1st Anniversary of Grace

One year ago yesterday, my world exploded.

If I had access to my PC, I would link up to the story - it was my own "terrible awful".

But, God can take the terrible awfuls and surely make them amazing graces.

I am not really sure if by the world's standards we are really any better a year later. Even recent actions, struggles, and discoveries would let the world give my family and marriage a reasonable excuse to split up and be "better off". Why labor so hard at healing? None of us deserve to be yoked to this, right? Especially me, correct?

When we are wronged, we have every earthly reason to walk away and protect our hearts from further hurt. The world pulsates around the human condition and the conditions we live in. It is a conditional world, and I deserve to be happy.  So, it is reasonable for me to seek my happiness.

Except one thing...in this conditional world, I am called to be unconditional.

Because my children and I are not being physically, emotionally, or verbally abused, I am called to try to heal our union. Also...not just heal, but to grab the graces that come from marrying WITH God sacramentally to live out my vows daily - which include the human conditions of bad times, sickness, and being poor. The world would rather me focus on good times, good health, and riches. Those are reasonable.  The other human conditions? Totally unreasonable.

Well...it's a good thing our God is unreasonable. I was reminded this past Sunday that our God is beyond reason...or unreasonable. Loving us unconditionally is unreasonable! Why love someone who hurts us by turning from us, leads us astray, acts selfishly? Don't we all treat each other conditionally? Don't we treat God this way daily?

We give Christ every reasonable excuse for walking away from us...and He never WILL. He is always with us, getting us through what LIFE tosses us. He works through the trials with us, always forgives, and always redeems if we allow God to.
2 Timothy 2:13

He asks us to do the same. Not by making everyone our best friend - but to simply love. To be like Christ we love those made in God's image. Especially those we are joined with - those we take vows with. Working on forgiving those who wrong us in this world IS what love is.

SURPRISE! God is actually not concerned with our happiness, the world is. God doesn't want us happy...He wants us holy. Happy is easy. Holy is hard. But, the peace that comes from choosing right...living right...brings a happiness only peace can give. It gives us a joy only we can choose. I have so learned joy is a choice this year.

I am going to fail. I find myself getting angry when I hear of celebrity divorces. Why do they get a glamourous breakup while I am called to stay and work on my marriage? Why do they get new thrills of dating and the fun, flirty new feelings of a budding relationship on the grocery shelves? Why am I called to work this hard?  Why do I have to work at holiness? Why can't I just have happiness?

Then I think, maybe those divorces are not as glamourous as I think they are. Could it be repeated marriages and breakups show a heart looking for fulfillment someplace, any place, repeatedly? Could it be they really are looking for joy instead of happiness and don't realize it?

God has given me the graces to plow until the harvest.  I have all the just reasons to stay in my marriage. I am called to. I am called to work. I am in a season. Even when I am out if it, I will always have to work hard. But...the joy...oh the joy! All this, thanks to grace!

One thing holds me firm. To get this joy, this peace, a reclaimed journey to holiness the FIRST time around in marriage - making it my only marriage? What a rare gift. I know many of you reading this have had to travel the hard road of divorce (your own marriage(s), or your spouse traveled this road before meeting you, your parents, etc). I may never know your story - so don't see my determination to save my marriage as a judgement on your struggles. NEVER. I have a husband who wants to work on our marriage which is needed for our survival and not every woman or man has had that. We don't have reasons to flee at this time. I pray that continues. I have to be open to God's Will in this too. Discerning is so hard.  Thank God for GRACE and your prayers and support. Really. You have mine.

So, while this year started off started terribly awful, I also see this as an amazing year of grace. What will this next year hold? It's bound to be unreasonable!

Amen!