Can't sleep so...maybe writing will tire me?

It's almost 5am, but I've slept little. I'm thinking I timed getting started on me (again) well, as last night/tonight I've just felt sick to my stomach like the night before a big test. I totally have random, racing thoughts, and before midnight I had to get up an get online to distract myself from feeling a threatening panic attack (had one full blown attack in college, and a 50% "almost there" one in September). I'm REALLY about done with all this.

My appointment yesterday went well. It was mostly just an assessment for the doctor to have all information next week. It was nice to talk a bit. We'll see where it goes for net week. But, if I keep feeling like this all day today...I'm calling. I would like to NOT do that, so prayers for calm, peace would be appreciated.

I've been doing a LOT around here the last few days. So, I'm more tired. We have a family event for Mother's Day/Gift's upcoming 3rd birthday at my sister's house this Saturday on my mind, and a busy Sunday. I'm already exhausted thinking about it.

My house is a wreck. Laundry is piling up, and so are the thoughts in my brain. I haven't read to my kids in a few days. Lovely has read to her siblings some, and audio books or the audio on our e-reader has been my substitute. I totally forgot Lovely had art yesterday (overlapping with my appointment) and the teacher was txting me looking for her. We've been late a LOT at preschool drop off. I can't move us along fast enough to leave on time. It's ALL me. Ugh. I have not been on my A game in a while. OH! And when dumb me decided to do some new haircuts for a Mother's day surprise (see below), Gift's TRIM became a major cut. All curls gone. I was really emotional. He's still adorable...but...he's not fully my Gift right now as I get used to it. Most likely, I'll grow it out some and see if any of the curls return. If they don't, he's now a short haired kid. If they return...you better bet he''ll be sporting a fuller head of hair! I love short hair on boys (and it wasn't like his hair was to his shoulders!!)...but I feel childhood is a flexible time - too shortlived to worry about certain details if a child is gifted with certain features that are brief in childhood - like CURLS.

But, the highlight reel of my day yesterday related to the 'Shorn Samson' my son became? A friend offered to take pictures of my children. At first, it was just a couple of head shots of Lovely and Gift to go along/mimic the outdoor school pictures of Valiant so my mom and sister could have some up to date pictures of them. Then, it grew from there. "How about in exchange for babysitting, I take a bunch more and practice my skills and use them for a possible portfolio in the future?" Ummmmm, yes please! We were there over an hour, taking pictures on their lovely (and much larger that I thought) property (well, part of it wasn't theirs, but that part it is an abandoned lot with a field). It was literally an "over the river and through the woods..." (that song in your heads now?) experience and she was awesome!!! It was a trip though. We have 6 kids between us, most very small, and I got to carry her sweet 18th month old on my hip a lot. B and I both got a workout yesterday getting these pictures made! I can't WAIT to see them! She literally got into the mud for them! One thing I thought to do was bring along Lovely's lovey...her favorite stuffed animal she sleeps with for security and plays with during the day. She's 9.5 and still loves this thing...but for how long? I decided since I never thought about doing it when she was younger, to grab a few shots with "Horsey" while we still could. We'll see if that paid off.

So...hmmmm...that's about it. Now it is 5:12, and I'm more awake than ever. I do feel better though. Maybe I can try and sleep...or read? Anyways...I wish you a GREAT day. We're going to make it a good one here! I'll just try not to get anxious about making cupcakes and side dishes to take tomorrow to my sister's,as well as framing a few of the needed shots from B's house yesterday that she'll send me today for my Mother's Day gifts while B gets the other pictures ready at a slower speed on her time (no rush for sure!). Oh..and I should have my kids make some gifts of their own for my mom and sister. And, I need to remember to be at Val's school for her to serve me Mother's Day Tea.

Just writing this makes me feel so silly...why does the above plans have me so stressed? Cupcakes? Framing? Side dishes? Oye. I sound so childish.

Again....today will be a GREAT day. Love to you all! Keep those prayers coming - Hey Zookeeper - your comment just came through. I'll be praying so hard for your request. Thanks for letting me help in some way. I'm about to do some more. Perfect timing at 5:20am. ThankYOU!