Why Mommy Needs Contacts.

Watch this video of Valiant and I. I should wear contacts more often, no?

oopsie!

Cheers!

a P.S. to my last post...

So, you may have read the BIG REVEAL here. I forgot to add in that post that the reason I could never be fully honest here, was that I did not want to blog about being a single mom for 3 months while the man of the house was out of town pretty much permanently. I love my readers, but I'm not naive. I don't need someone to read this and come after me at night! No sir! So...sorry for the vague appeal for prayers. Now you know.

And now...we can say more prayers....of THANKSGIVING!!!!

Thank you!

There and Back Again - A ViolinMama's Tale

“Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

My alternate title? The Post Where I Finally Reveal Everything You Have Prayed For The Last Few Months!

Yes. Really.

So, what do you think of the following pictures (side note: I am SO behind on posting pictures of our summer!!!)?

 

Pretty, right?

How about being a pretty place for children to grow up? A small town by a big river in the foothills of the mountains that ALSO had big city perks, tons of home school support, and so many outdoor activities a young family could soak in???! SCORE!

We were sold on this idea this past year, prayed, and felt it was a place God wanted us eventually and we became open to potential jobs in the area. Obviously, this would mean a move across state lines! My husband really needed and has been wanting for years (silly economy) to move ahead in his IT career and decided this past spring it was the time to look for some upward mobility that working for the government in his past job was not providing. He LOVED his last office, but just was hungering for more opportunity and growth. Since he needed to look, he decided to look where those pictures above were taken - not our state. Yep - we were open to moving!

Within a few months, Hubby had found some great companies and interviewed. He was not looking for any job, but a really good one - one with a raise, etc to make the move a smart one. He got close to one job, but they decided to go within the company. Then in June, he interviewed for another great position. As it became  apparent they wanted to hire him, we spoke with some of our closest friends for advice. The job seemed to be a GREAT opportunity. It was our first job where benefits and salary did not start for 90 days, and a recruiter was involved - but the recruiter did banter with us on making the hourly pay WELL worth our while, and the company who hired my husband promised him a 20% raise with the benefits and salary. After those negotiations, Hubby signed on. Again, this was the end of June. May and June were when I started begging for those prayers. I think April too LOL! Now you know why! Your prayers worked!

We knew we needed to save up his new raise for the big move. So, while he started the new job on July 2nd, we decided we would move as a family in October, and he would come home on weekends to visit and save for the move. My dear friend S did this same arrangement for over a year with her husband, so I knew I could survive and use the same strategies as a single mom during the week. He went ahead and got an extended day hotel room for a good price.

He LOVED the new work. It was in a corporate headquarters for a huge plant operation. He walked on average 6-9 miles a day (so good for his health). He was working with fantastic technology. I kept myself really busy, spending 2 whole weeks as a traveling nanny for my dear, dear, dear C a few hours away. It helped make July so bearable, especially since S moved...taking part of my heart, and my kids' hearts with her family. It was a nice distraction to work, and be in a place with a pool and friends for my kids, and a feeling of true family for me. I'm so grateful for those 2 weeks!

After those 2 weeks of working, the children and I went to visit him for about 13 days. We went to home hunt, enjoy being together, and meet so many new friends in the co-ops I had found for playdates and homeschooling. One person I met at a homeschool co-op "1st Friday" potluck celebration was none other than Haus Frau from Dwelling in Tol Garden!!! How cool is that??!! To meet a fellow reader/blogger??!!! It was very comforting! We bought family passes to the aquarium there, the children's museum, and a gorgeous park. The year anniversary of "our life exploding and losing our home, my husband's health", etc was approaching (September 16th), and it seemed God was granting us the chance to rebuild by that melancholy anniversary. We made some great memories in our future new home:

Looks pretty much like heaven on earth....really...right? 

I mean....look at these colors... look at our future......

Except well....

it is not our future. Except as a vacation spot. 

I see it now as a blessing, but at the time - it felt like a killjoy. But, I never really could get excited about this job. I had this weird feeling we would never move. Now, I see it as God protecting my heart and keeping us from rushing into the move. Hubby learned during that long visit that it looked like the company who hired him was losing their hold, and getting bought out. They told my husband his job might likely end August 31st. (!!!!!) Can they do that? Hire when things look grim and not say anything??!! That is when I did a big plea on this blog, and through email, for prayers. He would have not gotten severance, he had no job to return home to, and we really had not rebuilt savings enough to survive on unemployment. It was....so...so scary. It was a new season of trust and choosing joy for our family, again.

Hubby learned a few days later that it seemed that he and his coworkers WOULD get hired on by the new company (your prayers working people!) - and it seemed like it would be even BETTER than before. For a few more weeks, he worked, very excitedly. We saved extra money just in case this good news failed to last, and we decided to save gas and not have him come home until we knew his job was safe. I radically changed our budget at home, started babysitting part time, etc, but it all seemed to be looking VERY good. He would get hired on with salary and benefits instantly with the new company, there would be a discount on a company van, and we could move sooner to be together!

Heart attack over!!! Right?

Well, apparently I love roller coasters....and my life wanted to copy that thrill ride!

At this point, I was about a month into being a single, SAHM who homeschools and we were doing ok. He was then hired by the new company which dropped a BOMB:

~ They hired MOST everyone (Hubby made the cut with his certifications!) but some lost out.
~ They would slash their pay for 6 months almost 80%.
~ Benefits would cost $900 a month for those 6 months at an 80% pay cut (most opted out).
~ They would work 12 hour shifts, not 8 hr days, and flip day shifts/night shifts each week. EXHAUSTING.

So, really, forget not having the $ to come home - he didn't have the time. And we needed what he could bring in. It was far more than unemployment, and being in a job helps GET a new job. Yes...this meant a NEW job search. AGAIN.

We sent out so many requests for prayers on this blog, prayer circles, emails AGAIN (same song, new refrain). We spent the first few weeks looking for jobs in the area. We so desperately wanted to move there. We had gone to different churches looking for a parish home, I had joined 3 co-ops - one Catholic, one for field trips, one for play. I was getting to know people. They offered prayers and support as well. We felt it was home away from home.

God's hand was at every turn! A chance meeting when hanging out by the river with the sister of an old high school friend of my husband (lol!) lead to a cheaper place to stay (a rented room at their home versus the extended day hotel saving hundreds), another friend's church gave us a gas card for a visit and a Kr*ger card, our new co-ops all sent us information on possible jobs opening up (even though the jobs never did, how awesome of these new friends to help!), and my husband made some great work friends who helped each other out. It was absolutely amazing! So many prayers were offered on our behalf. God never STOPS blessing us!

I'm not sure I'm allowed to state the name of a fellow friend/blogger/reader who stepped up with her husband to help us with a possible job in that state and resume help - but they know who they are, and can tell me if they want me to shout from the rooftops how much we love and appreciate them - but they were amazing!!! Seriously, I cry with gratitude. My husband gets choked up. If only we could meet up in person....

It became apparent that the best avenue for jobs were back in our home city. Rumors of jobs in the area above that we wanted, or even in that state just ran dry. Nothing was posted that Hubs could do with his certifications and background. BIG. SIGH. So, hubby and I discerned we would focus back here at home. Thank GOD we have never moved, right??!!! Plus, we still had no idea how this all would play out. Maybe we could still have our river and mountains and forests, right?

So, August and September went on. Hubby applied daily to jobs while working at the plant. He got close to some area jobs, but they did not offer what we needed (at this point, we would have taken the pay amount he had earned at his last job, but the offers were just too low to help us rebuild. We needed about what he made before). The gas card was used up, and while we treasured what the card gave us (and who gave it to us), he needed to stay and save money. So, we didn't see him until the end of September. It was a long two months of not seeing him in person (and barely talking or skyping because of his flip schedule), and I so admire any single parents out there....WOW...what a JOB!!! I was up to 3 months of single parenting/homeschooling and I was in awe of the single moms and dads I knew. Wow. Pray for those in your life, friends! My 3 months alone was NOTHING that so many face daily. Really.  But, God was very good to me and my family.

Hubby FINALLY got to come home around September 14th for a visit. While he was here - he got TWO 2nd interviews (he had done the 1st two by phone). God set him up well, being able to be in town for in person interviews! Both were FANTASTIC opportunities - with one being a lead supervisor position. Hubby had never worked at that level - but he had the experience, and decided to go for it. Obviously, his 1st interview went well enough for the in-person 2nd interview! I was excited for him at both opportunities.

Both interviews went well. He was SOOO excited. It was the happiest I had seen him in months. Then came the week of waiting. He went back and I stayed here with the kids. We heard nothing, and Hubby was given a 3 day break due to overtime. On a whim, he packed up his room in total, and brought everything home. He said it was because he really felt something good was about to happen - BUT he was prepared to take it all back with him that weekend.

Except...he was right. He did not have to head back! As I type this, HE IS HOME WITH US!!! PERMANENTLY!!

He got a call with an incredible job offer! It was the job that was a lead supervisor LAN Admin position. It was like a 3 rung jump on the career ladder for himself. It was a higher position that he had our current city and higher than the job he took out of state that was better than the last. The benefits are great (they start in a month) and his salary was immediate, wonderful, and he has been there working a week now, starting last Monday. He is enjoying it so far. In a few months, he will starting hiring more for his team, and he feels like he should keep pinching himself. He seems to be a good leader as well.

And, you can tell the kids are thrilled:

They ADORE their DAD!!!

I can tell you that the happiest person in the room is NOT shown in the above picture. 

So, AMEN! He is HOME!

AMEN!! He has an incredible job!!

AMEN! We can pay what we owe!

AMEN!! We have enough to save!

Sadly, we are not moving to our "dream" city...yet. We feel God did plant that dream - but He has His Timing in place for when we settle there. We also don't feel the last 3 months were a waste of time. He needed to do this for his resume, his work experience, and obviously for God's bigger plan. He was gone for 3 months at this job for a reason...one we may not know for a while in full, but that we can for now in parts. Perhaps he met people he needed to meet. Perhaps it was to unit people in incredible prayer. Perhaps it was to refine us more. Perhaps it was to make us more grateful. Perhaps it was a lesson in trust and choosing joy.

We may not have the river, but "here" has a mountain nearby, a forest for hiking, and many things to do outside. We are blessed here! 

We still have a move ahead of us. We will eventually be moving from our current condo. All three children share a bedroom now (which is a blessing, and we don't mind a bit....except...when we mind it...) The age gap runs from 2 years old to 9 years old and acquiring an extra bedroom would be lovely as it would mean better sleep! We're praying about what type of housing - apartment/condo, or a house with a yard. A yard seems to be something we are hungering for - but one can save a lot of $ in an apartment/condo. So, we will just look around and pray.

Also, being together means we can work on rebuilding our family again, our marriage, and afford to do marriage counseling again. We sure do need it. I have a deep need for renewed healing and growth with my husband. Retrouvaille  proved to be such a needed part of our foundation and we want to build on that. We did the program while in counseling, so we want to keep up the work and improvement! 

Last week, I was on such a high, feeling relief. Such grace came from this job, right past our year anniversary mark.  It was foreign to feel so lightweight. Starting Friday though, feelings of grief, fear, processing, and such began to occur when I opened a letter notifying my husband about a financial background check for his new job (that obviously he passed - whew! But, was a bad reminder for me of worry). Since then, I am emotional and I cry often. It's obviously part of the 5 stages of grief that I'm allowing myself to feel now that so much of our panic is over. I guess I'm relaxing enough that now I can feel some of the feelings I gave to God before. Maybe I should re-give them to God? HAHA! I want so much for our marriage - trust, equally yoked spiritually (and I can't force that!), peace, partnership, etc. I'm just highly emotional now. In some ways, I feel like I did last September  - so the healing continues. Life is a series of 'there and back' on repeat.

There and Back Again - A ViolinMama's Tale (*reference from The Hobbit) is a good title for sure isn't it....both in where we were moving, and in my emotions. But, just like the Hobbit, I am better for the journey. Thanks for being my faithful companions on the journey.

"I am looking for someone to share

 in an adventure that I am arranging..."

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

I am blessed by your support and prayers. Thank you. Love you....and keep praying. If you have any intentions, PLEASE post them in the combox. 

Blessings from "here". 

"If more of us valued food and cheer 

and song above hoarded gold, 

it would be a merrier world."  

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

1st Anniversary of Grace

One year ago yesterday, my world exploded.

If I had access to my PC, I would link up to the story - it was my own "terrible awful".

But, God can take the terrible awfuls and surely make them amazing graces.

I am not really sure if by the world's standards we are really any better a year later. Even recent actions, struggles, and discoveries would let the world give my family and marriage a reasonable excuse to split up and be "better off". Why labor so hard at healing? None of us deserve to be yoked to this, right? Especially me, correct?

When we are wronged, we have every earthly reason to walk away and protect our hearts from further hurt. The world pulsates around the human condition and the conditions we live in. It is a conditional world, and I deserve to be happy.  So, it is reasonable for me to seek my happiness.

Except one thing...in this conditional world, I am called to be unconditional.

Because my children and I are not being physically, emotionally, or verbally abused, I am called to try to heal our union. Also...not just heal, but to grab the graces that come from marrying WITH God sacramentally to live out my vows daily - which include the human conditions of bad times, sickness, and being poor. The world would rather me focus on good times, good health, and riches. Those are reasonable.  The other human conditions? Totally unreasonable.

Well...it's a good thing our God is unreasonable. I was reminded this past Sunday that our God is beyond reason...or unreasonable. Loving us unconditionally is unreasonable! Why love someone who hurts us by turning from us, leads us astray, acts selfishly? Don't we all treat each other conditionally? Don't we treat God this way daily?

We give Christ every reasonable excuse for walking away from us...and He never WILL. He is always with us, getting us through what LIFE tosses us. He works through the trials with us, always forgives, and always redeems if we allow God to.
2 Timothy 2:13

He asks us to do the same. Not by making everyone our best friend - but to simply love. To be like Christ we love those made in God's image. Especially those we are joined with - those we take vows with. Working on forgiving those who wrong us in this world IS what love is.

SURPRISE! God is actually not concerned with our happiness, the world is. God doesn't want us happy...He wants us holy. Happy is easy. Holy is hard. But, the peace that comes from choosing right...living right...brings a happiness only peace can give. It gives us a joy only we can choose. I have so learned joy is a choice this year.

I am going to fail. I find myself getting angry when I hear of celebrity divorces. Why do they get a glamourous breakup while I am called to stay and work on my marriage? Why do they get new thrills of dating and the fun, flirty new feelings of a budding relationship on the grocery shelves? Why am I called to work this hard?  Why do I have to work at holiness? Why can't I just have happiness?

Then I think, maybe those divorces are not as glamourous as I think they are. Could it be repeated marriages and breakups show a heart looking for fulfillment someplace, any place, repeatedly? Could it be they really are looking for joy instead of happiness and don't realize it?

God has given me the graces to plow until the harvest.  I have all the just reasons to stay in my marriage. I am called to. I am called to work. I am in a season. Even when I am out if it, I will always have to work hard. But...the joy...oh the joy! All this, thanks to grace!

One thing holds me firm. To get this joy, this peace, a reclaimed journey to holiness the FIRST time around in marriage - making it my only marriage? What a rare gift. I know many of you reading this have had to travel the hard road of divorce (your own marriage(s), or your spouse traveled this road before meeting you, your parents, etc). I may never know your story - so don't see my determination to save my marriage as a judgement on your struggles. NEVER. I have a husband who wants to work on our marriage which is needed for our survival and not every woman or man has had that. We don't have reasons to flee at this time. I pray that continues. I have to be open to God's Will in this too. Discerning is so hard.  Thank God for GRACE and your prayers and support. Really. You have mine.

So, while this year started off started terribly awful, I also see this as an amazing year of grace. What will this next year hold? It's bound to be unreasonable!

Amen!

SO cool!

I have totally been privy today to how obvious God works through prayer. His presence was just amazingly obvious and His hand very clear. The really cool thing? None of my prayers were fully answered in the way I wanted (they still can be!!), yet I saw or felt His plan in motion at every turn. So, no matter if my prayers are answered MY way or not - it was still a day where He revealed Himself and reminded me, He's always there, whether I "feel" Him or not OR "get" what I want. How cool is that??!!!”

And, I totally know this happened, this boosted me and renewed my hope, because of YOUR prayers!!!

I can't wait to update you in the coming weeks!! I pray with more thanksgiving. If not, I'll just ask for prayers of acceptance. I'm always thankful days like today. How do people go through life without faith? 

Happy *sigh* today!

THANK YOU!!!

PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE!

Dearest Friends,

Tomorrow is a really big day for my husband. PLEASE pray for him at 4pm. Please? Please storm heaven for him.

I would have been more relaxed about tomorrow if we haven't had a harder week than I anticipated. Now, I need this FOR him. I need this for ME. We kinda need this for US.

I'm praying God's timing agrees with my timing!

Maybe we just need to pray we are stay within His Will?

In any case. Please pray. THANK YOU!!!

Oh - if you need some inspiration...turn this song up and go clean something as you pray....LOL!! Go shake heaven!! Get His attention! :)

Sigh.

There is a total and WONDERFUL reason the Catholic faith makes marriage a sacrament. The extra graces we receive from the sacrament makes staying, working hard, and working through, more possible because you are less alone.

Just sayin. It's one of those days. Pray for me, and I'll pray for you.

Body of Christ! Hooah!