TAKE THAT!

So, my husband is on a long business trip and I'm single mommy-ing it.  I'm getting along fine, and very proud for my husband who really is good at what he does, and can do it this week in a fun place. But seriously...when he sends me pics of his "work area" like this:

He totally deserves my "work area" view straight back!

Aside from the screaming baby, I like my view - pretty blessed vantage point.

I tell you what though - I'm getting my beachy umbrella drinks on next week - kid free :) . Who wants to join me for a MNO?

HA!!

Ash Wednesday

Let's show some ash!!

Mommy and her PRECIOUS Ash Wednesday crew

Before Mass started (notice, I picked the back with the little ones)

. 

Sweet Valiant

Sweet Sisters - Lovely and Valiant

Gift's 1st Ash :)

Heading home...crazy kids!

I wish I could write up some profound post about how great the service was. The music was so peaceful (Hubby played!) because this Mass was the more folkish/Celtic choir, and they are VERY good. But, as for the rest of the Mass - I was a bit busy. Valiant was in very rare form for her - and I mean RARE - for Mass behavior (trying to walk everywhere and dance - usually she sits still and participates. Thankfully, she was silent as she danced, lol). And Gift, well...Gift goes to the nursery now a lot for my sanity and to help give Lovely focus in Mass as she preps for 1st Communion - and there was no nursery tonight at the cathedral. He actually was pretty good - he just likes to chirp and talk some that echoes in an old stone sanctuary. I finally had to take them outside before communion, and back out after receiving. At my parish - I don't feel the need to take them out ever. Their little voices are welcome in a family friendly church. Tonight, I was surrounded by young professionals (bless them for being at Mass!) who don't have children and kept turning around and looking at me. So...I felt badly for them.So, I don't remember the homily, the readings, or praying much- ha! Ok, I admit praying for some Mass only laryngitis for Gift..ahem.

But, just being there was worship enough for my loving Father, and getting my kids there was offering enough. You can get so much out of worship if you allow yourself to be blessed by just trying and being "there".  I know I'm doing exactly what God wants me to at this point with them at church, and I love attending as a family unit. It's how Mass is meant to be, and I value that. Jesus said, "Let the Children Come to me..."

...and tonight - mine sure came to Him! (And gave mommy some real sacrificing and offering up!) And, like God said (Gen 1:10), it was GOOD.

I hope you had a blessed start to Lent this Ash Wednesday. Much love!!

Ready for Lent (I hope!)

Table "centerpieces": Flowers for the Mercy Cross, a vase full of short kid prayers (40 for 40 days), beans for the sacrifice jar (beans become jelly beans on Easter), good deed/sacrifice suggestion box, and our Operation Rice Bowl donation box. Whew! Bring it on, Lent!

Our Mercy Cross is ready to be covered in flowers by the kids starting tomorrow. Each act of love or mercy earns a flower, so by Easter, the cross is covered in color! Also taped up are their Lenten countdown calendars.

Ok. Tired. Goodnight! :)

MARDI GRAS/Pancake Tuesday!

Ahhh. Today is always such a fun day. Blogsphere and Facebook light up with pictures of pancakes, ice cream, chocolate, feasting, king cake, masks, and beading. It's Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday, Fat Tuesday! Yipeeee!! Hubby made us the BEST Pancake supper with eggs, veggie omelet for me, and BACON! YUM!! Thanks!

Then, the eve brings on the morrow - Lent 2012.

I need to admit something. I am most excited. I NEED this Lent. I need something to help me focus on God and something WAY BIGGER than me and our current lot. I need to remember that I can be a living offering - carrying my own cross. As many times as I'll stumble this Lenten season in carrying my crosses, I can have as many opportunities to grow a little stronger in the Lord.

(This next part is adapted from last year's post)

I'm always so inspired by Lent, and the ideas I glean from the internet and blogs, and those ideas have given my family traditions I never grew up with. Usually we make a Easter Countdown calendar (a sheep that you add cotton balls too) but I didn't have the energy to put that together this year OR last year. Karen had a great idea to make solemnity days a great discovery and a special treat day from coloring the days purple - Lovely LOVED that. This year, Valiant can have her own to color!

The rest I'll list -and yes, it looks long, but much of it is just part of our routine. It's funny how much MORE I want to do! Other people's blogs just get me too excited!

My Sacrifices/Goals:

~  I will be doing both my daily Small Steps for Catholic Moms, and also doing the authors' Lenten Meditations and do their daily fasts, alms, and prayers. They will be my "giving up" and "adding to" for Lent. Every day is something different from an internet "fast" from e-mail/internet, to simply being more present to my kids or spouse, or no TV for a day, to not cutting corners with my daily work, or giving 5 minutes to God in the morning and evening. They challenge me, which enriches me if I listen to the instructions. I love how varied it is and it makes me give up more than I would make myself do, or DO more than I make myself do.
~ I also love reading the Little Black Book for Lent. It is full of great meditations on each Sunday's Gospel and is divided Monday - Saturday on the right side of the book. The left side of the book explains a tradition, a person, a feast, or neat fact that adds to the bible verses being studied. It is really fantastic.
~ I am aiming to start my day with 3 Minute Retreats . Have you tried them? They are biblically based and they can take less than a minute if you want them to. They are amazing for all Christian walks.

Hubby's Goals:

~ Giving up soda for Lent (this is huge for him).
~ work more on some Kof C duties both at home and church.
~ work on his prayer life.

Family/Lovely Sacrifices and Goals:

~ We will pull a prayer out of our family prayer jar this way, this season.
~ Ash Wednesday evening service
~  Kate give me an idea during her 2010 Advent practice to eat simple dinners - soups and salads. My family will be doing that this Lent as a family sacrifice as much as we can.
~ We want to work on real Family Dinners TOGETHER. Since we moved into our condo, it is harder to sit around the table, and we've fallen into bad habits. I'd like to aim for a more formal setting 3 x's a week to start!
~ I would like to start a Mother/Children tea time for me and the kids around 3pm, three times a week to help us connect outside of homeschooling or our crazy schedules.
~ One of the bedtime stories each night will be a New Testament children's story - starting from Jesus' birth to His Resurrection. We did this last year and it was great - we actually used the Children's bible stories to cover the whole new testament!
~ Fridays we'll attend our church's Fish Dinner and Stations of the Cross.
~ We'll attend the Lenten Penance Service at our church.
~ We'll be doing Lenten Adventure activities - e-mailed to us 3 times a week. We love this every year!
~ We'll have a sacrifice jar where Lovely can put beans in for each sacrifice she does ("Love is what you do, not what you feel" - meaning sometimes doing things for others out of love isn't what you feel like doing). On Easter Sunday those beans become jelly beans!!! Here is ours from last year. Thanks Karen for the idea!!
~ We will do this Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy cross and flowers from last year (scroll down for pic). We hung the cross today on our door! Again, Karen literally made this possible for us! Thank you!
~ We will hide the "Alleluia"! (Lovely is really excited!)
~ We'll make Hot Cross Buns for Good Friday and Resurrection Rolls for Easter Sunday and pretzels often (symbol of Lent).

OUR (Hubby and I) UNIFIED Personal Sacrifices/Goals:
~ We want to do our dialogue sessions at least 3 x's a week.
~ We want to do some spiritual dialoguing sessions 2 x's week together.

There are more fantastic ideas being shared at Catholic Icing. WOW!

So - These are our Lenten plans and goals. I can't wait to see what graces pour forth from the new focus the next 40 days. I love the traditions we discover, the growth, the journey, the prayers, and the challenge. We'll probably stumble, but the challenge is to try again. Pray for us....we'll be praying for you!!! Happy Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras!!!

Lessons on Forgiveness "Myths"

Thank GOD for Retrouvaille! I got these great insights this past Saturday session on forgiveness:

Myth #1 of Forgiveness - "I forgive, I also have to forget." We actually need to forgive precisely because we have NOT forgotten what someone did; our memory keeps the pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped.

Myth #2 - "I just don't 'feel like' forgiving." - If I wait until I 'feel like' forgiving, I'm actually choosing to feed resentment and bitterness. Forgiveness isn't really about feelings. It's a DECISION, and act of the will. The choice to forgive does not deny our feelings, but allows us to express them so that forgiveness comes from a healed heart.

Myth #3 - "Forgiveness means acting if nothing has happened." To forgive does not mean that we enter into a sense of denial about what happened or its impact on us. We need to confront the issue, deal with our emotions, communicate effectively, and seek and grant forgiveness.

Myth #4 - "I have to forgive immediately." Forgiveness may be a long process. The error we make is refusing to enter the process.

Wow. 

Why We WILL Make It.

Three. Completely. Unconditionally. Loved.  Reasons: 

P.S. I love the big fourth one too.  ;)

The Rediscovery of our Marriage

I am so sorry at the lack of updates here. Be glad in a way - it means your prayers for me, hubby, our family and most importantly our marriage are working!!

I've been too busy to write here because we are busy working on our daily dialoguing. Let me repost three emails we sent out to people for prayers that will help explain how this week we are rediscovering our marriage thanks to Retrouaille (the word 'Rediscovery' in French).

* EDITED to add -  I should have added that NO couple is turned away because of inability to pay. You can either pay/donate what you can - or the weekend and followups are their gift to you and your marriage. FREE! I will be honest and let you know we could NOT pay the entire fee, or most of it. We are now giving what we can each week. 

**Also, I don't understand why my letters below are not indented or spaced correctly. Sorry!
_________________________________

Dearest Friend,

     I hope this email is finding you well before the weekend (TGIF!). As we head into the weekend, Hubby and I wanted to ask you for a prayer request.
 

     You know that life has been pretty “interesting” for Hubby and I (and the kids) since September. I won’t lie – we have lots of faith, but our energy has taken a hit in rebuilding and healing our marriage. This weekend Hubby and I will be attending a special marriage in depth workshop/retreat (called Retrouvaille) that lasts until 5pm Sunday. It is local, and we will be staying all weekend at the hotel it is held in. Gracious friends and family have offered to take our kids so we could make this happen. After this weekend, the next 6 Saturdays will be more in-depth workshops to help us rebuild on what is “planted” this weekend. We are also in marriage counseling. 

     We ask for prayers – prayers this weekend renews us, challenges us, rebuilds trust and motivation (motivation in all areas – I would like to not hide in my PJ’s so much), acceptance, forgiveness, and gives us peace and grace to be the spouses we pledged to be in June 2001, and the parents we have become; ready to meet our children’s boundless energy and needs. Family begins with Hubby and I - strong and together with God, and we need to nourish our marriage before anything else. I would love to leave this depressed state behind and feel some fresh air and hope (I am tired of being tired).

     We’re going to make it – but we owe it to ourselves to make “us” the best “we” can be, and our focus sharpened and our priorities in the correct order. God is totally with us, and is The Redeemer. We have never doubted Him being there for us, and getting us through this. We just need to meet Him (and each other) halfway. 

     Thank you for your incredible support. We appreciate you and thank you for the prayers. We will be praying for you this weekend too!

     Love and Peace.

________________________________

Later in the week...after our Retrouvaille weekend.

Happy Evening!

     I am behind on thanking you for the prayers this past weekend. I hope to write you personally of more details when I can – but it has been hard to even put this first weekend (we have 6 more Saturdays to attend) into words as we came back utterly wiped out. But in a good way. The BEST way. Your prayers helped birth a miracle.

     Hubby and I had incredible healing over the weekend. There is so much left to do and work on, but we can’t say enough about the Retrouvaille experience. It was a weekend on communication. It was a weekend on accepting feelings first, with discussion of the issues those feelings cause later. As they taught over the weekend, we don’t have control over our FEELINGS, so they are neither right nor wrong. It is what we do, as a result of how we feel, that is good OR bad because we have control over our ACTIONS.

     What was also beautiful was seeing the other 33 couples in attendance. While the couples never worked together or had time to interact much, one could plainly see so many were worse off than Hubby and I, with their own anonymous baggage, but evident in their body language. Some spouses were vocally ready to leave Friday, but somehow stayed. Couples that could barely look at each other Friday night were holding hands, or at least shoulder to shoulder on Sunday, each expressing some sort of healing, or understanding to keep dialoguing in the future sessions. Their faces were not taunt, and their shoulders more relaxed. It blew Hubby and I away to witness these things and helped us try even harder to be open to the private dialogue techniques they were teaching us.

     This weekend was not a cure-all – and it was STRESSED by our leading couples it was not a magic fix. We all still have a long way to go to grow. But it was a weekend of healing and a reuniting. We left with PLENTY of homework to do too. 

     Keep praying for us, and thank you for loving us. I feel joy again in what 2012 can bring us if we remain open to all the amazing potential the year holds and work our tails off. 

     Thank you!!! Bless you!

______________________________

More reflection to a friend (I shortened it in parts).

     Hubby and I found ourselves finally understanding when people say “I love my spouse more today than our wedding day!” We get it now! :) 

     Hubby and I – well...mostly me – really could only ever say I was deeper in love with him than our wedding day up to year 5. After year 5, I just didn’t feel the same feelings, though I was grateful for him, loved him (this weekend helped me figure out my feelings and timing). It was around the time he lost his job for those months and we were really affected by that. Then with 2 kids so close together, we had some natural coolness and tiredness. And I think falling for him deeper and deeper [in love] stalled. 

     Then I doubted everything with the surprise foreclosure. 

     But, this weekend led to REAL understanding and communication and acceptance. When we can accept the feelings that caused these things to happen, forgiveness can bloom. True love also blooms – and I was hit by backlogged years of stunted love. I mean that - Each dialogue process made me fall deeper in love with Hubby  – the way he opened up to me finally. He was making up for all those years he was pulling back. It was really unbelievable. 

     The dialogue process involves many things. One of my favorites was a letter. You write a letter – written with a certain formula to truly capture your feelings, not judgments or thoughts. It is not long [YAY] Then you swap the letter, read it twice (once for the head, once for the heart) and dialogue equal time...until you both can agree you both understand the feelings each wrote the letter...Sunday we did a special letter. This letter could be about feelings and the opening of all dams – to let it all out. We then read and discussed our letters. We were given a lot of time for this therapeutic conversation. 

     That was heavy. That was beautiful. It was passionately honest and free, and we shared our weaknesses without fear. We fell back in love there. We’ll have to work to stay there, and fall even deeper in love that is peacefully communicated and protected. [ I can't write this without crying].

___________________________________

We have a LOT of work to do in the next 6 sessions and beyond. But we have a start, and we have hope. We start our 1st and 2nd post session(s) tomorrow morning. God is GOOD!

Thank you for your prayers! They worked. Keep them going! 

Much gratitude....

****EDITED TO ADD!*** I should have added that NO couple is turned away because of inability to pay. You can either pay/donate what you can - or the weekend and followups are their gift to your marriage. I will be honest and let you know we could NOT pay the entire fee, or most of it. We are now giving what we can each week.  I just wanted to add that in case anyone reading this post needed this program!