I'm here - tired. But not out.

It's been an interesting two days since I blogged!

First off. Happy Epiphany! We celebrated (due to a case of pregnancy brain lol) yesterday, a day early, with an Epiphany breakfast celebration. We made a crown bread "cake" and served it with fruit and eggs (both the colors of gold lol - Lovely LOVED it!!) and the Magi came by our house and left some little somethings. Next year, I totally want to do the idea (an idea I read at Erin's blog) where children receive three small gifts on Epiphany - a "gold" gift (something handmade - this is something I need to keep me crafty!!!), a "frankincense" gift (something faith filled), and a "myrrh" gift (something for the body - like shampoo or body wash or bubbly fun). I did not know about these ideas, and so we went a little more cutesy stocking stuffer-ish, but Lovely was really into the real story and how it was 3 small things like Jesus got 3 meaningful things.

I have pics to share, but I'm so tired I'll upload them tomorrow. We had fun, even at 6am!

But, right now - I'm ready to crawl into bed. It's been a rough two days. In the people I know around me, or have come to appreciate - one lost her young brother in law (father of two girls) this past weekend. Then, on the day they were supposed to leave for the funeral, her 5 year old daughter suffered a (believed) seizure. She had to see a pair of EMT's work on her little girl. I can't imagine how that feels. In my neighborhood area (not people we knew - but we know their friends) our local area was touched by a terrible tragedy. Leaving the details out - somehow a family that seemed so in sync and full of life and faith somehow headed down an unimaginable path. The end result is 2 small children are now without their mother, a close knit community in mourning and shock, and trying to come together in hope and faith.

In both cases, people ARE turning to faith. That is such a hopeful action. Events like this week are not how WE planned a 2010 start, and being an emotional pregnant woman - these events swirl in my mind and heart. I ache for Sarah R and her family, and I ache for the children forever touched by this tragedy and the friends we know in shock and anguish. What I cling to, and they as well, is that God is here. He is holding each person up. Sarah R especially is clinging to Mary and her role as Mother and I know that gives great comfort. They suffer what we suffer. I know people will ask "Where is God in this - why did he let this happen?". Well, for one thing - we are fallible in body and hearts. Our bodies age, decay, mutate, even fail on us. We also have FREE will to make decisions that forever change what God has planned for us. In all the pain this fallibility causes, God is with us. Jesus, Mary, angels....we are loved, treasured, and delighted in. We are held close and never alone. We know something better is to come, but when people are young it's hard to be ready to celebrate what is truly next and greater - or how they were sent Home.

So I pray for them. I pray also for my friends who have sick kids, are sick themselves, are stressed, and more. There is a lot of that going around so far this early in January. The strength they show back is amazing....unimaginable. A great witness.

But I write this so tired. Tired from mommy-ing all hours of the night (pity party!), sick myself off and on for weeks (pity party!) , and some personal issues going on and I feel so tired (I know...wah wah!!). The events weigh on me more than the faith part. I still can't believe the events going on. I need to try and embrace the strength over what happened instead of the weight of what happened. Easier said than done....but I will end this saying I do believe in all I wrote - and I know I'm right (hehe, hear that - I'm RIGHT!) even if I can't be the loudest cheerleader tonight. Gotta love these pregnancy hormones!

So - hopefully some sleep and some meditation can help bring the balance and light I long for myself and those REALLY affected. They are truly warriors!

Much love - and I'm here for you always. Better yet...Someone has always been.