Big Day!

 **Well, hmmm. I should note that for us PROFESSIONALLY, the below comments about our therapist did not last. We were not a match past first impressions sadly, as recorded below. :( **


Can I get an AMEN??!! Today we had our first marriage counseling appointment!!!!

Things changed from this post. I chalk it up to prayers, a great support network in the friends we have, and of course - God. But the day after I poured out my heart in that post, I went to my sister's home to enjoy some time with her and our kids together. I received a text from Hubby that he had made the call himself to the therapist that was recommended to us. I was overjoyed!!

So, we went today and will be going weekly. It went so well today. It was, of course, the "get to know us and the issues" meeting - but there was an instant connection with each other. I'll call her Dr. S. She was warm, caring, knowledgeable, yet challenging. She went deep into our pasts and looked at family relationships and other things that would have an impact on us today, and asked us both to share about the situation or things that led us to therapy. Just covering those two topics alone I think gave her great insight to how we got to this point! HA! It is amazing how much one's parent(s) can impact your life. It scares me to think what kind of parent I am. Do I match up with what I aim to be - what I think I am? And, while we all are told in pre-marital counseling how much finances impact relationships, I think sometimes some of us are more naive to that point than others.....ahem. *wink.

The other great thing is that she works with Catholic Charities - so she holds similar values. She would never force those values on anyone (she is so nice, that if we continue to like her and our sessions, I'll recommend her to anyone I know having issues. She is paid on a sliding scale which helps so much!). That said, it helped the connection I think in her understanding where we were coming from. I don't get that as much with the "through our insurance" therapist I am seeing personally until the end of this year.

So - it was a BIG day! I came home more hopeful and happy than I have been in WEEKS.We have homework to do before our next session, which is great. Between her, our financial whiz, and some helpful friends, we have a great map for the road ahead. Keep praying for us!!

To that end - want to try something with me? I'm a bit late on posting this as we will start this today (Monday), but I want to try a novena to pray for our situation. The Novena to St. Jude fit the bill. It gives Hubby and I something concrete to pray together on. Also, we are collecting intentions we can pray for in addition to our own - whatever we can do to pay it forward. If you want to list your prayer intentions or email me (see sidebar), please do!


If you want join us - our prayer intentions are:
1) Complete healing to our marriage as we start this counseling and hard work to get back to "us".
2) Peace in dealing with our families as they struggle to accept what is.
3) Clarity in what we are to do housing wise long term - what is best for our family?

Thanks so much. Thanks for joining me on this journey of hope!

Advent 2011

Blessed Advent!!!

Advent has started and with it, a renewed focus on faith, words of hope, and promise of a Savior. I have felt all those things, and AMEN to that!!

My family went to church separately, due to illnesses and such, so Lovely went later in the evening with her dad to the cathedral. Here she is, in the outfit she picked out because it was the color of the season lol! I love it! She's holding her new Mass booklet too before she heads out of her room.

 

Nothing can renew one's faith than seeing the faith, and love of that faith, of a child!

Our Advent plans include Advent Adventures, a children's liturgical tea with a dear friend and her family and friends, and the wonderful family and church traditions such as the Advent wreath, Jesse tree, books, bible stories, church penance service, movies, and TV specials. Our home will be filled with preparation, meditation, prayer, and JOY.

What are your plans this Advent?

Much love!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving Dear, Dear Ones!

Instead of leaving the below post up here first, I wanted to leave something a little more positive. If you can watch this seconds long clip, please do. It explains how I feel this Thanksgiving Day and my family - despite all of our broken, flawed chaos of late:



We are still good. We feel small, but we know we are not. We are flawed, broken, but still good. God IS good, and we know He made us and has us in His hands, so we will better than good again. I LOVE my family. We won't leave anyone behind. Our marriage vows will not be forgotten. OHANA!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!
Much love to you and yours!  
OHANA!

Thanksgiving...

Well, I've fallen behind here some. Honestly - it is a mix of being really busy, trying to make sure we are doing what we are supposed to be doing to rebuild (in the evening when the kids go to bed - we have a friend guiding us with some steps to make until we can get professional help), home schooling, and spending some time with family.

On the marriage front - well, we are struggling. Well, I am. I know he is so sorry for how things happened, and how things are now with how we are living day to day, but from what I've asked and gathered from his answers, he isn't feeling the pain and loneliness I am feeling. I can't speak for him though. I know he must be feeling a million different things, and he's never been the talker I am. But, each day I find myself more down. The time change has not helped me at all. Darkness at 5:30pm? Not helping my soul. I'm VERY sad. Very depressed about the lack of improvement, and very tired. I am praying though. I know once progress is made things WILL be better, so I'm holding out.

We need marriage counseling. He wants to wait for January when it is covered by insurance. I wanted it two months ago - willing to pay anything. So, things are at a standstill. He obviously feels waiting will be ok - I feel it is crushing me. It's really hard to see eye to eye. I see therapy as an investment in us. So, please keep praying for us. Also - please don't judge him. We are good people stuck in a bad cycle. Just keep praying for him especially and for me. I really mourn the loss of respect and love he no longer has in our family circles (parents, siblings, etc), and that adds to my personal stress and sadness.

On the foreclosure side of things - things are looking up. The house appears to have been sold at auction already, is now on the market by that person/group, and the 30 days passed where the bank could have come after us for the remainder. Obviously, they wrote us off. Also, thanks to the digging and help from friends - it appears we will not get taxed on what was owed. The bad economy and foreclosures everywhere have changed tax laws through 2013. So, we are blessed there too. Now we just have to pay back past debt that accrued and some past bills affected by Hubby's health and lack of paycheck.

How am I doing? Well - still waiting for my therapist to have an opening. I'm scheduled for next week...but nothing sooner has opened. I'm losing confidence in myself, staying strong for us all in the barrage of opinions and comments about hubby and our situation. I feel as if I am letting everyone down, and myself down. I feel I am letting my kids down. I am in a weird place faith wise - I  KNOW God is HERE, carrying me - yet I feel so lonely. I know He is working His plan, but I feel so empty. It's so weird. I'm not questioning God at all, but I feel so depressed. I have been craving Advent to start, yet have very little energy to jump into the graces that come with Advent. I so need this time for my soul though, and I know joy in the season will come to me.

On the upside - I've spent some time with my sister. I love her! She is so kind. She also took me to get my hair cut/styled, and new clothes. So...here is the new me....(honestly, I needed it. With clothes lost in storage, and me not really doing anything with my face and hair - this was a needed boost to encourage me to take care of the life God gave me. It's so easy to wallow without even realizing it!).

That is the Holy Spirit smiling for me....totally. God gifted me the grace to smile in my crosses my whole life. I'm so grateful - I just wish my spirit matched my smile. But, this week is Thanksgiving, and I have so much to be grateful for.

So, I choose to close this post joyfully. I won't let this world steal joy from me. We are off from school this week, which ROCKS! I can enjoy family time, and a meal on Thanksgiving Day at my parents retirement center we don't have to cook. I have a PJ lazy day scheduled for Friday. I will ready my home for Advent this weekend. God is GOOD and this cup shall pass. I will embrace this week before it is gone, and back to the grind of schedules.

Writing that paragraph made me feel a little better. On that note - I wish you all reading a HAPPY THANKSGIVING and much love and joy to your family. I have so much gratitude in my heart for my family, and yours. Love, love, LOVE!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

Potential

In all this STRESS, in all this pain, in all this anger, in all this WORK - one can easily forget one thing: POTENTIAL.

Once Hubby and I really, and I mean, REALLY work hard on our rebuilding and healing, we have the POTENTIAL to be stronger than ever, and create a foundation and habit of continued strength. What hope, what a goal.

Potential. What a redeeming idea in tough times.

I just need to remember it, and cling to it. It was my commission, was it not? All our ours.

How do you live up to your potential in tough or lean times?

How does it work?

Hey Readers out there!

I am trying to learn about the situation we are in. What do you know about foreclosures? What happens after one has to vacate? What does the bank do now? What happens when the property sells? What part have we still to play?

I am looking things up and being told things...some scary, much confusing. I would love your knowledge!

Thanks!

Surely Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow Me...

Well, today was a surprising day. Good in all the needed worldly ways!

While emotionally we are rebuilding, we could meet with our financial guy now that pay is finally starting to come in (yay paycheck in mail!) And....we are surprisingly good.

Our guy (very qualified) was actually impressed (as one can be in a foreclosure situation). The house seemed to be the "problem" with its age, needed repairs, utilities mounting up, rising taxes and falling value, and Hubby's emergency surgery last month. BUT, as long as we live small for a while, maybe me babysit or tutor some, and increasing our music gigs, we should be fine paying our bills and living and saving. We have no car payments, no school loans, and Hubby's credit card debt is small compared to other similar situations (and accumalated trying to save house only). Our guy was actually surprised for us all and figured Hubby's credit cards would be paid off in 2-3 years. I was shocked. I expected I needed to teach full time again with the kids in daycare and school like "yesterday" and Hubby was scared he had ruined us. Dear Lord, economics is a weird thing. Oh, but God IS good!

I think we will stay put in our condo for a year - more on this after we meet more in Dec with our guy to be sure and discuss pros and cons and a plan for the future - but its rent is what is saving us and will get us ahead, and we prefer our family structure over a fast track to a large space both of us have to support with daycare costs. I do want a yard again.....just for the kids. But we will pray about that. Oh yeah...one more bedroom for the baby too - ha! But presently, it works well enough. Bring on the savings!

I will note - I will work full time if needed and daycare can be covered. For now, there is no rush (which surprises me) to do that route.

Also, for all my anger at Hubby for hiding this and the failure of it all - it was stated tonight while his methods were not good - he managed to keep the debt down shouldering/hiding this from everyone, and really helped us be in this position after the fallout. So, I guess I need to cough up some understanding and grant some mercy....as mercy has been given to me and my kids, and Hubby too.

I also need to admit what I have done too. This is a two way street.
Sleep will help...so off I go. Thank you for the prayers, support, food, and love!

Thank GOD that Hubby has a job! Amen!!