Hope

I'm doing a terrible job these days being a follower of Christ.

I have always felt I was a woman of great faith (not a perfect faith...just deep and great). The last few years have found me feeling so connected to God, exuberant to do feast days and teas with my kids, faith lessons, and carefree time loving the Lord in all I so. Currently, I feel like I'm failing my precious Lord. I allow myself to worry SO much, get distracted easily by concerns and the fervent prayers I want answered, and feel so disconnected from worshiping my God with every breath as I usually do. Basically, I'm being pulled down into the depths by my own worries, and "seeing the wind." You would think if I have these spiritual insights, I would follow through living them, right?

I feel like I still talk the talk well in witnessing to others, but I don't walk the walk in my own journey these days. Yet, I don't feel abandoned by God. I know He is there. So, this dryness, this distance, is my own making (isn't it always?).

I'm praying for your intentions. Keep posting them in the comments. Our prayers of thanksgiving came true....to a point. I still can't reveal much more yet. But now that we can TASTE the goodness of it - we may just have to walk away from the blessing. If we have to walk away, it will be crippling. YET - I'll have to remember that there is a great plan from God in the works, and I will have to offer up my selfish suffering for someone else's intention. I think I'm forgetting that...the offering it up part in personal suffering. Joy is a decision. It is an automatic grace in ANY situation. One does not need to be happy to be joyful. And, in offering up any suffering in my life for another, I can find joy. I NEED to remember that.

Today, when GREAT news of thanksgiving came in the morning, I was near our parish's adoration chapel. I went to praise God. I arrived there just as the Monstrance was being exposed, and a rosary being started. I could have slipped out - to run errands child free for once - but I felt this was all meant for me (ha! Is that selfish?). It was the Glorious mysteries, and the fruit was HOPE. I really felt God was saying HOPE just for me. So, as the day went on and the excitement at our news turned to stress and possible despair (if we let it) I am reminded tonight of HOPE and that God is not finished with this situation (or opportunity) yet. I need to stay hopeful. There is so much joy in HOPE.

An Act of Hope

O my God, relying on Your almighty power and infinite mercy and promises, I hope to obtain pardon of my sins, the help of Your grace, and life everlasting, through the merits of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Redeemer.

Amen.