The Core (with pics for "Wordless Wednesday")

*** I started this before this Tuesday evening before I attended an Advent reflection and penance service.....*****

Ok - so I've had a blah day. I sometimes get too externally focused and care giving (or annoying). I'm blessed with people who love and accept me for me - but even when I try to change, sometimes I can't. I really need to stop worrying about details and plans, and just relax. I'm bummed at myself - no one else today. Maybe it is the bleak weather? Maybe it is baby hormones (I definitely have noticed a trend when watching my moods this year - pregnancy and breastfeeding seem correspond with my heightened anxieties. I had enjoyed such a strong summer and early fall and felt so strong....or maybe I'm just more tired and distracted from a more upward focus. Hmmmmm)? I need to get to the core again - get my focus back!

Anyways - I need a pick me up - so I think I'll post pics from our past few days! Nothing perks me up than seeing what really matters - and what I'm blessed with. I'm so rich!!!

Look who is starting to stand!! :) Almost 18 months old...

Lovely singing "O Come O Come Emmanuel" as we lit the 3rd candle on Sunday (she's SO into Advent!!!)

(Lovely and I)

(Valiant enjoying the candle light)

(Daddy and Lovely)

(Lovely decided she loved the part of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" where "Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap..." and noticed the "cap" in the book looked like her Santa hat. I found her yesterday morning asleep in her hat - she slept in it all night - soooo cute!)

(and of course, before we ate breakfast, she had to be a little elfish)

(and that smile reminds me what gifts God has given me!)

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Ok - so I wrote the top half in my more blah state. That evening (yesterday) was supposed to be a girl's night out at 8pm. It kinda fell apart - with some friends not being able to go, and everyone feeling the stress of prepping for Christmas. But, the falling through opened the door to something I needed more than I realized - the Advent Reflection and Penance service at my church.

I do love the ability I have to go to my church for Adoration and also Reconciliation. I admit I don't do either enough - I let "life" get in the way (excuses!) but when it becomes the priority like it should be - I go and get such peace!!! It feeds me even more than my personal reflection and prayer times that I do daily. So, why do I seem surprised when I walk out from that special time feeling whole and renewed? Time and forgiveness with the 'bestest' friend I'll ever have? Well, DUH!!! Of course I come out better!

That happened Tuesday (last) night, the night I needed it. The service was so nice, but of course the best part was the ability to examine my inner world, my secrets, my fallibility, and my need (whether I can fully admit it or not sometimes) for a Savior. While the dulcimer played on (go ahead, click the link, listen to the instrument and lovely music, and get an idea of what it was like to kneel, pray, sit, "be," ponder, do penance, and feel refreshed as it played quietly in the background) I stood in line with so many, confessed my sins and struggles (many repeated failings) and received guidance and absolution. I'm always especially moved at the Advent and Lenten Penance and Reflection services as I feel connected to my brothers and sisters in Christ as we all gather for the same cure for our thirst and hunger. I walked away lighter, freer, and prayed and did penance. I then sat for a good hour and listened. Not just to the music and gentle whispered murmurs of burdens and forgiveness filling the sanctuary - but to God in the core of my being. I was able to let my anxiety and worrying go, and was rearmed to continue fighting my inner voices and insecurities another day. I hope to carry that with me, and remember to refill more frequently than I've been letting myself. Sure I fall, but I need to forgive (or get over) myself and rearm and keep going. I have a greater purpose here with the time I'm given.

Now to keep remembering that :) hehe!

I'd love to say more, but, oye - it is late! Much love! Night!