There is a new family in OUR the house. On one hand, I'm glad it was only empty a few months (I'd like to think that is because we took such good care of it and left it carefully too) because that is good for our neighbors with a foreclosed house in their midst. It sold the day the bank auctioned it in September, and the buyer simply resold it for a profit. I've heard bits and pieces about the family that has moved in it.

From all appearances, it seems to be a single mother and her two children.  How courageous of her to buy a foreclosure because they can be such a money pit! I pray our home was a wonderful surprise to her and its "good bones" provide a blessed shelter to her and her family as it did to us as our first real home. I wish them well, very much.

That said...I'd give almost anything to have it back...I loved LOVE that house!

(Click on words to visit various pictures if you wish - just scroll through the old posts to see them)

I loved all the wood details our home has - original hardwood floors, a sweet chair rail up the stairs and the upstairs hallway with great older home details. I loved our fireplace! I loved the creaking floor and the brick outside.  I loved having an entry way by the front door to welcome guests. We had an incredible backyard. We made so many treasured memories in our back yard. I loved the projects we did manage to accomplish around the the house amid having babies, homeschooling, and lots of long work days!  It is the first home our children will remember or were born into.

I loved my children had a magical place to be children, with friends, and alone:

Even little Gift made it in the picture above - check the door!

A rainy day CHEERS!!!! What rich blessings these moments are...

I will struggle with letting go of my first real domestic haven, my domestic church playground. I have been reminded that what really matters in this life is the family God has blessed me with. The rest is material (well, my head gets that...my heart is struggling to play catch up). Just as the church is the Body of Christ, my domestic church is my amazing family, not the house. While we will put down roots again, I will always treasure this reminder that family is first before anything else.

It will just be hard to move on from such a cherished vessel for my family. Sigh. But I know God has wonderful plans for us. 

Oh - I mentioned I've been having crazy house dreams! Goodness, have I. I can tell it is totally me finally processing our house loss now that the new family has moved in. I had told my friends that I had a feeling the grief would hit when someone finally moved in. After we moved out, we actually had access to it before the locks were changed for a few weeks (so much for the Monday deadline they gave. Ugh). Hubby and I did yard work a few times to keep it looking good for the neighbors. I made sure I said goodbye (a few times) inside the house. After the house was locked by the bank, I sometimes would wander into the back yard. I'm sentimental that way. I would just savor hearing the trees I loved whistle in the breeze, with the soft rustling of the leaves. I would sit in the grass. I even brought little Gift a few times to wander in the back yard since we were thrust out before he could really enjoy the yard as a toddler. I wanted him to create some moments there. I took pictures, but I'm not ready to share them yet. I would think back on fond memories and pretend I was back enjoying the closeness of our housing location with S next door, right through the fence. I whispered many silent goodbyes with a lumpy throat...

As of this week, I can no longer do any of that. With this family officially moving in, it now feels official. Tears come at odd moments. Because we still are at S's house for playdates, I see the house often, and see the changes this family is making. It's odd - I both like being able to witness the changes (I like when S txt's me updates), and seeing them makes me sad. Especially since they are making some changes that offer more protection to the house, but seem to make it feel less welcoming/ready to open its arms. Windows are shuttered that were not before...it is strange for me to see when I pull in S' driveway! For the new owners, they are simply making it home (and remember - she is a single mom - she has to be safe!). It's just so much to take in for my heart.

So...I KNOW this is all leading to the dreams. I've had about 3 big dreams I can remember vividly. All 3 of the dreams involve us realizing things we owned were left in the house and Hubby and I are sneaking in to get our stuff when the new owners (who, by the way, are NEVER the people who have moved in!) are gone. Mind you, nothing was left in the house. Our friends packed us well! Movers came to move us out. But the dreams are almost comical.

Dream 1 - We find ourselves missing key items in our current condo. We drive back to the house and look into the windows. We see the new owners using our table, chairs, couches, etc.  We then break in to get these items back - because they bought our house, not our stuff! It is dark when we lug things out of our house...

Dream 2 - The night of the time change I had this dream. Much of the dream takes place in the later evening with the extended daylight granted us in "Springing Ahead". We learn an older couple has moved into the house. Around this time I get this feeling we left something. So, Hubby and I find we can enter the back door, and we go to the master bedroom. There we find all my school year books on my old dresser. So, we struggle to get these out of the house before they get home. Of course, it seems I have 1000 yearbooks. They catch us, and we try to explain our actions. I have no idea what happened after that...lol I forget...

Dream 3 - This was last night's dream. I dreamed that the family who moved in our home was the former YAM minister in our city I knew over 10 years ago. She apparently has been living in our home a while, long enough to turn the front yard into an English garden, and add a huge fountain and garden in the back yard. She also had gotten to know all my friends. I swear, this dream was packed with friends from all walks of my life. She was hosting a birthday party for her son, so all my friends were there, and I was invited as well. As the dream went on, the house became less and less like my house, as I would discover the addition of 2 grand staircases, and a basement. I remember walking through the house seeing all the changes (floor to ceiling wallpaper, curtains, etc) and missing how we had decorated. It's decor was very French. Then I heard my friends all saying how amazed they were that I had come to the party and faced my old home! Then, in the funniest part of the dream, I ended up in the basement with owner's grandfather. He was surrounded by much of our stuff  that was accidentally left behind- smaller things like decorative boxes (which I've never had, BTW), books, chairs, and other decorative items. I spend the remainder of the dream/birthday party stealing back my stuff when I think no one is looking, (under my shirt at times!) taking it back to my car. I remember dragging away lawn chairs as people stood up from them and taking them to my car. ROTF!!! The owner caught me, and I think we made some sort of deal for our stuff...

Anyone want to be a dream reader? LOL! What do my dreams mean? HA!

So, I'm having house dreams. I know home is where the heart is. We've grown so much in this process, and have been so blessed to rebuild in our condo, but I think for a few days - my heart is where my home was. And, I think as long as it comes back - it's 'ok' for it to visit the old 'hood for a few days of remembrance.


Dearest heart and restless spirit - come "home" soon....

 Perfection in Triplicate - The children enjoying a gorgeous fall morning

under one of our favorite trees in our treasured back yard. This will be 

a place my mind will always return and remember the rustling leaves, grass

bowing to the wind, sun on our faces, and how refreshed our souls were

surrounded seasonally by the nature in our backyard.  It will always

be a peaceful and "safe" place in my mind and heart. 

"Let the Children Come to Me..."

I LOVE this quote from Matthew Warner:

"Children are "the sound of a living, breathing, growing Church." ~ Matthew Warner

See more of his fantastic must read here. 

I know there are many denominations who have different ideas about children and worship. I can understand. I've grown up experiencing them all - since my family of origin was Catholic and Baptist.

Many churches prefer children in programs during the main worship time. Here is a post on that subject from Nathan Lawrenson (CF Husband) on his worship blog, from 2010, where I engaged him in friendly 'dialoguing disagreement',  but could appreciate his viewpoints all the same because so many share his views - and we struggle with them in my Catholic denomination. (Clarification: I am also not saying children should run wild, which can happen in cry rooms or in a sanctuary! We need to be respectful and teach our little ones to be respectful. But we should have patience for the little ones in training and their parents who are trying.) I can appreciate those ideas to a point (and I will say many churches have fantastic programs. I know because I have used them as a visitor. I think our Church could always stand to improve youth ministry and I'm grateful for apostolates and their help in that area), but I prefer how our church does the 9am Mass.  We start off together, then the children go to their own liturgy, then return to their parents after the bible readings and sermon/homily for Communion. Our church does not have a cry room, and I'm actually glad for that. My personal opinion is that cry rooms tend to relax parents so much that it becomes a nursery, not a place to allow for a weeping child to go get calm, or a child to learn to participate respectfully with parents who are trying to focus. But, if you like them - I'm glad your church has them, lol!

Going back to what I love about our Mass. If we didn't have that Children's Liturgy option, I would prefer my children be with our family versus gone the whole time. And, it isn't because of what Nathan said in the comment section of his post:

"Let me also add that I do believe that there are certainly times when families can and should worship together. But, if you choose to make Sunday morning that time for your family, what are you doing with the rest of the week?"

My family does spend a lot of time in worship together during the week by praying, singing, sharing, or learning together. But, it is the coming together in Communion (there is a nod to "community" there in the name) that we can't get at any other time during the week, unless it is at daily Mass which can be hard for families to attend with work, etc. We are called to be the one Body of Christ and the branches (John 15:5) of the vine.

I think it also speaks volumes on how welcome a family can feel at a new church if their children can sit with them if they are not comfortable dropping them off at a nursery, Children's Liturgy,  or program on their first visit, and are allowed to do so in any denomination. 

My parish also has several children and adults with special needs who do yell out, or make sounds or squeals during Mass. It makes me feel so utterly grateful to be a part of a church who lets them have a place "at table" (and please do not think I am saying that other groups do not allow those with special needs attend!!! I am just saying I love the inclusion I can see at my own church and I'm grateful for it first hand).

That said, I am also grateful for a nursery for my youngest so I can work with Valiant on her Mass participation more clearly. I am just grateful it is viewed as an option, not an expectation.

How do you feel about Matthew Warner's article? Or, are you more in alignment with Nathan Lawrenson's post? What has shaped how you feel about it?

Bless you!!!

 ** Read my first comment under this post for another viewpoint**